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Original poster

Should I take my husbands name ?!?!?!?!

189 replies

bananamuffin89 · 28/04/2022 11:07

Recently married, always fancied the idea of double barrelling our surnames. I definitely don't want to remove my surname all together, I know this could change in future years, but right now I'm not ready to just forget my name..

Has anyone else felt like this ?
My new husband obviously wants me to take his surname but I'm honestly not ready right now.

Thoughts please, especially when you've had children and thoughts on their surname 🙃

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 28/04/2022 21:10

No
why does he 'obviously' want you to?
why doesn't he change his?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 28/04/2022 21:12

Crazykatie · 28/04/2022 12:30

So what is the point of getting married if you keep your own name and the children have yours as well.

Oh... literally ALL the other reasons to get married is the point of getting married
changing one's name has never been the point of getting married.

AdoraBell · 28/04/2022 21:12

I’m double barrelled. In laws have never accepted it but DH has.

Do whatever you prefer OP and DCs can have both names too. Then they can decide when they are adults.

orangeisthenewpuce · 28/04/2022 21:20

I took my first husbands name because I wanted to, when we divorced I kept the name so I had the same name as my children. When I remarried (my children were grown up) I've taken my new husbands name. I like the tradition and it's been my choice to do so.

Noisyprat · 28/04/2022 21:31

Oooh I love a good surname thread, always a laugh!

It always amazes me how lots of women change their name because they 'didn't like their surname', then they get divorced and change their name again 🤔. And then they reveal they have a brother who strangely enough didn't think there was anything wrong with their surname and got married and the wife took their name 😂. I don't know men and women, so different about what makes a nice name.......

Anyway there are so many reasons put forward on these threads about name changes but essentially everyone must do what they want. However be under no illusion, the history behind this is that a woman was owned by her father and then given away to another man, she then became his and changed her name to be Mrs XYZ. All this 'we're a team/unit' is a made up excuse to justify what people do, but as I've said if you like it and believe it that's up to you.

For me, I'm not married but my children have their father's name. With hindsight I wish I had doubled barreled but I'm not losing any sleep over it. I hope that I have raised my 2 to be independent and not bow to patriarchical pressure and keep their names. I'm encouraging DD to use Ms and to keep her name should she get married. Also encouraging DS to keep his name and respect his partners choices and not expect a name change.

ViaRia · 28/04/2022 21:56

@JassyRadlett yes we discussed it but, as we both agreed, the conversation didn’t take very long.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/04/2022 23:15

@TheEnemy123

There would be no child without the father and refusing to let the kids have his name is just marginalising him and acting like the immaculate conception has taken place

What an odd logic to try to use.

Because the same is true of the mother.

So how is giving them their father's last name not marginalising her?

BobHadBitchTits · 29/04/2022 02:46

I wish I hadn't changed my surname. No issued in our marriage, but my name doesn't really feel like "mine".

Ponderingwindow · 29/04/2022 02:49

Why does he want you to take his name? He could just as easily take yours?

you could always flip a coin to pick a surname for the children.

GreyCarpet · 29/04/2022 06:01

I took my ex husband's name when I married only for the reason that I was abused and wanted to distance myself from my family. I kept it when I divorced.

It was a huge pain because my qualifications are all in a different name to the one I use. It was a pain changing my name and ridiculously, when I tried to change my name with a couple of organisations (TV Licensing being one of fhem), I was told I didn't have the authority to do so because I was Mrs MarriedName and the account was under the name of Miss MaidenName and so they couldn't speak to me about it because I had admitted to them that I wasn't the account holder... TV Licensing person actually argued with me on the phone. It was fucking ridiculous.

If I remarry, I will keep my current name.

Reallyreallyborednow · 29/04/2022 07:19

So what is the point of getting married if you keep your own name and the children have yours as well

well exactly. If you don’t change your name and become a Mrs how will people know you’re married?

i mean come on, life's greatest achievement to snag a man, what’s the point if casual acquaintances don’t know?

even worse, they may think you’re an unmarried mother. Yes- i’ve actually had that said to me.

fwiw I like having a different name. There are many advantages.

eurochick · 29/04/2022 07:25

How is this even still a debate in 2022? Why are women continuing to voluntarily subjugate themselves in this way?

SoupDragon · 29/04/2022 07:26

eurochick · 29/04/2022 07:25

How is this even still a debate in 2022? Why are women continuing to voluntarily subjugate themselves in this way?

oh do bore of with your insults.

it's 2022, why are women still being nasty about other women who chose differently the them?

SoupDragon · 29/04/2022 07:29

It always amazes me how lots of women change their name because they 'didn't like their surname', then they get divorced and change their name again 🤔. And then they reveal they have a brother who strangely enough didn't think there was anything wrong with their surname and got married and the wife took their name 😂. I don't know men and women, so different about what makes a nice name.......

well, for me it was the combination of first and surname. SO hilarious a decision and worthy of 😂 and 🤔

do try to understand that different people view things (including their own name) differently to others. It's really not difficult.

