DH wants to pretend it never happened

[rogoueblue]

He does this about once a year, the rest of the time he’s lovely. I think all of the stress of work (he works self employed, 60 hour weeks in a physical job) etc builds up and he will have these implosions, they are also alcohol induced. The worst was 10 years ago when he threw a work boot at me.

Me and DD18 were having a petty argument about something last night. It was nothing big, just about how I wish she’d stop ordering takeaways to the house at all hours. We were squabbling. DD strops off to her room taking the dog with her (he shakes and gets frightened when there are raised voices). That would have been the end of it and it would’ve been forgotten about by the morning.

DH was sat on the sofa quietly, before he suddenly threw himself off the sofa and went pounding up the stairs. I knew he was starting so I chased him up there. He was yelling at DD and DD was screaming. He was shouting “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHY DO YOU START THESE ARGUMENTS” at her. She was holding the dog who was shaking in fright. He then grabs the dog roughly I think to punish DD, me and DD both jump into action to get the dog off him and we both get pushed onto the bed. He then goes downstairs with the dog who is crying in fright.

Me and DD follow him downstairs and DD keeps trying to get the dog off him, but gets pushed. Meanwhile he’s screaming about how we ruin his life. We both genuinely thought he was going to kill the dog in front of us to teach us a lesson. Eventually DD gets dog off him and runs upstairs, locks herself in the bathroom. I start screaming at him asking what the hell he was going to do to our dog and I get pinned down on the stairs with his fist to my face screaming he was going to punch me.

He then lets me go and goes up to the bedroom. 10 minutes later the police arrived having been called by a passerby. Me and DD were both in shock and he was there with us talking to them so we just said it was a family verbal domestic and there was nothing to worry about. The police left.

He now hasn’t apologised but wants to move on and pretend it didn’t happen but both me and DD feel distraught.

...

Why did you tell the police it was verbal and nothing to worry about when clear it was getting physical and it is worrying you sufficiently to ask for opinions from strangers. He needs anger management- it’s irrelevant that it doesn’t happen often, an explosion like that could have tragic results. He can’t control himself and he should do something about that.

Get away from him, he is a dangerous man.

That's abuse. Please protect your kids and your poor dog.

Of course he wants to pretend it never happened. I don’t think I could get over that. He threatened to punch you in the face. The next time he could actually punch you. Isn’t this a dealbreaker for you??

If an argument is bad enough for neighbours to call the police, it’s too big to be forgotten.

Will it take him actually pinching you or killing the dog for you to leave?

Because it really is only a matter of time you know.

Punching.
Bloody autocorrect

He hasn't even apologised?!

You need to leave him for your own safety. Next time he might kill you.

Um, he might want to pretend it didn't happen, but it did. He cannot unring that bell. He terrified you and your daughter, and the dog. How long until the next outburst? He was not just verbally, but physically abusive. So loudly and terrifyingly so that a passer by called the police in concern of what he was doing to you.

So he wants you and your daughter to pretend that his terrifying abuse of you two and the dog didn't happen? He thinks that's an okay thing to ask of the two of you? Hasn't even had the gonads to own his behaviour and apologise for it?

Yeah, nah. He can go off and do one.

I have an older DD and son who have witnessed stuff like this as well, and it isn’t youngest DD’s first time. It is about once a year, and you never know what’s going to trigger it.

I was in shock when the police came round. I knew if I spoke up he’d be carted off in a police car.

Call the police on the non emergency number and tell them what actually happened. Then make plans to get away from him. He WILL follow through on his threats eventually.

Next time it won’t be a threat, he will punch you.

I’m telling you now as a warning, it will happen.

Speaking from experience here so please listen to me.

He cannot treat a dog like that.
He cannot treat DD like that.
He cannot treat you like that.
I wouldn’t be speaking to him unless he apologises and promises never to treat the dog like that again.
I’m glad someone called the Police, it must have been scary for passers by.

This is absolutely awful and so beyond the realm of normal. It’s the kind of traumatic stuff you hope your kids never witness let alone from their dad.

It’s the first time he’s brought one of the kids into it

Maybe he should have been carted off in a police car.

@pangolina

Call the police on the non emergency number and tell them what actually happened. Then make plans to get away from him. He WILL follow through on his threats eventually.

This. Please make plans to leave. I grew up in an abusive household and even as an adult, I worry every day about my mum’s safety. No child, of any age, should be concerned about their mum being killed by their dad without knowing what would set that off.

@rogoueblue

I have an older DD and son who have witnessed stuff like this as well, and it isn’t youngest DD’s first time. It is about once a year, and you never know what’s going to trigger it.

I was in shock when the police came round. I knew if I spoke up he’d be carted off in a police car.

And a jolly good thing if he was carted off in a police car. That's exactly what should have happened. This is not okay. Your children are both witnesses and victims of domestic violence. And your dog too.

So this is where you show your soon to be adult daughter what she can or can’t put up with in life, I’m afraid.

I think you need to go back to the police and say that you felt unable to say what really happened in front of your husband. That sounds utterly terrifying. Ha assaulted you, he assaulted your daughter, he abused the dog.

Next time - and there will be one - step the fuck up and have him taken away.
Before it's a coroner's van.. Or your ddog is killed...yabu to do nothing.

You are teaching your children it's ok to be treated like this. It needs addressing