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Original poster

Wife going to see Dreamboys

193 replies

Anothersatellite · 16/04/2022 15:53

I know, I know, the boys are at the mild end of things. So when my wife told me she had accepted an invitation to go to a major city theatre to see them in all their business, I was blindsided, and I didn't know why. A few days later and I still didn't. Was it insecurity? Don't think so but open to that idea. Jealous. Ditto. It's the strangest brew of feelings that I can't nail down. One day it's I couldn't give a damn. The next day, over my dead body. She's not that keen herself, more looking forward to dinner/shopping/cocktails with friends before the Henboys bearpit of severalhundredwomenbehavingbaďly. This is way short of a dealbreaker. I have never felt the need to hand out my permission for anything, but then again she goes to see Motown tributes/dinner/shopping with friends, so this has no precedent in our 11 years together.
What I'd like, is advice on what to say to her when she gets picked up by car from our home on the day. I don't want to say anything remotely snarky, or make her feel like she's going to be dragging a ball and chain around. I'm not going to be at home slamming doors and being an arse. I love her and I've never wanted to issue ultimatums. I am not that man.

OP posts:
ThisIsntDanicaBritannica · 16/04/2022 18:21

Do you watch porn, OP?

iklboo · 16/04/2022 18:24

Urgh. A load of oiled up, over-muscled himbos waving their turkey giblets around to shit music while a load of pissed up hen parties screech like cats with their tails in a mangle? I'd sooner peek my feet & go for a paddle in the Dead Sea.

Each to their own though, I suppose.

MardyOldGoth · 16/04/2022 18:27

I think you should tell her how you feel about it. You're not telling her that she can't go, but explaining that you feel uncomfortable about it. If my OH wanted to go to something like this I'd definitely explain that it made me uncomfortable, even if I trusted him 100% and knew he saw it as a bit of fun. Be honest with her.

greasyshoes · 16/04/2022 18:29

Well the male strippers are the ones making decent money whereas the female ones make fuck all, and are often coerced into it while the club managers make bucketloads.

Do you have any evidence that male strippers make more money than female strippers?

greasyshoes · 16/04/2022 18:31

The two are in NO WAY comparable. Like actually no way. The power dynamic, the actual experience, the personal intimacy, nothing.

"They're not comparable because they're not comparable, you see?"

Ponderingwindow · 16/04/2022 18:37

I’ve never been to this show or one like it, but from what I know of them, they are not really the equivalent of a female strip club experience. It seems closer to a Vegas burlesque show meant for mixed sex audiences so my response is based on that view.

These things always come down to personal rules in your marriage/partnership. One couple is ok with strip clubs and another bans porn. Another couple might ban sex toys, but allow sexual contact with other people. You just never know and it’s not up for us to decide or judge. This is entirely a mutual decision between two partners.

If my husband were going to a strip club with a group of friends, I wouldn’t be thrilled because of my opinions on exploitation of the sex industry. Yet he gets out so seldom with friends and this would be such an rare thing, that I would instead reiterate our personal rules about no physical contact and send him on his way. If he wanted to go to a Vegas-style burlesque show, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 16/04/2022 18:44

Burlesque, and drag shows including the dream boys are in theatres with a seated audience, where everyone watches the show together. They are stage shows that include nudity. There is no personal or private experience between the performers and the audience members

Strip clubs have a main bar area where the dancers and customers mingle in the same way they would in a normal bar. The dancers then take the customers off to private rooms, where they spend one on one time with the customer. This can be for hours at a time, involves full nudity, often contact and even the one to one conversation is deeply intimate and personal.

As I and many others have said they are not the same thing.

Moser85 · 16/04/2022 18:46

@NeverChange

I don't understand what most women even get out of it. Totally not my cup of tea at all, oily, hairdresser, chiseled men, give me a normal man ahead of that any day.

Your wife is probably the same. Men are far more visual than women in most cases. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

For women these shows are mostly just about having a laugh! For men they're getting a sexual thrill.

When some women don't want their partner to go to a strip club they ask them how they'd feel if they went to a male stripper show and they often say they wouldn't care! because they know it's often so so different.

The equivalent in my eyes is that the woman would get to go out and flirt with and grind on a man, not that she goes to see male strippers!

toomuchlaundry · 16/04/2022 18:50

Some of these shows allow women on the stage, and the men can interact physically with the audience. Is that different to a strip club?

Lollyfalalalalalalalalaaahhhhh · 16/04/2022 18:54

A long long time I worked at a male strip club Halo honestly women go for the laughs rather than to be lecherous. Most of them spend 90 percent of the time screaming with their hands over their eyes and laughing their heads off.

