Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men in their 40s

505 replies

whitebunnies · 29/04/2022 13:33

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 29/04/2022 13:35

Maybe they do ask women their own age, but are also attracted to you so also ask you?

There is no law that says you can only have romantic relationships with someone of your own exact age.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/04/2022 13:38

I wouldn’t consider a ten year age gap to be particularly noteworthy - not when you’re in your thirties and above. Teens and twenties sure - but after that it’s more about whether you’re at similar life stages financially and family wise, have the same goals and so on.

And if this is real life and not OLD, presumably they don’t know your age when they ask you out and just assume from looks / behaviour / conversation that you’re both in the same broad bracket?

hamdden12 · 29/04/2022 13:38

Because age is just a number and you don't have to date people the same age?

DontPickTheFlowers · 29/04/2022 13:42

They’ve fucked up their previous relationships and younger women are not only more attractive, these men may perceive them to be more naive?

lassof · 29/04/2022 13:43

Many older men do this. Their 'dating bracket' doesn't move upwards as quickly as they age. Also, older women are often a bit 'eye rolling' about men in their late 40s upwards as they are often quite immature. There's a whole generation of Peter Pans out there. They hope women in their 30s will be less discerning.
Just a theory

WoodenClock · 29/04/2022 13:43

Grin because you're so much more attractive and fun to be around and women their own age are all shrivelled and worthless.

CuntyMcBollocks · 29/04/2022 13:45

What a weird post! My dh is in his 40's and I'm in my late 30's. I didn't realise we shouldn't even consider being together... What the hell does it matter that there's a few years age difference?

Original poster
whitebunnies · 29/04/2022 13:45

I understand you don't have to stick to your age. It's just I look quite young as people think I am 30 so if they knew my age would they not bother and they only approach me for looking younger.

OP posts:
bare · 29/04/2022 13:50

lassof · 29/04/2022 13:43

Many older men do this. Their 'dating bracket' doesn't move upwards as quickly as they age. Also, older women are often a bit 'eye rolling' about men in their late 40s upwards as they are often quite immature. There's a whole generation of Peter Pans out there. They hope women in their 30s will be less discerning.
Just a theory

This Smile

All the recently breakups I've seen recently, the exdh moves down an age bracket for his next conquest and all the exdw get asked out by older men!

Gowithme · 29/04/2022 13:54

Funny that you don't see any men in their late 40's with women in their late 50's though (for those saying a ten year age gap isn't much at that age) - it's all about wanting something young and pretty.

pentagone · 29/04/2022 13:57

hamdden12 · 29/04/2022 13:38

Because age is just a number and you don't have to date people the same age?

How naive! They want a younger woman because age is NOT just a number.
Bagging a younger woman makes them feel less like they are ageing. You really start to age from mid 40s onwards and it shows in a whole manner of ways. y Shagging a younger woman is a psychological denial of the fact they are getting old.

Butterbean9 · 29/04/2022 14:01

Women their own age see through their bullshit and are less likely to put up with it
They get a kick out of younger women finding them attractive and think it keeps them young.
A ten year age gap is a big deal at any stage of life, the older person is going to get age related health issues much earlier for example.

Fireflygal · 29/04/2022 14:03

@Gowithme, agree, If age is just a number then why not date 10 years older?? Rarely happens.

Ime, men view younger women as a prize, age is considered ahead of attractiveness or compatibility. I know one man who married his first wife, similar age and with each relationship the woman has got 10 years younger. He now has a very large age gap. As he's wealthy he just considers it a fair trade. No way would be consider a woman 10 years older than himself. In fact an older woman was interested and he was horrified that she thought she might have a chance.

Op, I think you are being very sensible, however is the daring pool small because men your age are seeking women 10 years younger?

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/04/2022 14:04

whitebunnies · 29/04/2022 13:45

I understand you don't have to stick to your age. It's just I look quite young as people think I am 30 so if they knew my age would they not bother and they only approach me for looking younger.

Isn’t this a stock thing that people say to women as they age, because of this odd view that all women want to look younger than their age? So when you say “I’m 39”, their response is a kind but generally untrue “39?! Are you sure?! Gosh, you don’t look a day over 25!”

