Men in their 40s

[whitebunnies]

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

I really agree 5128gap

I barely notice men when I'm out and about - but I know they notice me and I'm still massively invisible compared to my younger years.
Same online when I'm swiping, I'm not in a very cosmopolitan area of the country and the men my age all look the same and just nothing there to pique my interest.

To be honest my exh although not actually all that great for me, did set the bar pretty high and I want an upgrade! So until I can be bothered to drop my must haves I'm screwed (or not)

I understand the danger part. I've thought that about one or two dates I've been on and thought the person had left themselves vulnerable had someone with bad intentions been their date instead of me.

Still struggling with some of the hostility on this thread though. Someone uptrend talking about men I'm their 40s not being needed any more? Where does that come from. It's not a good place that's for sure from someone we'll adjusted.

I'm sure you said it tongue in cheek but your comment about men being faulty goods being returned, it panders to a bias that women know best and the man is at fault. It works both ways.

Tbf this is a thread about a specific category of men, 40+ and chasing younger women who were typically not interested in them. If you read the posts where women, myself included, talked about what this is like for a young woman, I'm sure you can see where the negativity comes from?
I'd actually strongly disagree that a woman saying men aren't needed isn't well adjusted. I get the sense from that poster of a woman who is independent and confident to manage by herself, freed from the idea that a man is 'necessary' to a woman. I think that's a good place for a woman to be in a society where men constantly tell us that after a certain age we are no use to them.
My comment was for laughs. But I'm not denying, laced with truth. I have a DP, but have watched friends despairing of the quality of men who message them online, with so little to bring to the table thrmselves, but still treating beautiful successful women like candidates for a job they don't even want.

I can see where the negativity comes from.

I think there is a change in our value as we age. Which does seem to swing more towards men. Possibly because men don't have the longevity so those that do keep going relatively fit, healthy and have our shit together have more value than our female counterparts as there's less of us that are available. I say this as someone that dates their own age.

From experience the past few years the ones going on about how they don't need a man are the ones that seem to want one. Again in works both ways

From experience the last few years the ones going on about how they don't need a man are the ones that seem to want one.
with respect, Casper10 you shouldn't assume that you know more about what women want or need than they do, no matter how much experience you have.

Even when it's obvious 😅

From experience the past few years the ones going on about how they don't need a man are the ones that seem to want one

That means they aren't going to put up with any old fat, sexist slob just for the sake of being in a relationship but they would like a decent man.

Does that help?

I agree there fewer men who are fit, healthy and together in middle age than women.
Unfortunately where I'd have to disagree is that that makes them higher value. Middle aged men are not the only available men.
I say this as somebody who doesn't date their own age.

@5128gap hold on so you date younger men?

My DP is very much younger than me. I've explained in earlier posts that typically men my own age are not at the same level of fitness, health and interest in life as I am. Generally they are also more likely than younger men to have values that aren't in alignment with my own. Plus it would appear the general consensus is that older men really prefer younger women, and I've no desire to be with a man who considers me second best. Better to be with a young one who has chosen an older woman when he could have a young one, than an older man making do because he can't get one.
And before you say that's hypocritical of me, double standards ir some such; this thread is about older men who deliberately seek out and chase younger women who have indicated no interest in them. I didn't seek a younger partner, nor was I the one who did the chasing.

Been following this thread with interest. Im a woman who has always dated older men. Ive found the opposite thats been stated here to be true and that younger men are more sexist, The older men i have dated have been care worker (though formerly an engineer until an accident at work) a delivery driver and a hospital porter. So its never been about money. An older man has never recoiled in horror at the fact that i have pubic hair for instance. The subject has never come up. Thats just one reason. Im nearly 49 now and DH is 72

My DH didnt deliberately seek me out either. Im the only younger woman he has ever dated.

I was almost 19 He was 42

the man i dated before DH was a porn hound. There were piles of mags in his room and pictures of nude women adorning the walls. (1991) DH was the opposite of him who was 24 at the time.

This isn't something that I've ever been aware of. I think you're coming at this with a male bias of optimism. Its nice to be optimistic, but it doesn't mean that others share your optimism.

There seems to be an issue of women explaining what they are attracted and not attracted to in men, and men on this thread, no actually, all women are wrong, and I, as a man, know much better than a woman what a woman will be attracted to. Whereas what they are actually describing is what men are attracted to.

If you're not successful on internet dating, it will be because you are making some kind of social error. For instance, I would automatically exclude someone (if I were single and dating) who used the phrase "the ones going on about". It sounds like something a potentially very argumentative man would say and I've never heard it from my DH. You do in general give the impression of being rather argumentative and I suspect you will respond to this comment with some form of veiled insult disguised as advice or pithy comment.

I have to say I'd also exclude any man with a lengthy history of online dating if I were single. OLD really isn't great, particularly not when it turns into a hobby and the user becomes sort of cynical about it. Its not really a great conversation topic at dinner parties either.

Oh, and if you're wondering why women tend to exclude men for certain, seemingly to you trivial things, its because they want to avoid potential danger, which often comes from partners who have seemed normal in the beginning. Given that we are generally the ones who are raped, abused, stalked and murdered, women tend to develop some level of recognising signals which indicate to her that there might be a risk of a bad choice being made. Its not infallible but it does mean that many women will be put off by seemingly very small things...

There is a lot more to DH than just that. I did have other options.........well apart from a gap yah

Immature men look for women who are a decade younger to make them feel smart.

Absolutely! I would too. I can't stand my mother texting me while I'm at work, I can't imagine why a near stranger would find it appropriate.