I have to say though it would be a deal breaker for Mr Lollyneenah so I wouldn't go if it made him feel uncomfortable

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 16/04/2022 18:55

Vastly different. The stuff done on stage is a joke. It's about humiliating the audience member/ entertaining the rest of the audience, they do it in strip clubs too.

The dancing that goes on in the private rooms is totally different. The aim is to turn on the customer. Its entertainment Vs titillation.

Pumperthepumper · 16/04/2022 19:33

@toomuchlaundry

Some of these shows allow women on the stage, and the men can interact physically with the audience. Is that different to a strip club?
Yes. It’s a different balance of power, it’s different boundaries.
Inklingpot · 16/04/2022 19:36

Could it be that a man is using MN to demonstrate that women throw a fit about men going to strip clubs while claiming it’s a-ok for women to see male strippers to try and illustrate hypocrisy?

Pumperthepumper · 16/04/2022 19:37

Probably, but it’s not going very well.

Furrbabymama87 · 16/04/2022 19:53

I can see why you're feeling this way about it. I wouldn't be happy if my husband went to a strip club. However, I think there is a difference between men and women doing this. I think it's less sexual for women and more of a laugh rather than getting turned on sexually. Sure, some women will get that out of it but I don't think it's the sole basis like it is for men. I know my husband wouldn't like me going to this and out of respect for his feelings, I wouldn't. But thankfully, the thought of seeing a male strip show does nothing for me. I prefer to see a naked man I can actually get my hands on, and all the men in it look a bit unnatural and over the top.

greenlynx · 16/04/2022 19:55

I wonder why she’s going, maybe she’s just going with friends but it’s far from her first choice of entertainment, maybe it’s a free ticket and she’s curious. I think you are a bit too serious about this, OP. I watched Nigel Farage on TV some time ago - it didn’t make me a supporter.

Mamabananananana · 16/04/2022 19:57

Ummm... youve never watched or looked at porn in your entire relationship? Hmm

No woman get turned on by this- its just shreiky nonsense.

Itsbackagain · 16/04/2022 19:58

As I wouldn't want my DP going to see female I genuinely wouldn't go to see males. No double standards in our house.

greasyshoes · 16/04/2022 20:04

Could it be that a man is using MN to demonstrate that women throw a fit about men going to strip clubs while claiming it’s a-ok for women to see male strippers to try and illustrate hypocrisy?

Are you familiar with Poe's law?

greasyshoes · 16/04/2022 20:05

@CuntAmongstThePigeons

Vastly different. The stuff done on stage is a joke. It's about humiliating the audience member/ entertaining the rest of the audience, they do it in strip clubs too. The dancing that goes on in the private rooms is totally different. The aim is to turn on the customer. Its entertainment Vs titillation.

Isn't the former a lot worse than the latter? If I was dancing naked in front of someone and they thought it was funny, I would be upset. Whereas if they were aroused, well, that would make me feel better about myself.

Pumperthepumper · 16/04/2022 20:09

Men are not being sad trafficked to be a Dreamboy though.

Pumperthepumper · 16/04/2022 20:09

*sex trafficked

Hawkins001 · 16/04/2022 20:09

Each to their own, I guess one perspective that could be advocated is that it's down to trust and faith in the relationship.

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 16/04/2022 20:23

No they're laughing at the audience member who is up on stage not the dancer.

In many burlesque shows the body is used comically. It's a form of physical comedy.

I also doubt a dancer working in a strip club would be bothered by being laughed at tbh.

Littlebylittlelittle · 17/04/2022 07:18

@Anothersatellite

I know, I know, the boys are at the mild end of things. So when my wife told me she had accepted an invitation to go to a major city theatre to see them in all their business, I was blindsided, and I didn't know why. A few days later and I still didn't. Was it insecurity? Don't think so but open to that idea. Jealous. Ditto. It's the strangest brew of feelings that I can't nail down. One day it's I couldn't give a damn. The next day, over my dead body. She's not that keen herself, more looking forward to dinner/shopping/cocktails with friends before the Henboys bearpit of severalhundredwomenbehavingbaďly. This is way short of a dealbreaker. I have never felt the need to hand out my permission for anything, but then again she goes to see Motown tributes/dinner/shopping with friends, so this has no precedent in our 11 years together. What I'd like, is advice on what to say to her when she gets picked up by car from our home on the day. I don't want to say anything remotely snarky, or make her feel like she's going to be dragging a ball and chain around. I'm not going to be at home slamming doors and being an arse. I love her and I've never wanted to issue ultimatums. I am not that man.
I assume you don’t use porn , Instagram women or the like then ? As that would be hugely hypocritical