Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Choux

Morning - thread newbie checking in. I set up a hinge profile this week and have been chatting to a couple of people. Just limbering up again after a long period of no dating.

I got a message early evening yesterday from someone I had liked saying I looked yummy, better than cake (one of my photos is of a cake) and asking where I was based. I just went to reply and was looking at his profile to think about what to ask when poof it disappeared!

I'm very new to hinge but don't think it was me who unmatched with him so he must have done it. Does it seem like he was just looking for a Saturday night hookup? Or just overly sensitive when he didn't get a reply from 6pm Sat to 10am Sunday? Either way no big loss but is hinge more a relationship site or a hookup site? I joined it because my SIL said her friends were doing well on it but they are all outside the UK.

Maybe I should do another site as well? How many are people on at a time?

Unfortunately this is very common. I've been mid conversation and they've either deleted their profile or unmatched me.

I was meant to have a date zero with someone this evening after a few days chatting and he unmatched me on the app and blocked me on watsap this morning.

@ButterflyOfShay Great news about the therapy starting soon, you're going to benefit so much.
Also great news on the tattoo, I had my 5th session last week on my back tattoo, another 1.5 sessions to go.

Checking in too. My divorce was finalised in March and Still with my boyfriend who I met on old 5months ago. It’s going so well, I can’t actually believe it. I did have counselling following the breakdown of my marriage, and it really helped me set boundaries and has helped me have a healthy adult relationship. Hope everyone is doing ok

Checking in, thanks for new thread crunch

@Daydreamscometrue that’s so nasty, I hope you’re alright 😥

Love the sound of your yoga retreat @gelatodipistacchio! Did you do any meditating at it? Meditating is my new obsession I got into it after Christmas and find it magical. Glad it’s still going nice with your iron! Maybe he is going to be your b/f?? 💘

@Badbaddog @Thisisworsethananticpated That’s so cool about cutting down. It can only be doing us good. I only drunk one night in feb, 3 nights in march and aiming for zero this month. Next month I’m going to relax it as it’s my birthday and on holiday.. but I’ll never go back to the old ways.

Oooo I have a few days child free and was planning on trying some yoga classes locally.

@ButterflyOfShay I think you'll find the therapy really useful as several of my friends have it and it seems to have changed their lives dramatically. You sound very happy!

I had a lovely weekend seeing distant relatives for the first time in years post covid. Food was delicious too. Then yesterday I took advantage of the nicer weather and took my children out for the day, so toy shopping, a great lunch and ice cream! I decided to be careful because of my new weight loss mission. I seem to have lost 5.5kg in two weeks post my breakup. Still at least 7kg to go but getting somewhere I hope.

Wow @Eesha congratulations on the weight loss, despite it being for a bad reason. Hopefully you’ll get to treat yourself to some new clothes too then and you’ll be feeling great x

@Eesha a friend of mine is on Jane Plan and lost like a stone in 2 weeks. I don’t think she even needed to but hey ho. She said its miraculous!!

Oh dear I hit the red wine a bit yesterday evening

More rocks in the road with Balkan

But , I’ve very maturely not deleted the chat, not unfrozen my hinge profile , and not recussitated any old irons
But his issues are many and my happiness is paramount

And I did use the Wasted Sunday to repaint my sons bedroom !

I’m just annoyed that I told everyone on the hen do I had a ‘man friend ‘
My bad !

Eesha
Well done on the good weekend
Bouncing back nicely x

Daydreamscometrue

I wish bad karma to people who do that
Why ? Why ?
Dick

ButterflyOfShay

Awesome self care and chirpiness from your recent posts . Well all of them really . It’s very healthy and motivating . I’ve got one more kid free week and I think I shall follow your lead

I lied
I just deleted contact and chat

I’m annoyed and need to not deny that

@Thisisworsethananticpated You say this/versions of this alot But his issues are many and my happiness is paramount but you still go back to him.

Is there a reason you and him have so many 'fall outs'?
Is it misunderstandings or genuine fallouts?

