Should I take my husbands name ?!?!?!?!

[bananamuffin89]

Recently married, always fancied the idea of double barrelling our surnames. I definitely don't want to remove my surname all together, I know this could change in future years, but right now I'm not ready to just forget my name..

Has anyone else felt like this ?
My new husband obviously wants me to take his surname but I'm honestly not ready right now.

Thoughts please, especially when you've had children and thoughts on their surname 🙃

I changed initially and hated it so informed DH I would be changing back. He then suggested we both hyphenate as sharing a name was very important to him. Have had no issues since and we are both very happy with our name. We have never experienced anyone dropping half of the name which often gets mentioned on here and neither has DS.

I kept my surname, and he kept his. The children were at birth given his surname. There were issues from my not having same surname as my DC when travelling, with schools, doctors, etc as it was not common back then in the 90s. Today, not so many problems as it is more common.

One of the DC when they turned 18 changed their surname to my surname by deed poll because they liked it more and said they felt closer to my side of the family. The other adult DC is keeping my DHs surname as they like that name better. Another is considering doing the same when they turn 18. So we now have DC with both surnames. We are relaxed about it in all honesty, think everyone has right to choose their surname. We are all still family.

i havent changed my name, zero interest to. I had considered double barrelling but my DH wasnt interested so i left it. Do what you want. There is no requirement to change your name but men still seem to think we woman should be taking on their name on marriage

I made my surname my middle name.

I didn’t change my name; didn’t really ever consider it and my husband is happy with whatever I’m happy with

Probably won’t have kids but if we did then they’d have my surname; I’m doing all the work of carrying the baby so it can have my name

I didn't change my name. DCs have my surname as their middle names and DH's as their surname. I've never had any issues at all with travelling, school, doctors etc despite the surnames not matching.

I have quite an unusual surname that I like and feel is very much part of my identity. Before getting married, we discussed names and the though of changing felt so alien.

I took husbands name and initially enthusiastically changed bank details etc but now it's a total faff with some accounts in one name and driver's license in another.

My email doesn't match my name and I wish I'd kept my own name in an official capacity but just used my married name in day to day life.

i didn't change my name. my name is v important to my professional identity & there is no way I would change it.

kids have FirstName MiddleName MyName HisName with MyName as a second middle name rather the double barrelled. there have never been any issues with travel or schools etc.

I know some people who changed their name on some official papers but not others (e.g. retain maiden name for work but change name on passport) and then run into all sorts of problems, e.g. if work book a plane ticket for you.

My SIL has kept her original name on all paperwork but uses Mrs Smith socially because she is married to Mr Smith (my brother, made-up names). That also seems to work fine.

I married very young and changed my name because it was expected and immediately wished I hadn't. After twenty years and a divorce I got my name back and it felt amazingly good.

Think about it for a while, there's no rush. It's your identity so worth making the right choice for you.

I'm Ms Myname, DH is Mr Hisname, ds is Mr Myname-Hisname. Everyone is happy with this, ds never drops part of his (nearly 16), and dh and I have been married 25 years

I took my husband’s name because it is a fantastic name, I wouldn’t have done so otherwise. I kept my name for work.

I didn't change my name, I didn't want to lose my professional history - (why should I?) or have two identities. Kids have DH name - his name is much easier to write and I wanted to pick one for them all to share. I have had zero issues so far - oldest DD is 10. The 3 year old sometimes calls me Mummy-DH name because he knows I will make funny faces about it - other than that they have never asked about it they just assume it is normal.

We are in London and I would say the majority of their friends have mums with different names to their kids, or a few double barrels, whereas most people I know outside of London have changed their name but don't know if that is just a coincidence or an actual regional thing.

Why is it obvious that your DH would want you to take his name?

Plenty of men are respectful of their wife's choices. Mine has never asked me to take his name, he knows it's entirely my decision and keeping my name doesn't make us any less committed to each other.

I never even remotely considered changing my name, however ex insisted on DC all having his surname, which I fundamentally disagree with, but did it for a quiet life.

We have since split up, and I have never had problems travelling extensively with my 3 DC despite our different surnames.

I think the whole 'it will cause problems when travelling' line is a giant red herring, and if it was that much of a concern,n more men would be taking their wives names instead of the other way round.

Don't do it!! And give the kids both of your names? Don't give in to this sexist tradition of taking his name

I would not have wanted to be told/asked/compelled to change my name. It should be your choice. I chose to take my husband's name, because I had no particular attachment to mine - not because I have any issues with my family, but because I just didn't particularly like it, and people constantly spelled it incorrectly and dh's is much easier. Tbh I never did and still don't feel at all 'defined' by my surname, so it didn't feel like a big decision for me. Dh didn't mind whether I kept my name or not.

I kept my name and my DH kept his. The kids were going to have my surname - obviously, I carried them for 9 months but also, our surnames can’t be double-barrelled - but then it impacted DH more than we anticipated, that we wouldn’t share a name as a family. He considered taking my name but that didn’t feel right to me. So we decided on a family name. Our children have that surname and we will (at some point) change our surnames to match.

You don’t need to decide now but I would put forward the idea that your children surnames are double barrelled and see your DHs reaction. You have a problem on your hands if he sees that as a problem. This isn’t about whether you take his name or not, it’s about choice and your choice being respected

I kept my maiden name for professional purposes, and most of my ID and documents are in that name still. I use Mrs DHName informally/socially when I want to (the marriage certificate is proof of that name). Both of my names are listed on my children's birth certificates. I live in quite an old-fashioned area and definitely encountered some snobby/prejudiced attitudes at nursery for having a different surname from my children - which magically evaporated when I made it known I was married to their father. So you may find it less hassle either to double-barrel and all share a name, or to do as I have and mostly keep your name but use Mrs DHName when it suits.

Many women keep their maiden name professionally, for personal use use if you get married take your husbands name, it’s disrespectful not to. If you feel that strongly about retaining your individual identity then don’t get married, I would not entertain a double barreled name these days.

I must be very disrespectful then as I did not change my name and our kids have both surnames (no hyphen). Not sure who I'm disrespecting by not changing my name though as my husband isn't bothered at all.

Disrespectful to who, @Crazykatie ?

I would never change my surname. I get really sad when friends update their Facebook etc and their surname is gone - such an erasure of identity. I will do the Spanish thing with kids in that they get both surnames, not double barrelled just two surnames. They can decide what to go by when adults (commonly it’s the first in the order).

Also if you are married you are entitled to go by their surname in situations where it suits you on an informal basis, so you can introduce yourself as Mrs Husband’s Surname whenever you like!

I feel strongly that I want to respect my ancestors by continuing our family name as far as possible (even if kids drop it in the end, although mine name is just a nicer name so I might win that battle haha).

Many women keep their maiden name professionally, for personal use use if you get married take your husbands name, it’s disrespectful not to.

What utter tosh. In what way is it disrespectful? Why do men somehow require the 'respect'of women taking their names? Why is it not disrespectful to women ifmen don't take their wives' names?

So what is the point of getting married if you keep your own name and the children have yours as well.