Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Checking in. The advice is so helpful on here -very grateful.

It’s VERY helpful
It can be hard to read (that’s not a criticism , just that I’ve been a bit blind )
Thanks everyone

How you feeling @Thisisworsethananticpated 💗💗 tomorrow is a new day and you’ll feel better x

@ibelieveinmirrorballs its only because you said something about how he’s pushing your boundaries already and making you feel a bit anxious… sorry if I got that wrong. 💗

@Thisisworsethananticpated

It’s VERY helpful It can be hard to read (that’s not a criticism , just that I’ve been a bit blind ) Thanks everyone

Until these threads I had not heard the word ‘boundaries’ I have made mistakes that I will NOT be repeating 😀😀 as will actually think about what my boundaries are. (Currently on a ‘break’ in my relationship which I think will be temporary, but will not resume if we can establish those boundaries.)

I mean will
Not resume unless we can establish those boundaries.

No don't worry about that.. I probably did phrase it like that - I suppose I don't blame him for asking me to stay over (we have already 'crossed that bridge' so to speak) as I do think he thinks he's being helpful as I'm working in London that day and the following day and would ordinarily book a hotel or stay with friends. I'm going to book a hotel I think, if we do meet. And my anxiety - well, that's a law unto itself but I do think it's a bit of a sign that I need to pull back and reassess things. I'm feeling good today and completely non-stressy - long may it last. Just had lovely day kicking about on the beach with my DC... loving the weather!

ButterflyOfShay
I’m ok bless your heart ❤️

The good thing in persisting with a concerning ‘pink flags’ relationship for a bit too long….. is that the lows get easier

Jesus !!!!

Thats so nice @ibelieveinmirrorballs and hope your new builder turned up!!

@ButterflyOfShay they did - 4 of them at 8.55am! Long may it last!

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@FloydPepper I know it’s hashtag NotAllMen etc (hence my phrasing “often”) - but I know so many women who are or were expected to work f/t plus pick up all the “wifework”, then post separation managed caring for kids and turned their lives around.. while their exes stayed bitter. As women in a patriarchal society we are conditioned to tolerate, accommodate, stretch and bend ourselves… as you can see from the multitude of posts on MN. As I said, obviously it’s not all men, but that doesn’t mean there are no patterns of behaviour.[/quote]
I think this is quite true actually (hard thing to admit as man),
I think women seem to develop better coping strategies and stronger friendship circles than most men, and I see some who are quite bitter about being divorced, but saying that I know 2 guys who have kicked their wives out and are much happier now.

And I don’t think all women are amazing either ( sorry, but I have met my share of crappy women ).

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

That’s fair enough . I don’t hate men
I’m raising some!
It’s just upset today

Anyway guess who texted me , you might recall my 22 year old! We discussed a few threads back
I might just
Sod it

@Thisisworsethananticpated

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

That’s fair enough . I don’t hate men
I’m raising some!
It’s just upset today

Anyway guess who texted me , you might recall my 22 year old! We discussed a few threads back
I might just
Sod it

Did you two ever meet?!

ibelieveinmirrorballs
No we didn’t
But I might

But I’ll sleep on it

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I do agree about many women being able to juggle it all and actually I unfortunately picked a few men who couldn't. It does frustrate me that I'm bringing up two small children alone and holding down a busy job (still working now) and make time to keep a relationship yet the partners I pick seem to struggle anyway regardless without that.

@ButterflyOfShay yes, we did meditation! It was amazing! If only I had another week or two there, it would have been perfect🤔

How often are you meditating? I'm interested to see how much I keep up with it in my normal life!

@Eesha hope you managed to get some yoga in! It makes such a difference!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs i totally agree with you! I think that on average, men are lower quality.

This meetup sounds somewhat anxiety inducing. If you aren't keen, it seems like a good idea to make some space to consider this!

Hope all goes well with the new builders!

@Thisisworsethananticpated just to add my voice to others who have expressed concern about the Balkan

Hi thread, new poster here. Hope I can join in.

Been separated from my exh for 2.5 years now. Been on and off dating apps, more off than on.

I met a really lovely guy a few weeks back and everything seemed to be going so well, then he decided he was needing to take a step back as he was stressed with work and kids...anyway fair enough. I do really miss him though as we did have a great time together.

I jumped back on the horse and met another guy, wow he turned out to be a bit dramatic 🙄

I am really beginning to loose hope...so I'm just going to vent here for a bit 😬 and hopefully get some good advise 😊

@Eesha how the hell do you do it… I struggle just with the job and commuting and feeling like I give every last drop of myself, how you manage to raise children too and still have a life on top, I am genuinely in awe of you 🌟🌟

@YommyMommy Welcome👋
Loosing hope is a specialism on this thread so you're in the right place😂.....feel free to rant whenever you need to.

@gelatodipistacchio it is, isn’t it? Discovering meditating this year has actually changed my life. I often do half an hour as soon as I wake up then I try and get at least an hour in as soon as I finish work. It has really repaired a lot of the damage to my psyche (well it’s helping greatly anyway) It will always be a part of my life now.
I did a straight swap in 2022 - booze for meditation!
The downside is I’ve become a bit judgy of drinkers and when I see people sat in pubs all day.. I don't want to meet a guy who’s a drinker anymore.

@ButterflyOfShay that's a really good switch! I'm planning hopefully to start most days with yoga moving forward.

Re Mr S, he is sending regular texts from his trip even though it's active. He's probably finding himself in the same position I was in on hols, as I have been too busy to respond promptly.

I'm pretty stressed about starting my job on Tuesday, and I have a lot of stuff to do to organise my house. I'm considering skipping a party that I have been invited to and seeing if Mr S will help me with a task that involves moving some boxes around, as a way to see each other sooner while also alleviating some stress

gelatodipistacchio
It’s done
I havnt been messaging him anymore
And he hasn’t been messaging me after my not so warm reply yesterday

To be fair I wanted a fling and to have him over when kids were away , and I got that

gelatodipistacchio

Ah get him over for box moving !