Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So, after a horrendous break up last February, I worked so hard on myself to get back to loving life as a singleton. I was happy on my own but happened to meet my partner in September when I wasn't even looking. It was a short but intense whirlwind that ended rather roughly last Friday. I'm 6 days no contact with absolutely no hope of hearing from him (he doesn't care at all and is out there loving life, partying, city trips, joining new sports clubs etc), whilst I am here processing my feelings and feeling a bit stuck. I gave my all to this short relationship and lost myself in the process of his controlling behaviour, lack of interest and effort. He begged for me take him back (after he continuously messed up) and told me he would change and he never did. He asked for this last chance to prove to me things will be different only to emotionally check out of the relationship and have the audacity to deny it when I brought up all the tell tale signs to him - I was just emotional due to my period apparently. My fault of course for believing and staying with him for as long as I did. But regardless of how long you're with someone, when you give your all to them and it ends for them to only go off and sail into the sunset without a care in the world, it is always going to hurt. So here I am again

Anyone else want to joint the breakup club?

merl20…”I miss you “…”I miss you too”… same thing exact thing…he’s the love of my life too…but he’s had enough time to make it right for us and hasn’t

So after some contact over the weekend - initiated by me obv 🙄 - I can conclude that actually he doesn't appear to be missing me or even remotely bothered. So this is actually helpful, he's fallen well and truly off his pedestal now. Feeling quite strong at the moment although I know this ain't a linear process, and I'm considering jumping back on the apps soon 😬 feel like I need some banter and a bit of flirty fun. Terrible idea??

@AnotherDayAnotherDoleur no, go for it! Nothing wrong in using it as a distraction!

I’m on day 3 of no contact, longest ever, and I’m feeling ok! Deleted all the photos today too 💪

My dickhead used to tell me all the time it was definitely over, but always came back. Not this time!

@AnotherDayAnotherDoleur I also say go for it!

I had a good bitch fest with a friend yesterday, it helped a bit. Hilariously he asked when I said I was going out "oh, off anywhere nice?" I wanted to tell him it was none of his bloody business, but to keep the peace and I told him who I was seeing. The flamin' cheek!

@SophieSoSo that is a big step deleting photos, well done! I'm not there yet, I was getting a bit upset looking through some so need to move them off my phone. It's not just photos of him but places we went. I don't want to get rid of the memories but I don't want them easily accessible for me to wallow at looking.

Joining!!! 5 months in, second try and tricky due to coparenting and competing pile of shite life events 😂 I just want to get on the road to my bright shiny future of peace and joy already! Sorry to hear you did all that work only to fall prey again OP. However the initial work you did on yourself will absolutely stand to you. And probably means you enforced your boundaries in a much healthier way in your more recent relationship. Sending hugs

@smurfmonkey do you have an iPhone? If so, click on the photo as if you were going to share it and press hide instead.

There is a hidden folder above the deleted items folder in camera roll and they’ll go in there instead. Means you can access them when you want to but they don’t sit amongst your other photos.

@SophieSoSo no I'm an android lover I'm afraid, I'll have to do it the old fashioned way and move them to my laptop 😂

Does anyone know if you can hide profile pictures on WhatsApp? He's changed his stupid profile picture and I don't want to see his gurning face pop up at when he messages. NC would be so much easier but I can't do that when he's still living here 😔

Second this. Also F%@# You by Lily Allen and some PJ Harvey 😆

Hey everyone, how was everyone’s weekend?

I saw friends on Friday and it was lovely at the time and I actually had a laugh but seemed to make me worse when I woke up on Saturday with a hangover so had a bad day in bed not being able to stop overthinking😥

He also keeps messaging me for another chance but I’ve gave him too many chances and the cycle of abuse always happens again so I need to be strong and keep telling him no. He doesn’t want to believe that we are over. I don’t want to either but I can’t do it anymore! Just want to feel better!

Hey everyone, how was everyone’s weekend?

