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Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
xXwhenwillitendXx · 07/04/2022 13:31

How old are the children.
I think if they are old enough to have their own room /adjoining room then go for it.
It's not necessarily about the sex but would be nice for you and husband to have some down time in the evening in your own space while the children are sleeping.
You might find the time together makes you feel more intimate.

Bumpsadaisie · 07/04/2022 13:32

I'm with your DH! Surely it would be nice to have your own space away from the kids and to be able to connect?

If your sex life is on the back burner maybe it would be a good chance to get to know one another again...

Of course it depends a bit on the DC ages. If they're tiny there's not going to be much time away from them so might not be worth a separate room. But otherwise - I definitely would if we could afford it.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:37

Kids are 5 (twins) so well able to be in their own room in a villa or apartment.

I do very much agree it would be nice to have the extra space when they are asleep to be able to move around and chill together.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply as reading my OP back I've realised it was a bit of a brain dump rather than a coherent query!

I suppose I get myself excited about staying in site and the kids having a fabulous time and being immersed that maybe I forget that actually it would be nice for my husband to have a nice time too....and for him to have a nice time literally means getting to have some intimacy with me!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 07/04/2022 13:40

I'm going to ask very gently, is this an excuse not to have sex?

Longcovid21 · 07/04/2022 13:41

Disney isn't really a sexy place is it!?
Surely this holiday is mainly about the kids.
He seems to be putting sex pressure on you before you even go.

Snowdropsarelovely · 07/04/2022 13:45

Honestly, after having been to Disney a few times I think you'll find that you're so exhausted by the evening that sex will be the last thing on your mind!!

MermaidEyes · 07/04/2022 13:47

Leaving the sex (or lack of it aside) we've never shared a room on holiday with our kids, right from babies. After spending all day entertaining them, we like some space to relax. I agree with a pp though, that you're just using it as an excuse to avoid sex, which is a whole other issue really, and nothing to do with the holiday.

ittakes2 · 07/04/2022 13:50

At 5 after a day walking around Disney, I doubt they will wake up during storm let alone parent bonding.

wonderwoman26 · 07/04/2022 13:54

I'm with your DP - relationships require work and if your willing to just not have sex for weeks on end with a partner having a high sex drive, it sounds a recipe for disaster.

Also - having stayed in Florida before, 1 week in a villa 1 week at the disney complex - i would recommend getting a villa anyway.
Private pool, huge amounts of space, usually there are buses to and from the disney resort almost every 30 minutes - the disney complex really isnt that spectacular.

nearlyspringyay · 07/04/2022 13:56

It's a family holiday, not a romantic getaway. Book a weekend away without the kids.

ravenmum · 07/04/2022 13:57

Can you maybe get an airbnb/gîte or something?
Does your dh really suck it up, nicely that is, or does he make it more than abundantly clear that he wants more sex; is he sulky? If he has a decent attitude, it might be nice to show a bit of positivity in return?
Disney / a family holiday really isn't that sexy, is it, though. It will be like at home, just in a different place with different stress.
Maybe offer something else instead - organise childcare and have a long weekend just the two of you later in the year?

inmyslippers · 07/04/2022 13:57

It's a family holiday, not a romantic getaway. Book a weekend away without the kids.

** yes seconded.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 07/04/2022 13:58

He won't be relaxing at Disney, is he mad? It's one of those places you need a week's holiday just to get over, especially with 5 year olds Confused

Collaborate · 07/04/2022 14:02

@Longcovid21

Disney isn't really a sexy place is it!? Surely this holiday is mainly about the kids. He seems to be putting sex pressure on you before you even go.
A husband wanting to have sex with his wife is now something to condemn is it? FFS.
Justmuddlingalong · 07/04/2022 14:02

Presumably the holiday will involve more than endless days at the parks.

Kwackerly · 07/04/2022 14:03

Staying on site in Disney is brilliant, you get the pool, evening movies, marshmallow toasting, kids activities in the pool every day, free buses to all the parks etc and my kids enjoyed meeting other kids. So I loved it. The rooms are fine, I got used to us all sharing (take earplugs) if you struggle with sleeping! At that age we just erm made use of the bathroom in the middle of the night, which is the Disney way Wink. Mostly we were exhausted though!

ladygindiva · 07/04/2022 14:04

Your solution is the Davy Crocket ranch.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/04/2022 14:05

@nearlyspringyay

It's a family holiday, not a romantic getaway. Book a weekend away without the kids.
It doesn't have to be either/or.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday where sex was completely off the table before we'd even got there!

Babdoc · 07/04/2022 14:05

I’m more concerned about why you have lost your libido, than the accommodation arrangements, OP.
Is it exhaustion - is your DH not doing a fair share of childcare and chores - or does he not spend time wooing you - is he crap in bed - do you no longer fancy him?
If this is not addressed, your marriage may fail, as sex is usually a good marker of how happy the relationship is. Couples who love each other and work well as a team are usually very keen to get their hands on each other on holiday. It’s rather sad that you aren’t.
I’m not for a minute suggesting that you should grit your teeth and have sex you don’t want, I’m just saying that perhaps you should look at what’s causing the problem, with a view to fixing it if possible.

Ponderingwindow · 07/04/2022 14:06

After a day at Disney, you will both be too exhausted to care about sex. All you will want is a shower and sleep. Going to sleep at the same time as the kids won’t be an issue as they will likely be up later than normal and you will be exhausted and want to sleep too.

Embracelife · 07/04/2022 14:06

Book a weekend away without the kids.
Candles massage for two etc
Tiring Disney holiday is not going to turn you on is it?

2DogsOnMySofa · 07/04/2022 14:07

We got round this by putting the kids in kids club for an hour every couple of days. We'd nip back to the apartment, have an hour to ourselves and then go pick them up

Whooshaagh · 07/04/2022 14:10

If you can afford separate rooms and you're up for sex then I think you should.
If you're both too tired and it doesn't happen then at least you showed willing.
However presumably you have your own room at home so why will what is essentially a walking holiday with rides be any less tiring!

rookiemere · 07/04/2022 14:11

There was an identical thread to this a couple of years ago. I'll see if I can find it.

Grimsknee · 07/04/2022 14:14

If he wants a particular kind of accommodation, why not hand it over to HIM to organise....

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