Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It's so upsetting when you realise that you've been beholden - emotionally - to a complete stranger, in effect.

Just keep an eye on the feelings, and try to have that bit of separation to think... hmmm.... is this the kind of communication style that works for me?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you so much for your thoughtful advice. I do feel a bit stupid, I'm only really looking for something quite casual, but I was so swept along by the excitement of it all. I've actually lost weight this week as I couldn't eat (which is one bonus of all this).

@ibelieveinmirrorballs .. interesting is the fact that many women only put the bare bones on their profile.
I don't see mens profiles so is that the case with men too?
Why wouldn't you want to shout from the rooftops your qualities?

Don't feel stupid at all. We all experience the same initial learning curve when starting OLD I think. My first date/short relationship from OLD was with a complete love bomber who ghosted me after a few weeks. By that time I'd fallen massively for it all.

Well again I can only speak for myself, but the only thing I'm really looking for in a profile is some sort of sign that that person is a bit witty and has a positive outlook. Anybody can say anything about themselves, and those who say very clearly that they are kind, honest, etc etc - well... I'm sure even Fred West would have described himself this way

I try to remember that you can only really know who someone is from the way they've actually treated me and the way I've experienced them. So I'm not that bothered about what's in someone's profile... but again this is just me!

My profile says very little other than that I'm looking for open-hearted types with a sense of adventure and the ability to think critically.

So .... why do some women have bunny ears, noses, stars and sparkly bits on their profile pic?
And why post pics of cats, trees, the moon or a child of some description.
I don't want to date any one of those..it's the real person I want to date, wrinkles, grey hair, the lot.

Then simply scroll on by them…! Same as I do the men with long lists of what they’re NOT looking for, or with photos of them in their (shit) bathroom, or next to someone else’s orange Lamborghini, or…. (Etc etc)

The other thing that's come up so many times on here is that women get tons of matches whereas for men it's often harder. So I think there is a need for men to work harder to get a response than us women.

Yep, I’d 2nd that, would say a lot men (me included), get quite jaded quite quickly with OLD as the level of “interest”, you get is poor return on the time / effort/ emotion you put in, But of course the flip side of that we (men), don’t tend to get unwanted sexual advances, abuse messages, tit pics etc

😂😂 welcome to wonderful world in internet dating !,
I think those kinda things are the female equivalent of men posting pictures of them holding fish, just follow the given advice above and keep on scrolling …

@Shunter350

”Why wouldn’t you want to shout from the rooftop your qualities?”

I tried my best with my profile but actually find it really awkward and cringey talking about myself and especially trying to find good things about myself. I’d find it easier writing a profile showcasing how rubbish I am 😂

I had my tongue firmly in cheek with that comment. What I was driving at was put out the bullet points that prevents any clashes., ie sporty / not sporty, take away / gourmet, tv / no tv.

Moopyhereagain
yoy go girl ! You’ll be exhausted after this

Regarding profile the main things I like are
funny comments or sweet comments
nice smile face

distance from me
London is HUGE
Stratford , Watford, Greenwich ? Nah

anyway I’ve frozen hinge
i did some old iron recyling this week so have a few chats
#gret

im being green
aka
lazy

I am definitely catching the feels ☺️ Need to keep my feet on the ground…
Music man is just lovely, I saw him again for a few hours this evening. After we bonked, we talked a bit about past relationships - he instigated it. It’s not something you do if you’re only interested in sex, is it?
It’s been 9 days since our first date and we’ve seen each other on 6 days since 😱

@Youcunnyfunt I think everyone feels a bit anxious early on but it sounds like you are really enjoying your time together.

@Stayingstrongish I found it easier to add a section in my profile about what I was recently excited me rather than list a reel of things I'm great at.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow /@Shunter350 I often think because there seems to be so many more women doing OLD, men can be inundated. I've chatted to men who say this, not so much in a boastful way but you could be 'average' looks wise as a man but if you can chat/have a decent job etc, you can get a lot of dates. From what you both say, it's just not as easy for men as I thought.

@Eesha that’s a good tip, yes I could happily witter on about the things I’m into at the moment.

@Eesha I (personally) wouldn’t say that OLD is more or less difficult for men compared to women, it’s just a different experience, I’m probably the epitome of Mr Average looks/ job wise, I found OLD was a lot of scrolling through profiles & sending messages for very little in the way of returns as in, responses, chats, dates etc.

@Eesha I think (based on some chats with guys) men will swipe right on loads of women whereas women are more fussy about who they swipe on. On Bumble I was finding nearly all the guys I had swiped on had swiped on me, I’m just average looking so wonder if most men just swipe away on everyone in a ‘you’ll do’ type of way.

I got replies to nearly all my chats so didn’t have the problem of not getting responses. However the next bit could be tricky, for example did have Mr Sci-Fi cancelling on me twice because he was supposedly sick, and the thing I’ve since found some guys do where they claim they’re not into sex and then unleash filthy chat on WhatsApp before we’d even met. I’m not even looking for someone not into sex, I’d rather they were - just be honest about it.

London is HUGE
not sure I would entirely agree with that, the county I live in is bigger than London, but the entire county population is barely a tenth of Greater London.

@Youcunnyfunt Sounds like you're having a lot of fun.
Just be careful about the meeting up loads in a short space of time...could be love bombing.
Keep your own life going. Men should enhance your life and not be your life.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow its tough isn't it. I know a few pretty average looking blokes who got so many dates but they really put the work and money (boosts etc) into getting dates as in online dating for hours on end. I'm definitely much more careful because I haven't got that sort of time. I screen people a lot early on.

i think this is true and not true at the same time, I would only swipe on people I liked, BUT, most men probably realise that most women don’t reply, so you do have to keep swiping away to get a chat going, let alone a date, it’s a bit like fishing ( if you excuse the comparison), you have to cast out a lot of times before you get a bite ( so to speak)

Yep. 😞

I've seen a guy on a bus swiping right on every profile, whilst looking out the window 😂