Wife going to see Dreamboys

[Anothersatellite]

I know, I know, the boys are at the mild end of things. So when my wife told me she had accepted an invitation to go to a major city theatre to see them in all their business, I was blindsided, and I didn't know why. A few days later and I still didn't. Was it insecurity? Don't think so but open to that idea. Jealous. Ditto. It's the strangest brew of feelings that I can't nail down. One day it's I couldn't give a damn. The next day, over my dead body. She's not that keen herself, more looking forward to dinner/shopping/cocktails with friends before the Henboys bearpit of severalhundredwomenbehavingbaďly. This is way short of a dealbreaker. I have never felt the need to hand out my permission for anything, but then again she goes to see Motown tributes/dinner/shopping with friends, so this has no precedent in our 11 years together.
What I'd like, is advice on what to say to her when she gets picked up by car from our home on the day. I don't want to say anything remotely snarky, or make her feel like she's going to be dragging a ball and chain around. I'm not going to be at home slamming doors and being an arse. I love her and I've never wanted to issue ultimatums. I am not that man.

Do you need to be there when she gets picked up?

I go to these kind of events with my Mum all the time. Its a girly thing, lots of laughing, dancing and taking the mick. I also go see burlesque shows! Just tell her to have a nice time and forget about it.

Yes it's very disconcerting. Like when Mr Darcy exited the lake.

😂

I think tell her how you feel. Literally what you have said here: that mostly you aren’t bothered but sometimes it makes you feel really uncomfortable and you thought she should know that. She may not want to go if she knows its stressing you out.

It isn’t something I’d go to and I wouldn’t want DH to go to an equivalent either.

Talk about double standards

Men going to a lap club having a lapdance = LTB

Women doing to same = get over it

Bollocks, it just as bad 👎

Tell her you have booked a night out at the local strip club see what she says

Why do you need to say anything? Either you’re ok with it or you’re not. If you’re not, it’s fine to say so.

I'm not a fan of stripping, male or female, but the men in either situation hold the power. That's the difference!

Does seem double standards on here

@MrMrsJones

Talk about double standards

Men going to a lap club having a lapdance = LTB

Women doing to same = get over it

Bollocks, it just as bad 👎

Tell her you have booked a night out at the local strip club see what she says

Given the power imbalances between men and women the two are not remotely the same

So, when your husbands/partners go strip clubs on stag weekends eg, do you say ‘have a nice time, do you have enough money, let me know when you need picked up’ because on here when a man goes to a strip joint it’s classed as cheating/the girls could be trafficked and he’s buying into that/you couldn’t be married to someone who treated women like a piece of meat and on and on….the double standards on this site are outrageous!

@whitewashing

So, when your husbands/partners go strip clubs on stag weekends eg, do you say ‘have a nice time, do you have enough money, let me know when you need picked up’ because on here when a man goes to a strip joint it’s classed as cheating/the girls could be trafficked and he’s buying into that/you couldn’t be married to someone who treated women like a piece of meat and on and on….the double standards on this site are outrageous!

Guessing the nuances of power inequity are a little beyond you then...

It's not just the power imbalance why I wouldn't like DH going to a strip club

@MrMrsJones

Talk about double standards

Men going to a lap club having a lapdance = LTB

Women doing to same = get over it

Bollocks, it just as bad 👎

Tell her you have booked a night out at the local strip club see what she says

This! The double standards here are jaw dropping! As if a woman whose husband was off to a strip club would be told just to wish him a nice evening..!

titchy. No….

Dreamboys, unappealing as the idea is to me, is a show in a theatre not a bloody strip club! It’s the equivalent of burlesque not lap dancing. I’m not a fan of any of it but there is a difference.

They're different things, though. Women who work in strip clubs are "sex workers" and very vulnerable. The dreamboys are entertainers and in control of what happens. The whole set up and dynamic is completely different.

I mean, I agree, if you're not comfortable OP then it's fine to say so. You can't tell your wife not to go, but you can tell her that you don't like it. Then it's up to her what she does with that information.

All the talk of where the power lies is somewhat irrelevant (I do agree it's not the same as lap dancing in that respect). It's still going to ogle the opposite sex take their clothes off. I imagine lots of women would not be happy with their partner going to see a similar show.

@drpet49

No different to a man going to a strip club

What response would a man get on here if he announced he was going to a strip club?

They're different things, though. Women who work in strip clubs are "sex workers" and very vulnerable. The dreamboys are entertainers and in control of what happens. The whole set up and dynamic is completely different.

But the argument goes that when there's money involved, there can't be true consent because the money is a motivating factor. So how can we say the dreamboys are still in control of what happens, but women somehow aren't?

Why not surprise her by becoming a Dreamboy or collecting a bag of cats yourself @Anothersatellite?

I guess the difference is that the dreamboys is a theatre show, so they are being paid as performers, rather than being paid for sex acts. I mean, a theatre is not the same as a strip club, the whole dynamic is totally different. I don't know if you know anyone who has worked in a strip club but it is extremely grim.

There's more equivalence between the dreamboys and a burlesque show. I would say that's a similar thing in terms of the dynamic. Neither is my kind of thing, but they don't bother me the way my partner going to a strip club would massively bother me. I just don't think it's the same.

@greasyshoes

They're different things, though. Women who work in strip clubs are "sex workers" and very vulnerable. The dreamboys are entertainers and in control of what happens. The whole set up and dynamic is completely different.

But the argument goes that when there's money involved, there can't be true consent because the money is a motivating factor. So how can we say the dreamboys are still in control of what happens, but women somehow aren't?

Well the male strippers are the ones making decent money whereas the female ones make fuck all, and are often coerced into it while the club managers make bucketloads.

The two are in NO WAY comparable. Like actually no way. The power dynamic, the actual experience, the personal intimacy, nothing.

Dreamboys is like going to a theatre show. As previous posters said, like a burlesque show. A strip club is akin to a massage parlour that happens to be run from a main bar.

Totally different.