Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I think on some level instincts are always spot on
You are berating yourself a bit over ginger but I think you’ve spotted early some subconscious boundary breaking potential ?

Feel like shit now
Need to kick Mondays butt

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I think on some level instincts are always spot on
You are berating yourself a bit over ginger but I think you’ve spotted early some subconscious boundary breaking potential ?

Feel like shit now
Need to kick Mondays butt

Do you have much to do today? Get through today and know tomorrow will be better.

Yes instincts are always spot on. He is another one who is consistent and does exactly what he says he's going to do - I therefore wrestle between thoughts of 'is this anxiety me being an untrusting self-sabotager?' and 'is this anxiety rather me knowing that this is never going to work so why are you pursuing it?'. Being realistic we are chalk and cheese. He is however very entertaining and interesting. Anxiety levels were rising a bit but our chat last night feels like it rebalanced my thoughts about it making it more 'what do I think about HIM?' rather than the anxious 'oh god does he like me does he DOES HE?' I can tend to have. That's what I want to steer clear of - who cares whether he likes me, he's met me once..

I have a week off this week with my children, absolutely can't wait... also new builders instructed (old builder sacked) - sitting here planning fun stuff for us to do this week and loving the spring sunshine outside.

I think women in general are amazing at coping with whatever life throws at them - men often not so much

Agree , this is the root of it all for me

I'm trying to listen to my gut, but also not be overly suspicious. I came onto online dating having done alot of research and have spooked myself into believing everyone is stringing me along or a liar! I need to try and be more positive about it all.

@Thisisworsethananticpated in the nicest I'm not meaning this as s criticism do you think you could be a bit reactive? Maybe he doesn’t want to commit to spending his day off with you but it doesn’t mean to say he’s not into you and stuff. Maybe leave him to a bit and if he wants to chase you he can but don’t bother otherwise x

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I dont like the sound of mr ginge, sorry 🧡

ButterflyOfShay
Very fair comment
Its just when someone texts all day you kind of think they are into you !!!!

I’m taking some time out
It’s got way too intense

I think he is into you Worse but then needs a bit of space and unfortunately handles that by acting a but cold. I would try and keep your distance just a little at all times then he wont get chance to act like that to you. Mind games 😄

I know none of us wanna play mind games but its facts of life… we all have to, in all situations. I find anyway 😅

ButterflyOfShay
I’ve no doubt he’s into me but this is the second time I’ve rocked up , he’s in a bad way and looks at me like I’m a dentist about to perform an extraction on him
It’s all about his happiness and well-being first

Sorry I’ve just had a pissy email from male (also a cxxt) boss and I’m totally pissed now !

Awwwww @Thisisworsethananticpated xx

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ButterflyOfShay I’ve no doubt he’s into me but this is the second time I’ve rocked up , he’s in a bad way and looks at me like I’m a dentist about to perform an extraction on him It’s all about his happiness and well-being first

Sorry I’ve just had a pissy email from male (also a cxxt) boss and I’m totally pissed now !

I'd agree with you here... it's all very well wanting space but if you agree to see someone and they come over to your house, you should behave as though you're pleased to see them!

@ButterflyOfShay ref Ginge, oh! He's a sweet mild mannered teacher so I don't think it's him that there's anything to dislike the sound of... but he is 13 years younger than me and we are quite different. I'm feeling jolly about everything today in that I've got a whole load of other life stuff going on and feeling very much like he is just a very tiny part of that. This is how I want to feel about these things - meeting people online can and should largely be fun, and an addition to the rest of my life rather than the sole or central focus. My attention this week is on having a great time with my DC and ordering all the paraphernalia for my building project rather than on giving too much time and thought to someone I've just met..! I really don't think the fault is with him as a person but on my inability sometimes to give things the appropriate amount of attention.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I think women in general are amazing at coping with whatever life throws at them - men often not so much

Agree , this is the root of it all for me

I don’t think that’s fair

I know I’m a “just get on with it” type, and recent exes haven’t. Perhaps my approach isn’t as healthy as the “let it all out” types but it’s served me well in a practical sense. I know other men also feel under pressure to “just cope”

FloydPepper
Fair enough pal
My type is foreign emotionally damaged poor men with undiagnosed mental health issues 😃

[quote ButterflyOfShay]**@BelladiMamma* lovely to see you! 💕 @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers hope youre still feeling good 😇💛 @gelatodipistacchio how’s it going with your nice iron? Hope you feel settled. @SortingItOut he’d best not let you down at Easter!! 🐣💕 @Badbaddog* 🧃😆 x[/quote]
@ButterflyOfShay thanks for your message! It really made me smile 😊

I'm still doing good. I'm having regular physio sessions now and have started using a crutch for when I'm out.

