Should I take my husbands name ?!?!?!?!

[bananamuffin89]

Recently married, always fancied the idea of double barrelling our surnames. I definitely don't want to remove my surname all together, I know this could change in future years, but right now I'm not ready to just forget my name..

Has anyone else felt like this ?
My new husband obviously wants me to take his surname but I'm honestly not ready right now.

Thoughts please, especially when you've had children and thoughts on their surname 🙃

I'm Ms Myname, DH is Mr Hisname, ds is Mr Myname-Hisname.

Snap, same here.

I never changed mine, it just didn't feel right.

Our son has a version of my surname as his first name.

I'm not a chattel!

Neither am I. That has nothing to do with my name though

Both actually.

I know that my ex took the kids away without me and they were asked by immigration where their mother was. I have travelled with them alone many times and never been asked.

😂😂 If you say so. Personally, I think a family unit makes more sense if mum, dad, baby all have the same surname. Sorry that my opinion offends you 👍

it’s funny how on these threads many women have names that are hard to pronounce but their dh never have the same issues.

it's funny how on these threads people trot this nonsense out and basically accuse posters of lying.

my birth name was ridiculous, I changed it without a second thought on marriage and didn't change it back on divorce.

Well, we all have the same name but as I am divorced we absolutely aren't a team. How does that fit in with your assertion that team = same name? It's nonsense.

I'm not a chattel!

Neither am I. That has nothing to do with my name though.

Well exactly. What nonsense. I got married (age 32) and changed my name. My husband didn't buy me (or even have any preference that I changed my name). Before I got married I had my father's name. I was never a 'chattel' or owned by my father or my husband. Why pretend you think that someone choosing to change their name makes them into someone's property, when you know full well that this is not true?

I'm Ms Myname, DH is Mr Hisname, ds is Mr Myname-Hisname.

I always wonder how that works out for future generations. If your ds married someone whose parents did similar, they would then potentially have a quadruple-barrelled name.

If you say so. Personally, I think a family unit makes more sense if mum, dad, baby all have the same surname.

What do you mean by 'makes sense' here, exactly? Makes sense to whom? The family know they are a family. Their relationships aren't created by their names.

I double barrelled and 5 years later (and still happily married) I regret it. I did it because I didn't want to lumber DD with a double barrelled name, but now I wish I had done it that way round.

@Fairislefandango

I always wonder how that works out for future generations. If your ds married someone whose parents did similar, they would then potentially have a quadruple-barrelled name

Go and ask generations of Latin people, who have been managing this system quite nicely for a lot of years.

I think we should drop the term 'maiden name', its outdated and sexist. Male or female, your name is your name. Personally I believe that women shouldn't change their name on marriage and children should be named after their mother. It's much simpler, especially as up to 50% of marriages end in divorce and despite 50/50 custody many women are still left with the children. If a woman remarries, then any future dc will have the same name as her dc from her first marriage.

Personally I believe that women shouldn't change their name on marriage and children should be named after their mother.

I believe they should do what they want.

I honestly don't think it matters one bit - do what you and your husband are happy with.
I wasn't really bothered at all so went the traditional route and took my husband's name (and so did DC).
I'm not overly keen on double-barrelling to get around the problem as it seems like it is just passing on the decision to the next generation. What happens when Smith-Brown marries Watson-White?
I quite like the idea of choosing a new family name for everyone and starting fresh.

Go and ask generations of Latin people, who have been managing this system quite nicely for a lot of years.

I didn't have any Latin people handy, so I just read about it on Wikipedia. It seems that when a married couple have a child, the child gets a double-barrelled surname made out of only the first (i.e. paternal) surnames of each of his parents - so his grandfathers' names. So it's still men's surnames taking precedence then?

I quite like the idea of choosing a new family name for everyone and starting fresh.

I know a couple who merged their surnames into one new name, which I quite liked! But it worked well with their particular names, which might not be the case for others!

Well yes, obviously people should do what they want, but op asked for opinions.

I kept my name for about 5 years until we have our kids then changed so we were all then same. I was really attached to my own name adnjustbstruggled to give it up, nothing wrong my my married name but just had an attachment to it lol.

‘the child gets a double-barrelled surname made out of only the first (i.e. paternal) surnames of each of his parents - so his grandfathers' names. So it's still men's surnames taking precedence then?’

People always think this is such a gotcha. None of us have any control over the name we’re given at birth. My name belongs to me as much my brother’s name is his. And the only name I can pass on to me child is the one I have. So it really gets on my tits when someone says ‘oh but it’s not even your name. sorry’.

I kept mine. It's sensible and much simpler. The only person who squawked about it was my MIL who felt my commitment to her son wasn't "genuine" 🙄 if I didn't change my name. And there were a few weird concerns from older family members about our children not knowing I was their mother if we didn't all share the same last name... Lol.

Two double barrelled people can choose any number of permutations and combinations.

I always wonder how that works out for future generations. If your ds married someone whose parents did similar, they would then potentially have a quadruple-barrelled name

I mean, a poster on this actual thread gave an actual example of what they did in real life, where one partner was double-barrelled prior to the marriage.

But definitely don't let reading the thread get in the way of a bit of disingenuous 'I always wonder...' silliness.

Being divorced is a totally different situation to what's being discussed though...

My husband took my name!

I don't know why you say your new husband "obviously wants me to take his name"... why should he?

Same with me. I didn't take my husband's name, and he supported that decision. In fact, he often is the one who corrects people when they assume I have his name. Some men are feminist allies. I married one.