ColMustardInTheLibrary · 29/04/2022 07:35

I’m getting married in 2 months. I’ve had this chat with my fiancé. I’m keeping my name and he’s completely fine with that. If he had a weird insistence that I change my name that might lead me to question his motives. But he’s a great bloke so he had no such worries because he’s confident in himself and our relationship and doesn’t need any sort of ownership label via my surname.

mynameisbrian · 29/04/2022 08:26

eurochick i agree with you

Woman who choose to continue to change names on marriage dont like someone asking why. They feel uncomfortable with the challenge, make bizarre excuse as in truth most dont even think about it, its just a given that the woman changes her name. Just need to read some of the comments on here. There are hundreds and hundreds of articles on the matter. I would advise any woman to read some before happily signing away there name. Its a choice not to change your name but assumed that you will on marriage and most still do. We are allowed to challenge each other and woman need to stop hiding behind 'choice'.

inews.co.uk/opinion/married-women-take-husband-name-patriarchy-497605
www.independent.co.uk/voices/maiden-name-change-marriage-deed-poll-b2060611.html

Original poster
bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 10:08

DirectionToPerfection · 28/04/2022 11:38

Why is it obvious that your DH would want you to take his name?

Plenty of men are respectful of their wife's choices. Mine has never asked me to take his name, he knows it's entirely my decision and keeping my name doesn't make us any less committed to each other.

Simply because of society and the culture of women taking their husbands name and since the day we were married everyone has been calling me by his surname without even asking.

thanks for your reply, I agree. :)

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 29/04/2022 10:12

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 28/04/2022 21:12

Oh... literally ALL the other reasons to get married is the point of getting married
changing one's name has never been the point of getting married.

Show quote history

Yes, I don't think CrazyKatie understands the point of marriage at all.

Original poster
bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 10:12

Noisyprat · 28/04/2022 21:31

Oooh I love a good surname thread, always a laugh!

It always amazes me how lots of women change their name because they 'didn't like their surname', then they get divorced and change their name again 🤔. And then they reveal they have a brother who strangely enough didn't think there was anything wrong with their surname and got married and the wife took their name 😂. I don't know men and women, so different about what makes a nice name.......

Anyway there are so many reasons put forward on these threads about name changes but essentially everyone must do what they want. However be under no illusion, the history behind this is that a woman was owned by her father and then given away to another man, she then became his and changed her name to be Mrs XYZ. All this 'we're a team/unit' is a made up excuse to justify what people do, but as I've said if you like it and believe it that's up to you.

For me, I'm not married but my children have their father's name. With hindsight I wish I had doubled barreled but I'm not losing any sleep over it. I hope that I have raised my 2 to be independent and not bow to patriarchical pressure and keep their names. I'm encouraging DD to use Ms and to keep her name should she get married. Also encouraging DS to keep his name and respect his partners choices and not expect a name change.

I completely agree. I love my name which Ive had for nearly 35 years.... not ready to just forget it.
I think most of my feelings evolve around the principal and history that a woman should be changing their name and it automatically expected/should happen. I understand the culture behind it and I just dont agree 😊

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 29/04/2022 10:13

bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 10:08

Simply because of society and the culture of women taking their husbands name and since the day we were married everyone has been calling me by his surname without even asking.

thanks for your reply, I agree. :)

Show quote history

You need to politely ask them not to.

My mum tried this for a while after I got married but she stopped after a while when it became obvious that I had no intention of changing my name.

Original poster
bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 10:24

Cyw2018 · 28/04/2022 16:43

I double barrelled and 5 years later (and still happily married) I regret it. I did it because I didn't want to lumber DD with a double barrelled name, but now I wish I had done it that way round.

What do you wish now, that you had just took his name?
Would you think about changing it now :)?

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 29/04/2022 10:25

bananamuffin89 i was upset when I got married with the number of congratulations cards stating Mr & Mrs husbands name. I have told them to cut it out, i havent changed my name and have zero intention of doing so.

pointythings · 29/04/2022 10:57

I took my husband's surname but only because mine was foreign and difficult to spell/pronounce for an English speaker. I've kept it for the same reason now that I'm single again.

DDs have their dad's name - they want to change, but it's difficult as they are not UK nationals and for my country of birth the process is a pain in the neck.

Original poster
bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 11:01

Lampsout · 28/04/2022 13:06

I think you should take his name otherwise how will people know who you belong to ?

your message is pretty transparent 😛
trying your best to wind people up 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
bananamuffin89 · 29/04/2022 11:04

Hannahthepink · 28/04/2022 13:14

I changed my name in the passion of the wedding process and always regretted it! It's our 10 year anniversary this year, and my gift to myself is changing it to Mrs MaidenName-HisName.
It's such a weird thing, I'll always be a 'MaidenName', but now I'm also a 'HisName', so it makes sense to me to have both names as part of my identity now.

Fair play on changing it now 10 years later 😊💪

OP posts: