Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So, after a horrendous break up last February, I worked so hard on myself to get back to loving life as a singleton. I was happy on my own but happened to meet my partner in September when I wasn't even looking. It was a short but intense whirlwind that ended rather roughly last Friday. I'm 6 days no contact with absolutely no hope of hearing from him (he doesn't care at all and is out there loving life, partying, city trips, joining new sports clubs etc), whilst I am here processing my feelings and feeling a bit stuck. I gave my all to this short relationship and lost myself in the process of his controlling behaviour, lack of interest and effort. He begged for me take him back (after he continuously messed up) and told me he would change and he never did. He asked for this last chance to prove to me things will be different only to emotionally check out of the relationship and have the audacity to deny it when I brought up all the tell tale signs to him - I was just emotional due to my period apparently. My fault of course for believing and staying with him for as long as I did. But regardless of how long you're with someone, when you give your all to them and it ends for them to only go off and sail into the sunset without a care in the world, it is always going to hurt. So here I am again

Anyone else want to joint the breakup club?

@namechangedlikeeveryone I absolutely agree with you. I was unhappy with him yet I am unhappy without him too. Looking back we just weren't compatible. But the empty phone fills me with a sense of disappointment, even though I feel deep down it's a blessing. So hard when you feel so conflicted

I’m sorry for all of you - I’ve been where you are and never want to go back :(. 3 years on and I’m ok but still get assaulted by memories fairly regularly that hit me right in the pit of my stomach. Saw these words recently, and they really helped. Hope they’re comforting to some of you.

Meant to say that those are words spoken by Anthony Hopkins.

Also, they’re not attached in the right order! Sorry - I’m giving you all extra work to do when I was trying to help!

Thank you so much @Nailest those words really hit home, and they are so true! X

Great words, so true.
I’m struggling today. Weekends are hard, have to keep myself as busy as I can. Bright sunny days don’t help as I just keep thinking what we would be doing together.

Sunny weekends are difficult, even if you get out and about all you see are happy couples and families enjoying the weather. At least if the weather's shit you feel more able to mope inside with crap on the tv.

Sadly I need to join this group 😢. After 10 long years it’s all come to an end. My house feels very big and very quiet. I hate the sense that I will never be happy again. I hate feeling like I don’t want to move on. How long does it take for you to start feeling better? Is NC really the best way forward? Sitting here in tears feeling like I was never good enough 😢

How is everyone today? I woke up after having a horrible dream about my ex, telling me he didn't love me anymore and he'd met someone else. So a horrible dream to then have morning anxiety and back to the reality of dealing with this shifty breakup. Give me break

I feel also very low today. Very, very low and sad 😞

@merl20 I'm sorry to hear you feel so low today. Do you have any plans to keep you busy? I get the Sunday blues as it is. I'm up early and doing some reading, I hope you can try and do something kind for yourself.

@Theonlywayisup11 welcome but as we say to everyone, sorry you have to join us :(
How are you this morning? I wish there was a standard timeline we could follow to feel better. The beginning of the end is tough, it's all the changes in routine, the lack of contact. NC isn't for everyone, but if you are being breadcrumbed, mistreated or if it's easier for you to heal and not have them pop in and out of your life then it is for the best. I blocked my ex on everything and just recently unblocked him on FB and I'm obsessively checking his profile again (don't know why as I'm only going to hurt myself). Please do what's right for you and don't give a thought about anything else at this moment in time. Being selfish is sometimes all we have to get by

Sorry so many of us are struggling, hopefully we are all one day closer to feeling better.

I feel like NC is best for me. I’ve taken myself off social media so I’m not tempted to unblock him and watch his profile - I have spent so much time doing that previously and I only end up hurting myself. We can’t be together, no matter how much I miss him, no matter how shit I’m feeling right now I know that if he came back we would end up in the same cycle. I can’t do it to myself anymore.

I am realising I’m co-dependant and trauma bonded, it’s a toxic and abusive relationship and I need to go cold turkey. I can’t speak to him again, but that doesn’t stop me hoping he’ll find a way to contact me 😞

Is it okay if I pull up a chair to join the club ? :-(
I don't know what to do with myself. The relationship has been a bit rocky for a number of weeks now but it still feels like such a shock it's over. I really really want to message him saying "this is silly, we love each other , we can work it out " but in reality we've already that that conversation several times and we can't work it out :(. It's so so hard admitting after two years we're just not compatible:(. I keep trying to convince myself "what if " and try to minimise the incompatibilities but then when reality smacks in again, the wave of hurt comes over again:(

I woke up in the night after having had a dream as well, except mine was him telling me he wanted to get back together. It's all I want to hear at the moment. I'm not sure I've said openly on here, but he has met someone else and has been spending a lot of weekends away from the house.

I thought I'd started to feel a bit better, the sick anxious feeling had eased off a bit and we've started to try and co-exist. We had a bit of an upsetting conversation yesterday, he's struggling with me asking him to move out. He says he understands why, but then keeps telling me I'm kicking him out. I feel like I'm in a parallel universe! You met someone else you twat, of course you can't still live here forever!!

We both keep dwelling on why things went wrong and blaming each other and it's not making either of us feel better.

Has anyone looked at the ChumpLady forum on Facebook, I joined yesterday but honestly I think the posts just depressed me even more so I've unfollowed for the timebeing.

@Ceebeegee of course you can, we're all here for you! It's so difficult because as women, we are 'fixers'and just 'giving up' doesn't come naturally to us. But like you say, if you've had the conversation and tried to fix things so many times and nothing changes, you fall into that unhealthy cycle, and how long can you be in it before you start to become unwell and unhappy yourself. I was there, I gave him so many chances, that he asked for and did nothing with. Our incompatibilities were huge but I still love him. I think I'm also codependent and like the connection despite not actually being happy in the relationship. We'll get through this

@smurfmonkey I didn't know that, I'm so sorry. That must be awful and especially since you live together, you aren't getting any 'space' to call your own and to heal i he is constantly popping in and out. I don't know how you remain so calm, if it was me, I'd have kicked him out. Why do we always want things knowing they make us unhappy? It's like we hold on to potential rather reality and we just hurt ourselves more. I'm sick of it.

That sounds almost unbearable- it’s no wonder you’re struggling.

He needs to move out so you can start to heal, his behaviour is cruel. I’m so sorry you’re going through this x

My friend sent me this earlier, it’s absolutely how our relationship was.

Going No Contact is so hard. Never speaking to someone you love ever again. They're just a phonecall away but you can't. I thought about deleting /blocking but I can't bring myself to delete their number "just in case ". But In case of what, I don't even know

I'm really struggling to stay on the thread as the app keeps kicking me out so hopefully this will post - still here, feeling better after a complete emotional meltdown yesterday. Horrible day but definitely feeling a bit more at peace. Will try and catch up later if the site lets me!

Can I join. Left my abusive partner in January and he has reached out so many times saying he will change. I know it's all lies and I just want to heal now. I miss him terribly, but I know he won't change and is not a nice person. It's hard as the person he sold me at the start was amazing, but I now know it was all lies and not who he really is.

I’ve just ended a rather torrid 3-4 month fling
whilst the ‘cons’ list was a long one - i Miss having him in my life and the sex was great

so I’m also in the WhatsApp checking camp and feeling rather low and meh and sad

I’ve also been drinking far too much

I last messaged him Thursday and not heard a peep
anyway I’ll shut up !!
but following

I think people don’t change
so I must hold onto that

I’m almost there too… thinking of breaking up for the umpteenth time…we still WhatsApp but he goes for 1 or 2 days not contacting at all. He does not read my messages either until the day after etc…It’s really hard to admit we can’t go on so I feel for all of us in this wretched position. We need time alone or dating other guys …whatever works

This is exactly where I am and have been on nd off for the last 6 years 😳😱…quite an eye opener seeing this message written by someone else

I’m so sorry for everyone who’s struggling. This pain is crazy. I messaged him “I miss you.” He replied he misses me too. I don’t know.. I know he is the love of my life but the timing is soo wrong. I’m sure I’ll see him in the office tomorrow but I’ll try to avoid him.
like somone said - hopefully we are all one day closer to feeling better