Maybe these men really do want to date you just because you’re young. Maybe you actually look your age and they’re assuming it’s similar to theirs. Who knows. Just tell them that you’re looking for somebody younger if you aren’t interested.

AMindOfMyOwn · 29/04/2022 14:07

WoodenClock · 29/04/2022 13:43

Grin because you're so much more attractive and fun to be around and women their own age are all shrivelled and worthless.

That!!

unfortunately

Moonface123 · 29/04/2022 15:40

The advantage women have is that they tend to grow wiser as they age.
Therefore a woman finding herself alone at a later stage of life can often regard it more as a blessing and stroke of luck, ( Thankyou God !! ) rather than a disadvantage or hardship.
The allure of a good book and family sized bar of Dairy milk often takes presedence over a pot bellied snorer breaking wind continuosly throughout the night.
Sadly for above however this means his options are severly limited, the wiser women cannot be manipulated and controlled even by way of OLD where you can lie through your teeth and upload a profile photo ten years plus out of date. They simply see through it, leaving him little choice to merely "settle". His hands are tied.
So younger women it is .....
Fast forward several years and this time he finds himself homeless as well as alone once again after being fleeced out of everything he owns. He can't even pay for OLD membership.

So the moral of the story is, a man may hold on to his looks longer , but not his brain.

Completly tongue in cheek, no offence meant, l am a widow in my 50' s.

pictish · 29/04/2022 15:45

Gowithme · 29/04/2022 13:54

Funny that you don't see any men in their late 40's with women in their late 50's though (for those saying a ten year age gap isn't much at that age) - it's all about wanting something young and pretty.

Yes I agree. I think it’s a simple case of finding younger women that bit more of a trophy than women their own age. Shallow but there you have it.

pictish · 29/04/2022 15:56

And I do agree that some men will be chancing their arm with younger women after being rejected by women their own age for being a useless arse….but for the most part and by far, it will simply be down to status. Younger = more value.

layladomino · 29/04/2022 18:24

I too don't think an age gap of less than 10 years is anything to write home about. It may be they like you, and have also asked out older women. It may be that they like to hand on to their youth a bit longer by asking out someone younger. It might be that women their own age will put up with less rubbish than less experienced women.

MarshaBradyo · 29/04/2022 18:27

Maybe they are not sure re your age and think you are older

or maybe they don’t know many single late 40s

or other

Freetodowhatiwant · 29/04/2022 18:32

I am in my late 40s and honest about this on OLD and I get 'liked' and pursued by many many men in their 30s. Not just late 30s but often 30/32. I did date one briefly just to see what it was all about and he was lovely but not for me. I had this theory (I might be wrong) that they were interested in someone 15 years older because they think I can teach them something, maybe also because it's easier if they don't want to have marriage and kids just yet or maybe they just think I look attractive in my pics! Who knows! But like previous posters have said I don't think ten years either side is a massive age gap. I do find it frustrating when one male friend who is about to turn 50 only targets 20-somethings online then wonders why no-one is going for him but I don't see that as the general rule.

Bagelsandbrie · 29/04/2022 18:33

People fancy who they fancy.

I never fancy men my own age. I mean if I had an amazing connection with someone I wouldn’t say no (in the past- I’m married now!) but purely based on looks I’d always go for someone quite a lot younger than me. Dh is 8 years younger than me. We’ve been together 15 years now.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/04/2022 21:23

Ego boost.

Women their age de through the bullshit

They don’t care about you wanting a family. It’s all about them.

StoneRoses22 · 29/04/2022 21:43

They don’t care about you wanting a family. It’s all about them.

This, plus they think women have to.do the vast majority of kid stuff so they don't really worry about having a couple more.

Penguinsaregreat · 29/04/2022 21:43

It's seen as a trophy the same way having an expensive car is.
As for having kids plenty of old men will have kids with a younger woman. If the relationship fails they will just piss off and target an even younger trophey.
My cousin recently commented on the number of 50 year old men who are on dating sites who have young children. They have all had a second family with a much younger woman, the relationship has failed and they are stuck with the kid every weekend. My cousin has said these are not the man for her.
I believe if women had more economic power, they wouldn't settle for a man old enough to be their father. Obviously there would be a small number of exceptions but the vast majority would not.