Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Thisisworsethananticpated he's still doing this active holiday and we have just been texting a little. We both return home Thursday pm (though he will then be at his parents'until Tuesday).

@YommyMommy

My plan is to casually text at some point on Friday mentioning the box situation to see if he's keen to help.

Realistically, we will fool around at best, as I am not sure that I need the confusion of a new sexual relationship at the same time as I am about to start this new job. I'm really scared of having sex again, first time with a new person in about 10 years.

@YommyMommy it sounds to me like you might have a fuckboy on your hands.

*he will be at his parents' until Sunday or Monday. I've got Tuesday on the brain as it's my start date!

What terrible posting! I think that I need to wake up before I do anything else. The first note for YommyMommy obviously was misplaced!

@YommyMommy Has Mr Kiwi been watching too much porn?
Surely he knows that women are all different and some make noise during sex and some don't.
It feels like he's told you that you MUST make noise during sex and he only wants you for the sex.

Being non committal about what he wants is not a good sign.

There are plenty of men out there who will like you for who you are (quiet sex included). Move on.

@gelatodipistacchio 😂😂 go girl.. hehe!! Must be so amazing meeting someone you really like! You must be buzzing!
@HowlongWillThisTakeNow how’s it going with Ms.H?

@ButterflyOfShay it was amazing, but it's now getting a bit weird! Two weeks since we have seen each other. I need to put a stop to this pen pal situation asap😅

I will say that I can see a big change in myself from the last time I was dating. I used to be so insecure and worried, but now my prevailing feeling is idgaf (other than sex anxiety) and I just want an arrangement that works well for me.

@Badbadgod no I wasn't really looking for casual.

@gelatodipistacchio I hope he is keen to help moving boxes 😄 and you are correct, thinking he maybe a fuck boy 😐

@SortingItOut I completely agree with everything you are saying...time broaden my options again 😁

@ButterflyOfShay
Going okay thanks, been quite quiet this week with comms, , I have a new work project which is full on stressful for me.
Im staying over hers Sat night/ Sun morning, hopefully she will ride me harder than the Grand National winner, (let’s just hope I can perform as well as the winner ) but it will be nice to have some quality time together & and I must collect my winnings as well. 😊

Can I join? Long time lurker. Been single since August after a long term relationship that ended amicably. 29 F no dc currently but would love a family. I’ve stepped back into the world of online dating and it’s brutal. Was seeing someone from October to January who turned out to be emotionally unavailable and could have possibly been a narcissist. Been dating since then and faced some rejection after a couple of dates. Recently I’ve been talking to a guy I went on a date with 5 years ago (prior to my last relationship) and we went on another date at the weekend, things seemed to be really promising and good flow/banter and with messages etc. Since the date though something has felt “off”, messages not as frequent and not flowing like they were. He says he wants a second date (not organised yet) and I sent him a message yesterday asking if everything is ok because something feels off and he replied saying of course it is. But I just can’t shake the feeling something isn’t right, I don’t know if I should just take his word that all is ok and give the benefit of the doubt or end it and take back the control? He did say he has had a lot on but it doesn’t seem to be much more than what he had on before from what he says. Any advice on how to approach this one?

@Brightstar29, I think hitting the right level of contact early on is really difficult. I know it can be an anxious wait when you are hoping for a message to come but I think you need to give him the opportunity to respond or make contact unprompted. Even with a little history with him behind you I would ease off asking if everything is okay etc. It’s still very much early days. I’m a firm believer that if someone is interested they will show it. Is there a reason why you feel the need to ‘end it’ ? As it reads it’s barely had chance to properly begin so I’d be seeing what happens in the next few days.

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@ButterflyOfShay after he sorts the boxes for the loft, I may have just one more box that needs some handling 🤔[/quote]
Saucy!!!

I just saw that on Linked in an old boyfriend from many years ago checked out my profile 😀 it was a shock seeing his pic because of course in my head he is 23 😀😀😀😀
Men seem to age much less well -my pic is pretty much how look (maybe 2years old) and I look 20 years younger than him..
A little boost that he thought of me because I haven’t put anything on there recently do I wouldn’t have popped up in notifications.
I wouldn’t mind catching up as long as he is not still married

@YommyMommy I too think that you need to move on from Mr Kiwi. He doesn't sound like he knows very much about women at all.