I saw friends on Friday and it was lovely at the time and I actually had a laugh but seemed to make me worse when I woke up on Saturday with a hangover so had a bad day in bed not being able to stop overthinking😥

He also keeps messaging me for another chance but I’ve gave him too many chances and the cycle of abuse always happens again so I need to be strong and keep telling him no. He doesn’t want to believe that we are over. I don’t want to either but I can’t do it anymore! Just want to feel better!

Omg - the Lily Allen one I have at full blast too. Also Shout Out to my Ex
Very therapeutic!!

Sinking again tonight. I miss him so much. I think at this point more than reconciliation I'm actually desperate for some indication that I actually fucking mattered to him, that he misses me and thinks about me and is also in a eternal struggle not to send a message or call. As it becomes more obvious that he isn't the more I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I don't think I imagined the whole relationship but it's like it never happened sometimes.

@AnotherDayAnotherDoleur why the hell don't they suffer as much as we do?! It's just so unfair.

He's the worthless piece of shit though, not you.

@smurfmonkey thank you 😊
Does anyone else create entire fantasy scenarios in their head where they show up, or call saying exactly what you want to hear from them? Grand gestures and declarations of undying love. It's ridiculous, I'm a 40 year old mother of three with a high stress full time job and I'm crumbling because of a boy 😞

Yup, been doing that all the time. Stupidly bawling my eyes out this evening, it feels like we're carrying on as normal and then it just hits me we aren't, he doesn't love me.

I need to stop daydreaming that he misses us and want to get back together.

Fucks sake!

@AnotherDayAnotherDoleur yes! Oh my god the conversations I’ve had in my head. Utterly ridiculous.

Mine’s messaged me apologising and saying how strong he thought our connection was. Total headfuck.

And after feeling so strong I’m really struggling tonight. This is the longest in three years we haven’t spoken and I feel sick.

Ive unblocked him and I’m just watching his online status. I know his number by heart so it’s too easy to add him back. It’s taking all my strength not to reach out 😔

Sounds like a few of us are struggling tonight 😞
I had a 10 minute bimble on Bumble feeling sick the entire time in case he popped up (we met on Tinder.) Have now snoozed it for a week, yeah I'm not ready for the apps!
Saw this earlier and it resonated:

'Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn't love me. But they lost someone who loved them.'

I really really want this teenage angst phase to go away. I felt so much better yesterday. I want him to call me 😢

I was thinking about why so many of us feel crap tonight, I wonder if it's because we put all our focus on trying to survive the weekend and then Monday hits and we're empty.

I love that saying @AnotherDayAnotherDoleur

I need to put that somewhere to remind me every day.

I think my anger carried me through the weekend, and now it’s fading I just feel so sad.

Holding on to the hope that it will all be ok in the end? It can’t feel like this forever.

Yeah I think that's very true. Also I guess it's the start of another week of hoping and wishing knowing full well nothing is going to change.

@SophieSoSo it absolutely WILL get better. It has to.

Aww sorry to hear how everyone is struggling 💔 There's a lot of common ground here about getting out of toxic relationships and enforcing boundaries to secure the life we deserve. It's not easy because you still love the good parts and need to mourn the life you had together.

I found this video and podcast on managing heartbreak really helpful:

www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_how_to_fix_a_broken_heart?language=en

podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5hY2FzdC5jb20vcHVibGljL3Nob3dzLzcyOWY0NDhlLTg3MGItNTA3ZS05NjYyLTUzMmUzYjBhYTA3NQ/episode/NjIzN2ZiYTlkOGE1MGUwMDEyMGM5NzJi?ep=14

Stay strong women 💪 ❤

@AnotherDayAnotherDoleur omg, I’m reading your posts and they are like written by me.. it is so weird. I know that Mine was and is really overstressed. He can’t think about anything but work. But the sad thing is that we are colleagues and I see him almost everyday, some days we have a meetings and I can feel his eyes on me. Just the other day he came by my desk and asked if I have some chocolate.. uuggh. There are days when I can’t be normal and I cry a little in the bathroom, then I wipe my tears and tryyyy to act as normal as possible, but this pain is killing me. I am keeping away from colleagues, I am not that chatty and fun girl anymore:(

Also I want to apologize because I am not good in english..