Dating wise is still a bit slow. I'm getting a lot of people who want to be friends though! But what the hell, I'll get there someday 😂

Fantastic news about your Therapy, really hope it goes well for you ❤️💋

@FloydPepper I know it’s hashtag NotAllMen etc (hence my phrasing “often”) - but I know so many women who are or were expected to work f/t plus pick up all the “wifework”, then post separation managed caring for kids and turned their lives around.. while their exes stayed bitter. As women in a patriarchal society we are conditioned to tolerate, accommodate, stretch and bend ourselves… as you can see from the multitude of posts on MN. As I said, obviously it’s not all men, but that doesn’t mean there are no patterns of behaviour.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

FloydPepper Fair enough pal My type is foreign emotionally damaged poor men with undiagnosed mental health issues 😃

That’s very specific…😀

I don’t think it’s a gender thing

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@FloydPepper I know it’s hashtag NotAllMen etc (hence my phrasing “often”) - but I know so many women who are or were expected to work f/t plus pick up all the “wifework”, then post separation managed caring for kids and turned their lives around.. while their exes stayed bitter. As women in a patriarchal society we are conditioned to tolerate, accommodate, stretch and bend ourselves… as you can see from the multitude of posts on MN. As I said, obviously it’s not all men, but that doesn’t mean there are no patterns of behaviour.[/quote]
Oh I’m no fan of a patriarchal society, and don’t disagree with what you say about a lot of women picking up the slack

For me, patriarchy = toxic masculinity (personally. I see and understand the other issues but that’s one that resonates, maybe selfishly) and know of men struggling with mental health or emotional problem being told (either generally by society, or even specifically and overtly by people) to man up, crack on, get on with it, grow a pair etc etc etc.

Maybe the shit men need another solution, but the non-shit men sometimes don’t fare well either

Since I left my marriage I've rediscovered my European / blunt Scottish say what you think attitude. Even been known to slam a couple of doors in my recent incarnation too.

You'd never know it if you saw me with my DC, I'm MrsLetItGo with them.

I'm embracing my inner child and also speaking my mind and I have to say, it's scary but liberating.

Hi everybody,

Just catching up with the thread.

@Choux welcome! Unfortunately it's very common for this to happen on OLD. I've had random unmatching happen to me many times, and it's always shitty. You're better off not taking to them anyway, if they're going to do that. You will absolutely find someone that wants to talk to you, so just hang in there ❤️

@Eesha so glad to read about your weekend, and congratulations on the weight loss too. ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated I was concerned to read about how Balkan is treating you. You really do not deserve this at all. I agree with @SortingItOut that you deserve so much more than what you're getting from him at the moment. I think that the best thing for you to do right now is to take some time and really think if this is the sort of relationship that you want ❤️

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I hope you had a great walk ❤️

@WeWantTheFinestWines you're very welcome ❤️

Happy Monday all! 🙂

@gelatodipistacchio I'm pleased to hear things are going well with your iron 👍🏻 he sounds lovely ❤️

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
Thanks
And yes I shall
I’ve booked friends for the night I said I’d see him and I’m going to take care of myself this week
And pimp up youngest sons room for when he comes back

Just got a bit too intense

I’ve got very low standards for how I’m treated (thanks ex !)

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers Thanks And yes I shall I’ve booked friends for the night I said I’d see him and I’m going to take care of myself this week And pimp up youngest sons room for when he comes back

Just got a bit too intense

I’ve got very low standards for how I’m treated (thanks ex !)

@Thisisworsethananticpated so glad to hear that. You are so much better than him ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated
‘I’ve got very low standards for how I’m treated (thanks ex !)’
Can totally relate to this. It’s my comfort zone. Although awful obv. Flip side is when an iron (Currently got 2 v warm ones which is plenty so have frozen apps- Mr Brass & Mr Beard) is overly nice and attentive it starts to give me the ick. Which is quite messed up