Should I take my husbands name ?!?!?!?!

[bananamuffin89]

Recently married, always fancied the idea of double barrelling our surnames. I definitely don't want to remove my surname all together, I know this could change in future years, but right now I'm not ready to just forget my name..

Has anyone else felt like this ?
My new husband obviously wants me to take his surname but I'm honestly not ready right now.

Thoughts please, especially when you've had children and thoughts on their surname 🙃

My partner and I both have our original last names and our children are double barreled. We made this choice as we knew that whether or not we marry in future neither of us will be changing our names. Apart from the school office sometimes addressing me as "Mrs hisname-myname" instead of "Ms myname" there haven't been any issues. Partner has a double barrelled name himself already so we chose one half of it to mix with mine and the other half is used as one of our children's middle names. His parents and sisters all did the same thing when they married and had children.

It's quite simple really.

If you want to change it, do so, whether that be double barrelled or just changing to one surname.
If you don't, don't.

It really makes no difference.

I changed mine happily. My maiden name is lovely but mu husband's is equally as nice. My identity is about much more than just my surname and I never even considered not changing it. I can't even articulate why I wanted to change it except it felt like a special thing to do and my husband felt honoured by it. Marriage is more to me than just a name, but I looked forward to be Mrs Husband's Name and have never regretted it once. Totally personal decision and is really just a cultural thing that has no more weight over your marriage than whether you wear white on your wedding day or wear a veil over your face. It certainly didn't make me feel like I was suddenly my husband's doormat or that I lost my identity. I just thought it was a fun thing to do!

If he wants the same name as you ask him to take yours.

Oh bless you, your marriage is about how you appear to other people, rather than about your love and commitment to each other? I'm so sorry, that must be tough.

You'll really upset the 'but what will double-barrelled people do when they get married, they'll have to have four last names!' handwringers with your sensible, angst-free approach.

I think you should take his name otherwise how will people know who you belong to ?

It's up to you. You can do what you want. I did but I hate my surname.

But your own surname is already a man's surname that was previously taken.

Are you having children? I'm changing my name to my husband's. We're a family, we all want the same surname.

My last name is my maternal grandfather's last name, not "mine".

That's how I see it anyway.

Their old Ma wants to make sure they know what they are letting themselves in for if they get married.

So only men own their names and you're just wafting about waiting for a man to grant his name to you?

That's so pathetic of you.

What on earth are you on about with 'not appearing as a family'? I genuinely don't understand what you mean by this.

There's no need to insult people who make a different choice to you.

I changed my name in the passion of the wedding process and always regretted it! It's our 10 year anniversary this year, and my gift to myself is changing it to Mrs MaidenName-HisName.
It's such a weird thing, I'll always be a 'MaidenName', but now I'm also a 'HisName', so it makes sense to me to have both names as part of my identity now.

I double-barrelled my maiden name with my 1st husband’s surname. I didn’t change it when I married number 2.

My last name is my maternal grandfather's last name, not "mine".

So your mother gave you her surname and you're still determined to regard it as solely belonging to her father? Please don't have kids and pass this regressive shit on to them.

And also, my husband had absolutely no preference over what I did, keep mine, double barrel, change his to mine, we considered them all fairly.
I would find it hard to marry someone who had a strong opinion on me taking his name I'm afraid!

Say what now? 😆

Think it's a weird tradition tbh. I'll be keeping my name and if I wanted kids, they would be keeping my name too considering I bloody well grew them.

Only reason I'd maybe take his name would be if its a lot shorter than mine. Then signatures will be quicker. No way would I want to add another name in, it's more letters to have to sign.

When you get married, you're supposed to be a team. What kind of team has separate names? Double barrel at the very least. Also, kids should have their dad's surname for me. There would be no child without the father and refusing to let the kids have his name is just marginalising him and acting like the immaculate conception has taken place 🙄

What kind of team has separate names?

Members of pretty much every single team keep their own names.

If your husband cares so much why not suggest he changes his surname and then you’ll both have the same? See how he likes it

Not sure why you’ve said ‘obviously’ as I’ve not known any friends who’s husbands have wanted them to change their surname? Mine didn’t even ask, it was assumed we would keep our names. Children are double-barrelled.

This is ridiculous. If it matter that much for the team to have the same name he can change it. For me if you have done all the work (pregnancy and birth) the child should get your name. If the child’s adopted (no partner had more effort into producing the child) flip a coin. I’ll be keeping my name and if I ever have a baby you best believe it’s going to have my name