Why do you keep going back? You deserve more, I know the sex is good but surely not thst good that you put up with this crap

Agree SortingItOut
In a nutshell he has major anxiety and unhappiness after his divorce
But I’ve realised that his problems continue to be more valuable than my happiness
And that when he’s having a bad day he is pretty cold and not nice to me

Just wish I wasn’t having this realisation with a stinking hangover

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I lied I just deleted contact and chat

I’m annoyed and need to not deny that

Oh @Thisisworsethananticpated - what happened? We are so similar in the deleting chats thing.

Are you both trying to be FWB or more than FWB?

I'm very impressed you painted a bedroom even with hangover and emotional irritations.

@Thisisworsethananticpated If you want him in your life you either need a chat about communication to prevent misunderstandings or when he is cold and horrible to you, you disengage and stop messaging.

Personally I'd walk away, this is a verbal and emotionally abusive 'thing' and you deserve better this this. You are worth so much more.

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Unfortunately whilst deleting the chat and contact I pocket dialled him !
Damn

It’s not that he has anxiety that bothers me
Hell I do
It’s that yesterday I tried to make plans for this Friday and he was totally non committal

If he’s too anxious to make plans with nice sexy old me for his day off , why even bother

And he is very cold when he is in a bad way and it reminds me of my ex

@Eesha pretty impressive to have had such a positive weekend and be sounding so good after just two weeks... I think it's a great focus to turn attention on your health and brilliant you've had such a good start to losing a bit of weight. The weather this weekend was just fabulous down here too... spring has never felt so welcome.

I had a friend down for the weekend and we had a great time catching up. It was all quite poignant as he was a great support during my marriage break up and he had called me a couple of weeks ago to say his had just broken up too... so lots of chats about 'life after marriage' etc.

Mr Ginger called last night although again my anxiety levels were starting up about it and I had a couple of good realisations which had come from recent therapy sessions that it's absolutely crucial I don't waste my time on anyone who gives mixed signals etc - same goes for you @Thisisworsethananticpated - it's the ambivalence/confusion that does it for me and I need to steer well clear of it. Not much sign of ambivalence YET although there's a definite decrease in excitement from him now that we've actually met. He's now away for the next 10 days and although we confirmed our plans to meet when he's back on 20th and he invited me to stay over at his, I could feel my boundaries being challenged and know this is where I need to make clear what I am and am not comfortable with. Really don't think I'm comfortable staying over at his midweek when I'd have to get up and head off to my very full-on job the next morning - NO.

Agree @ButterflyOfShay you are sounding so chipper!

SortingItOut
Thanks
I did say If this happens again - enough

I did know this kid free period would be a bit make or break

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs Unfortunately whilst deleting the chat and contact I pocket dialled him ! Damn

It’s not that he has anxiety that bothers me
Hell I do
It’s that yesterday I tried to make plans for this Friday and he was totally non committal

If he’s too anxious to make plans with nice sexy old me for his day off , why even bother

And he is very cold when he is in a bad way and it reminds me of my ex

Coldness and non-committal when it suits him... hmm sounding a bit familiar.

Pocket-dialling - bet that was via WhatsApp - why is that so easily done?! Terrible design.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs honestly I'm just pushing myself each day to get on with things. I often think about Mr M and wonder how easy it was for him to end things with me, plus the age old if I was x/y/z, would things have been different. But the weight thing has been a good distraction for me. Dating is definitely not for me as I can't stomach doing all this again only to have it fall to pieces.

Yes but that in itself is more than many manage to do - it's that thing you referred to before when things were tough with MrM - in that it's your tendency to roll your sleeves up and just get on with things whereas he struggled more with it all.

I think women in general are amazing at coping with whatever life throws at them - men often not so much.

I often had those thoughts about the old 'if I was more x,y,z.. would things have been different'... but we are who we are. And if someone can't accommodate that then it's only a matter of time before things implode. I think what caused a lot of my anxiety with MrM was me trying to contain it all and keep the less perfect bits of my feelings away from him in case it was 'too much'. I realise now I cannot do that... I have to be able to be myself.