Wife going to see Dreamboys

[Anothersatellite]

I know, I know, the boys are at the mild end of things. So when my wife told me she had accepted an invitation to go to a major city theatre to see them in all their business, I was blindsided, and I didn't know why. A few days later and I still didn't. Was it insecurity? Don't think so but open to that idea. Jealous. Ditto. It's the strangest brew of feelings that I can't nail down. One day it's I couldn't give a damn. The next day, over my dead body. She's not that keen herself, more looking forward to dinner/shopping/cocktails with friends before the Henboys bearpit of severalhundredwomenbehavingbaďly. This is way short of a dealbreaker. I have never felt the need to hand out my permission for anything, but then again she goes to see Motown tributes/dinner/shopping with friends, so this has no precedent in our 11 years together.
What I'd like, is advice on what to say to her when she gets picked up by car from our home on the day. I don't want to say anything remotely snarky, or make her feel like she's going to be dragging a ball and chain around. I'm not going to be at home slamming doors and being an arse. I love her and I've never wanted to issue ultimatums. I am not that man.

Business = buffness

Why not go with her?

What I'd like, is advice on what to say to her when she gets picked up by car from our home on the day.

How about “have a nice time dear”?

"Have a good time!" would seem to cover it. Just as presumably you would if she was going out with her friends normally?

I get it - it's not something that appeals to me and I would feel odd if my husband cheerily announced he was off to a burlesque show. But if you say anything beforehand, you will come across as the ball and chain you are keen to avoid.

Each to their own, but I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than going to something like that. Total cringefest.

I think its OK for you to tell her how you feel. If my DH told me that he was going to see strippers I wouldn't be happy and would tell him so.

I'd go with"have a nice Time. Let me know when you're on your way home" or similar.

I went to see Magic Mike a few years ago. My then DP walked me to the train station so we could have breakfast before I left, made sure I had enough money for the day and asked me to send him videos if we were allowed to make them.

I once went to one of these things out of politeness to a freind (fundraiser for a charity that was very important to her). I can't bear this type of thing and found it uncomfortable but in all honesty it was pretty tame.

No different to a man going to a strip club

Just thought, I don't like stripping as entertainment and I've never been in a lap dancing club or ever will. Humans as merhandise, to be paid for and given marks out of ten. I wouldn't be the common guy on MN, standing quietly at the back. Nothing would get me in such a place.

"Have a nice time dear" as she leaves.

When she comes home ask her how it was. DSis went and phoned me when she got home. She desperately needed someone not snigger with and didn't want to annoy her lovely mate and colleagues who thought it was brilliant.

Just pack away your manly pride, shelve the ego. She will either enjoy it or she won't. Nothing you can do to say will change that.

These things are a cringefest and not really ‘erotic’ at all. I accidentally went to one (I thought it was a play 😂) I didn’t find it sexy at all. I think it’s more of a bonding exercise with female friends. I’m anti porn etc but I still see it as very harmless. I don’t think you should set an ultimatum down in front of your wife. It won’t end well. You might be better just telling her that it makes you feel anxious and insecure.

You could say "have a nice time dear, I'm off for a night at the local strip club" 😁

@drpet49

No different to a man going to a strip club

There is no equivalence. And for sure, I won't be going to a lap dancing club as a tit for tat revenge. No pun intended.

I went to a male strip club on a hen do and was bored shitless. Some of my friends loved it, others not so much.

@Anothersatellite

Just thought, I don't like stripping as entertainment and I've never been in a lap dancing club or ever will. Humans as merhandise, to be paid for and given marks out of ten. I wouldn't be the common guy on MN, standing quietly at the back. Nothing would get me in such a place.

Doesn't really matter. Your wife has decided that she wants to go.

She may never want to get again. But that is her choice, not your demand.

And I'll say the same to you as if say to any woman asking about their DH going to see strippers. She can do what she chooses to do. Your response should be your own. If this changes your relationship then so be it. You will have to deal with it. But you can't stop her from going.

At most you could say, way before she goes, that it isn't the kind of event you find appropriate, for men or for women. Your preference, your thoughts. But do it without any judgement or huffiness.

I wouldn't compare it to a strip show, men and women have different power situations, I don't think any of the Dreamboys likely feel "at risk" in the way a female stripper might.
I would also liken it to more of a burlesque style show.

Men stripping for women makes me feel uncomfortable as I don't agree with female strippers even though I'm aware its different but it really isn't the same.

(I thought it was a play 😂) I didn’t find it sexy at all.

That's exactly what DSis said. She too thought it was a play. If your name begins with A and I call you one beginning with S - we shall never speak of this in real life. And damn you, this was my best username ever!

@KittenKong

Why not go with her?

I don't think that will happen. 1000 women and me. A little bit fly on the wall, maybe. Maybe not.

I'd rather cut my head off than see the Dreamboys.

Your reply is a bit Miss Trunchbull. I'm not stopping her. Not 1%. This doesn't threaten me like for example like I discovered she collects neighbourhood cats in a sack and sells them to a vivisection lab.

I'd rather disembowel myself with a teaspoon than see the dreamboys. Not my idea of fun.

Having said that, I don't think it's equivalent to men going to a stripclub or hiring lapdancers. (It seems to me that in both those situations it's women who are being degraded by men.)

I think just wish her a good time and when she gets back ask her how it was. She will either have found it uncomfortable and cringe, or had a ridiculous laugh with her mates. Highly unlikely that it would have turned her on.

I don't understand what most women even get out of it. Totally not my cup of tea at all, oily, hairdresser, chiseled men, give me a normal man ahead of that any day.

Your wife is probably the same. Men are far more visual than women in most cases. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Who me?

Then why are you here asking?

And why using "Miss Trunchbull" as some kind of admonishment?