@Brightstar29 I agree with @Stepcount that you need to ease off a bit with your iron. In your position, I would wait to see weather he responds unprompted to your messages.

Brightstar29

When this happens to me I delete their contact and all ability to contact them

Means I’m not stalking them via WhatsApp either

If he replies you can maybe give benefit of the doubt and make a date to assess

And if he doesn’t you can’t text and you have your answer

The stakes are way tougher at your age so I think a degree of brutality and boundary management is critical
You don’t want to be losing time and emotion

I’ve completed with Balkan
I’ve said I feel sad , and I’m sorry I stopped messaging but my head isn’t in the right place
He (typically !) said if you feel sad imagine how bad I feel
Ha , always his problems more than mine !

I feel ducking sad and tearful
Proper ❤️‍🩹
But does the fact I’ve been drinking wine for the past 4 days help

NO

I’m now really missing my kids
I’ll collect them this weekend and thinking abiut hinge but maybe I’ll observe a shirt grieving period
And get my head calmed

Unfortunately the main form of contact is Fb messenger therefore not as straight forward as being able to delete etc without it being noticed. Part of me is wondering if it’s just my anxious attachment style (something I am working on) but it’s the change in the style of communication which is giving me the gut feeling. I’m wondering if I just sent a message saying that something still feels off so I’m stepping back, rather than ending it completely as I’ll then feel like I’m taking a bit more control? Prior to date he would also say things like “when we have had this many dates we will do this…” etc which I’m aware may be future faking and I did tell him to hold his horses in a half jokey way. I think that might be why I’ve got unintentionally invested when normally I wouldn’t have so early due to us having a bit of history and us both saying we want the same things etc. I’m still learning to become more aware of this stuff.

Brightstar29

Oh no , lessons learned
Not to use Facebook messenger for the next one !
WhatsApp is also a curse to be fair but you can disappear easier !

@Brightstar29, I guess the question is what effect do you want your ' I'm stepping back' message to have ? I've been around these threads a good while and have read hundreds of posts from people who were feeling as you are. If it's important to you to be in control then you will no doubt send the message. I suppose the real question is why isn't he messaging as much or with such enthusiasm ? If he's busy but still interested he might perceive your messages about things feeling off as a bit heavy. But equally as we often say it takes 30 seconds to send a check in message or to give you the heads up about his availability. Does he have DC ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

WeWantTheFinestWines

Was he the one you shagged but didn’t fancy afterwards ? But nice

Yes! I like but don't fancy - but there's nothing wrong with him, he's not ugly or anything, just a bit scruffy and overweight but that's not really a problem. My friend thought he was hot. Maybe it could happen in time. But he's obviously going to move on, as he should.

brightstar never ignore your gut. It's usually always right. I would step back and flush him out - maybe with a message along the lines of "You're obviously really busy at the moment, I'll let you get on with it, let me know when you come up for air" and then not contact him again. If he gets in touch, you can then consider how you feel about his response and whether it is worthy of resuming contact.

WeWantTheFinestWines

It’s a crying shame
When you don’t fancy them
God I wish I was an animal sometimes
They don’t have this shit we have
They just go on heat , shag and get back to having fun 🤩

yommy you just don't sound compatible really. I do know that feeling of not knowing whether they're stil awake - in my case with a public school boy used to dorm sleeping/wanking so he'd got used to being quiet. But it wasn't an issue for me and it shouldn't be for your bloke. He's making it all about him and therefore headed for a red flag.

@Thisisworsethananticpated sorry you're feeling a bit of heartache at the moment. It always feel so raw, especially when you had some hope of things working out.

The wine will only be exaggerating your feelings, I know as an avid wine drinker too 😁

Spend the weekend with your babies and re evaluate the dating apps after that 🥰

thisisworse sorry it's come to an end with Balkan. He didn't sound like great companion material though, as you said, it was all about him. Take a break and regroup before you go back out there and enjoy the DC.