Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Rubyroseyposey 😂😂

And there’s me umming and aaahing about whether to swipe on a guy, whether his hobbies seem interesting, what stage in life he’s at, if he seems nice, then swiping on maybe 1 in 15 guys in the past 😂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

That does make sense. I feel for guys not getting replies, it must get tiring

That’s true and good advice, thank you. I have lots of other things going on too which helps - he lives a few minutes walk away which is why we’ve caught up for a couple of hours here and there instead of just endless texting.

Urgh it is SO off putting. Blokes who do this.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about. You are so classy and elegant!!

Awww thank you Shay - you are gorgeous and fabulous!!!

I also put thought into who I swipe right on, and therefore do it rarely. More often than not, we then don't match. When we do, I tend to message so I've done it (I've tried not messaging and then the matches just sit there and nothing happens - this is Tinder, obviously not Bumble), I often then get no reply. When I do, the convo often fizzles very quickly and I don't push it. If it carries on and is seemingly going well, I often get ghosted. If we make it as far as WhatsApp, ghosting is still a distinct possibility. So it is really rare that I get as far as a date. And most dates are disappointing. So actually getting to the point of meeting someone and it goes well enough that you both want to meet again - hen's teeth city....

@WeWantTheFinestWines I tend to not write first as whenever I've ever done it, the men just give one word answers or they just aren't that interested. I rarely even go on dates because I am pretty strict early on.

Its a minefield!!!

@Youcunnyfunt …Id say you are on the home run with Music man. 6 days meeting out of 9 is like….crazy. I only had liaisons like that when I was younger and kids free! Enjoy a lot. I think this guy is a keeper. The fact that he instigated conversation about ex lovers means he’s serious in knowing what works and does not work for you. Communication is everything and he’s completely open to you.
@Thisisworsethananticpated …recycling old irons is ok for a wine or a walk on the park but in the end it’s a bit of a waste of time too because if you did not get far earlier with them is because they are not what you want or you are not what they want. I think it’s a bit of a waste of precious time. But who knows …maybe you liked a lot one of those ex irons and she’s more receptive now

Yeah, same 🤭😂

I think people not responding or responding for a day then nothing is common for men and women. From my perspective though women tend to be bombarded with sex pests so it gets demoralizing constantly filtering through them. OLD is just rubbish really all round 😅

Recycling old irons 😅 (but I agree - seems like a potential waste of time).

Agree on London locations, though I am apparently in the opposite direction! Wandsworth or West London would be a hard no. (One great feature of Mr S is that he lives very close by for London, but not so close that I would be likely to run into him a lot if we stopped seeing each other!)

I’m having a bit of interesting exchange with iron I saw over Easter. I’m quiet because I’m also finalising issues with my ex. This iron Mr Smile ,is clear, straightforward, lovely really. He’s also decisive about dating and has organised next date (second) in very nice place. I have a good feeling about him. He’s not ultra elegant and incredibly good looking like my ex but he feels right…and kissable (??). There’s something about this iron I quite like. We are at that age where kids will leave the nest in a few years now. So we both feel there’s room for freedom in the future and I like that too. Anyway…perhaps I’m seeing too much. We’ll see how it goes…

I'm the same - I very rarely make first contact because in my experience they're not that interested if they haven't messaged. When I do message first, I don't get much of a response.

Am also quite hardcore about filtering out before going on a date - in 2 years I've just counted and I've had 9 first dates - none of them were disasters... 6 ended in snogs... 3 continued into relationship type things. Video calls are the way forward in my opinion!

It's not so much the actual distance with London, it's the time it takes to travel (and associated frustrations) - it can easily take over an hour to get from one side to the other, and often almost impossible to drive or needing 2-3 connections.

Had a really good third date last night. Both want to see each other again. My problem in the past is getting over invested too quick. How do I avoid this?

Enjoy how well it’s going and don’t over think. Don’t just put all your happiness on going out with him. Meeting other people, doing stuff with other loved ones and planning besides him work wonders
We all tend to over invest when we like the guy a bit too much though… I’d be the first to go that route too but at least I now question it

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I’m also fastidious with the filtering. It’s taking me weeks OLD and I only have one iron, mr Smile, I’m going to actually have second date with and with whom I have any communication. I don’t want to waste my time with fully unsuitable but fun or hanky dates. But I have nothing against it, on the contrary, I have a girlfriend who is having massive fun at the moment dating assorted good looking men with zero compatibility with her life. She’s having just fun and dates with good looking men only 😂😂😂. Lots of guys do the same I think?!

@Moopyhereagain eeek good luck with your dates! Try not to worry too much about the "picking one" because it'll likely become apparent in time who you prefer/get on well best with/see a potential future with.

Love your bit about - "is this the kind of communication style that works for me". I've spent ages hoping someone's communication style would change/gel better with mine and it rarely does improve or make me feel very good.

All the different approaches to OLD is really interesting! When I was younger I'd absolutely spend time going on lots of dates with "unsuitable" men and became very emotionally invested! Now I'm a bit more discerning but still feel upset when the date ends with a kiss then the communication stops :(

@Brightstar29 got my fingers crossed for you! I find I sometimes go into a daydream of how my life would mesh with a potential dates, and what the future will look like etc so I try to limit those thoughts as much as I can otherwise I end up emotionally invested and disappointed!

I have my 2nd date with Mr Hipster later. I was excited but now feel a bit flat about it. The other night he said how he liked how I take an interest in him and his life and it's like .. yeah but the feeling has to be mutual so I'm hoping he asks me lots of questions on this date!

@Penguinwaddler i don’t want to get my hopes up but there hasn’t been any red flags so far which I’m finding is less common these days. I do have a fear of rejection I’m working on from past experience so I know I need to try and keep my feet on the ground.

Mila14
gelato

vis a vis recyling , they are chaps I never met as was seeing someone - so they asked me out and I said no
have two/theee potentials then I’ll assess if i
marry them ( hahahahaha )
or start hinge again
or do nothing for a while and focus on finding more fulfilling hobbies 😁

I got another horrible yesterday , really strange and not pleasant messages

funny how it throws you ?

A little hope can be a good thing and you're allowed to let yourself be excited about him 😍

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow