Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So, after a horrendous break up last February, I worked so hard on myself to get back to loving life as a singleton. I was happy on my own but happened to meet my partner in September when I wasn't even looking. It was a short but intense whirlwind that ended rather roughly last Friday. I'm 6 days no contact with absolutely no hope of hearing from him (he doesn't care at all and is out there loving life, partying, city trips, joining new sports clubs etc), whilst I am here processing my feelings and feeling a bit stuck. I gave my all to this short relationship and lost myself in the process of his controlling behaviour, lack of interest and effort. He begged for me take him back (after he continuously messed up) and told me he would change and he never did. He asked for this last chance to prove to me things will be different only to emotionally check out of the relationship and have the audacity to deny it when I brought up all the tell tale signs to him - I was just emotional due to my period apparently. My fault of course for believing and staying with him for as long as I did. But regardless of how long you're with someone, when you give your all to them and it ends for them to only go off and sail into the sunset without a care in the world, it is always going to hurt. So here I am again

Anyone else want to joint the breakup club?

This 😭would probably be more appropriate on a badge 😂

Sorry to hear how you're feeling @AnotherDayAnotherDoleur

It sounds like you need to get some stuff planned in if you can and if you can face it. I know you probably won't feel like it and hopefully your ADs will help but you need to try and keep busy and distracted.

I'm distracting myself with catching up with friends, they'll all be sick of me re-hashing the same old stuff soon! I've got jobs to do about the house and I'm going into the office for a couple of days this week which will also help when my ex is back in the house packing his stuff up. I'm trying to plan my weekends in advance as much as I can so that I have some purpose each day, even if it's just popping to see family, catching up with a friend or even just setting myself a specific job to do.

I'm getting more used to my own company again, to be fair we were at the point where we did so little together that it's not much different!

I'm on day 2 of no crying, I had to reset on Saturday night as I drank too much wine and had a little cry before bed! I suspect I'll be resetting quite a lot over the next few weeks...

Thank you am feeling a bit stronger today. I just find it really hard to reconcile the kind decent man he's always been with this person I don't know. Doesn't help that I have to keep seeing him and he's always chatty friendly, wants to talk about life other than the practical things that we need to discuss. His initial suggestion was that he'd live in our house with the ow and he'd build me a house next door and we'd all be best friends and keep running our business together 🙄 that's how removed from reality he is xx

Thank you I think I'll be happier in the end I didn't realise until I got out how long I've been tip toeing around his moods for. Have sought legal advice and when it's all sorted out I will be ok should be able to purchase a small house outright and he will have to buy me out of the business. Just sucks at the moment that it's him that wants this but me that's in my mum's spare room and desperately looking for any job to support myself whilst he carries on with life as normal. He's most upset I've got a solicitor as he wanted to do it ourselves without as we don't need to waste money on that🙄. There is nearly a million pounds worth of assets some inherited by him and some not as well as two businesses and the finances surrounding them even if I trusted him to be fair (which I don't) there's just no way we could sort all that out on our own.

FloraMillie

please go grey rock with him
you owe him nothing
and duck yeah he doesn’t want a solicitor ! Funny that !

I know it’s hard to hear as you have had the lovely time and memories

but it’s over , he’s betrayed you and he isn’t your friend

a Soliciter can handle this
and he probably won’t stay so amicable

as for thinking you him and the OW could share a plot of land
is he on glue !!!!

Thank you he's now saying he only got married as it was something I wanted to do and was just a bit of paper nothing important. He proposed to me and I never pressured that. I was also always clear that I wanted a marriage not a wedding so we had a small affair but it really meant something to me it hurts that it didn't to him. I know I could never trust him again and I don't want to live like that. I thought I had accepted it and was doing ok but these last two weeks it feels like I'm right back at the beginning again and I just miss him so much. I'm getting on with it on the surface (no choice but to really) and am very lucky to have fantastic family and friends and a very all consuming hobby so that's all positive. I'm fine being on my own I just can't get over the thought of being without him. We were two halves of the same whole and I felt so lucky to have met and married my perfect partner. We've achieved so much together and come through a lot I honestly thought we were rock solid. It hurts so much that he'd throw all that awash seemingly without a second thought.

Oh he says I can trust him and he'd never screw me over! Oh the irony. His latest is he'll get his mate to do a valuation and I won't need to get my own done as I can just trust his. It's even more insulting that he clearly thinks I'm stupid. My personal favourite on hearing I'd seen a solicitor and advised him to do the same was "you're much further ahead with all this than me" rather rich coming from someone whose already living with someone else!

Floramillie…please keep your eyes open. Get a solicitor as soon as possible. Ask around friends and get informed. His word has 0 value and believe me you can’t trust anyone with your money, your assets and your future. I made a huge mistake trusting my ex husband and dad of my kids. It took me another 4 years of legal battles to fix an amicable divorce!. In the end I got there just. I regret not lawyering up from minute 1 and being too nice and trusting him. I fought back , but this is hassle you don’t need starting a new life. You need peace of mind and security and you need to stay the hell away from him and his new girlfriend. You will be fine and meet someone nice. Count your blessings (I assume you have no kids with him?) and be free and safe

So… not posted on here for a bit. Still VERY sad. Anyhow unfortunately for me (usually if I split up from someone I don’t message etc and walk away ) but I work with this man. Don’t have to see him luckily, however this week he has messaged me at work about work stuff with xxx on.

Annnndddd if that isn’t 🤪 enough he rang about a work related thing which I was totally professional about but ended the call with “ bye bye, love you “

Total fuckity head fuck 🙄

I need a new job.

Wtf?!? He said love you?!?! What are these guys on???

Mine is moving out this weekend, moving an hour away from everyone he knows to be near his new gf.

He's currently got the hump because I've asked him to stop asking me where I'm going and who I'm seeing. I don't know what planet he's on! He's dangling the carrot of he's still not sure on his decision and that if I'm trying to make him think I'm hooking up with people then he won't change his mind.

At the moment I would still take him back but I'm damn sure not sitting about waiting for him while he shags someone else.

So I'll get the silent treatment or short answers for a while. Probably not a bad thing to be honest as after tomorrow I shouldn't need to see him very often.

I don’t know 🙄 he’s ghosted me for weeks , has issues with family but not my concern now. New job so I can move on.

They’re such a strange species. He’s broken me ☹️ I’ll never trust anyone again.

It doesn't feel like it now, but you will with time.

Job hunting is good anyway, it gives you something positive to focus on x

Having to work with him is agro but on the other hand, if you like the job and want to stay put, you have every right to stay. Yes, it’s awkward but only you can decide if you can stand it. You will get over it, time is a good healer