DH wants to pretend it never happened

[rogoueblue]

He does this about once a year, the rest of the time he’s lovely. I think all of the stress of work (he works self employed, 60 hour weeks in a physical job) etc builds up and he will have these implosions, they are also alcohol induced. The worst was 10 years ago when he threw a work boot at me.

Me and DD18 were having a petty argument about something last night. It was nothing big, just about how I wish she’d stop ordering takeaways to the house at all hours. We were squabbling. DD strops off to her room taking the dog with her (he shakes and gets frightened when there are raised voices). That would have been the end of it and it would’ve been forgotten about by the morning.

DH was sat on the sofa quietly, before he suddenly threw himself off the sofa and went pounding up the stairs. I knew he was starting so I chased him up there. He was yelling at DD and DD was screaming. He was shouting “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHY DO YOU START THESE ARGUMENTS” at her. She was holding the dog who was shaking in fright. He then grabs the dog roughly I think to punish DD, me and DD both jump into action to get the dog off him and we both get pushed onto the bed. He then goes downstairs with the dog who is crying in fright.

Me and DD follow him downstairs and DD keeps trying to get the dog off him, but gets pushed. Meanwhile he’s screaming about how we ruin his life. We both genuinely thought he was going to kill the dog in front of us to teach us a lesson. Eventually DD gets dog off him and runs upstairs, locks herself in the bathroom. I start screaming at him asking what the hell he was going to do to our dog and I get pinned down on the stairs with his fist to my face screaming he was going to punch me.

He then lets me go and goes up to the bedroom. 10 minutes later the police arrived having been called by a passerby. Me and DD were both in shock and he was there with us talking to them so we just said it was a family verbal domestic and there was nothing to worry about. The police left.

He now hasn’t apologised but wants to move on and pretend it didn’t happen but both me and DD feel distraught.

Your poor dog & your poor DD. No-one should treat you or your DD like that & that is also animal abuse.
You do have a choice & as an adult you must take it

I thought this thread had been closed ? Did op check out behind the scenes then ?

Your whole family is frightened of him (including your beloved pet).

Why is he still around?!

Why are you letting this go undetected?

He's a madman. And if you put up with it much lo get, you won't be far behind.

FFS, raise the bar.

Oh, and if you're not going to get rid of him, please let your dog go to a loving home.

It does not deserve to live in fear through no voice of its own.

I hope your daughter is okay, too.

Choice*

Sending strength OP❤️

I stay next door to a man who blows slightly more often than your husband, the roaring shouting at his missus, ex missus and kids is beyond awful, after I heard the lad shouting no please daddy no, I felt sick. I have called the police… unfortunately they are YOU. No no everything is fine police go away half an hour max later.

I have spoken to the kids in the street the wee lad loving on my pup commented how their previous dog died “because people said it was a bad dog, but it just didn’t like him and his dad “play” fighting”. The wee lass piped up or when dad hit me! He tried to shush her with the he’s just playing comment. I was broken FOR them, that was it for me I vowed to myself I would call the police each time when he starts. Please please don’t be that family, where the wee lad knew better than to comment but little lass was too innocent to hide it all. Don’t be the home where it escalated too far and the police land up on scene duty. Please let the police know and get out and away. Sending love and strength, it’s not easy but it is needed xxx

Safe as in he is nowhere near any of you, or safe as in he probably wont kick off again for a while and no one has mentioned it?

Forgive me but I am somewhat sceptical about what your view of "safe" is........

Jesus, protect your daughter and your poor dog. Get out.

If your husband behaves like this about once a year, then by my reckoning you must have witnessed this vile behaviour 20 times or more. Why oh why have you put up with this shit for so long? No wonder your dog shakes when it hears raised voices! Poor thing. And your poor daughter too. Your H is a violent thug and you should have let him be carted off in a police car. He should have been kissing your feet for saving his skin, but instead the nasty cunt didn’t even apologise. Ugh. 😡

I wouldn't say necessarily get out but he needs to look at his life and make major changes- job, health, drinking. Also talk to him about his underlying feelings - you all ruin his life? Did he mean that?

Not as bad as that but I used to get red mist and scream at everyone- massively yelling at the top of my voice. About once a week, at my worst. It wasn't alcohol but I was stressed out and depressed and doing way too much. I made big career changes as work was mostly the source of it, aslo took up yoga and watched my diet. It took me about two years to get completely right. I shouted once like that during lockdown, but other than that I haven't done it or felt that bad for probably seven years or more.

@Rosehugger

I wouldn't say necessarily get out but he needs to look at his life and make major changes- job, health, drinking. Also talk to him about his underlying feelings - you all ruin his life? Did he mean that?

Not as bad as that but I used to get red mist and scream at everyone- massively yelling at the top of my voice. About once a week, at my worst. It wasn't alcohol but I was stressed out and depressed and doing way too much. I made big career changes as work was mostly the source of it, aslo took up yoga and watched my diet. It took me about two years to get completely right. I shouted once like that during lockdown, but other than that I haven't done it or felt that bad for probably seven years or more.

You wouldn't necessarily end the relationship if you had experienced the following like OP has?! Your boundaries are incredibly unhealthy and dangerous if that's the case, especially if you have children or pets.

He was yelling at DD and DD was screaming. He was shouting “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHY DO YOU START THESE ARGUMENTS” at her. She was holding the dog who was shaking in fright. He then grabs the dog roughly I think to punish DD, me and DD both jump into action to get the dog off him and we both get pushed onto the bed. He then goes downstairs with the dog who is crying in fright.

Me and DD follow him downstairs and DD keeps trying to get the dog off him, but gets pushed. Meanwhile he’s screaming about how we ruin his life. We both genuinely thought he was going to kill the dog in front of us to teach us a lesson. Eventually DD gets dog off him and runs upstairs, locks herself in the bathroom. I start screaming at him asking what the hell he was going to do to our dog and I get pinned down on the stairs with his fist to my face screaming he was going to punch me.