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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
thefootballcoacheswife · 07/04/2022 16:43

I was a bit like this in my first marriage. Little kids, work etc etc and we became more friends than anything else, which probably contributed to it ending in the end.
I got to the point where it felt almost embarrassing to have sex with then H. And that made me want to do it even less.
The only solution to that is to get back on the horse so to speak...wine helped me-but I appreciate me that advice isn't for everyone .

Carrotten · 07/04/2022 16:43

Intimacy isn't just sex though. Intimacy is about spending time together as couple, not as parents. You might be too tired to have sex but not cuddle or have early morning/late night chats. You might want to watch tv in bed together

If your sharing a room with your DC it's just that bit harder to have non-sex related Intimacy. And I get it's not a romantic weekend away, but when your on holiday with Dc actually that time together in your room alone even if not having sex is the only adult, couple time you will get and I think it's quite important. You are doing away with all Intimacy on your holiday, not just sex.

Tickledtrout · 07/04/2022 16:43

Disney holiday is about the kids though isn't it. Exhausting long days. Sort the lack of sex out first not sure The Magic Kingdom will help you with that

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:44

roundtable I was on the pill for years and attributed my initial dip in libido to that, came off it pre kids and never went back on so unfortunately it's not that!
I sometimes wonder if it's stress that does it to me!

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive that's a nice way of thinking about it.

OP posts:
Carrotten · 07/04/2022 16:46

And I think if my partner basically didn't give a shit about any intimate time together on our holiday that would make me sad. It's not just like a get your dick wet situation, it's all the little bits of intimacy you are demonstrating you aren't bothered by

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:47

Twizbe late 30's and coil

Thefootballcoacheswife I think you're right.....I probably just need to get on with it for a month (it'll make his year) and then I'll probably get back into the groove of things!!!

Carrotten I probably hadn't thought about it like that but you're right. And you are right that even if it's just sitting talking with a glass of something, or lying in bed watching TV together it's about strengthening that bond.

OP posts:
Skelligsfeathers · 07/04/2022 16:50

And the thing about sex is....the more you have it, the more you want it and vice versa.

HaggisBurger · 07/04/2022 16:51

I’m with your DH on this. I think back with sadness about how my stbXH never ever wanted to have sex on holiday. Or at home for that matter (he was consistent I’ll give him that 😉). To the extent that I think he was always happy if the room arrangements meant we had a child each with us or were in a family room.

I personally think both need to make an effort to have physical intimacy and downtime from the kids.

On a more practical note we stayed at the Grand Floridian when our twins were about 6 which did do two room apartments with a mini kitchen and was amazing. Was £££ tho.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:52

Skelligsfeathers

And the thing about sex is....the more you have it, the more you want it and vice versa

Agree with this wholeheartedly! Like I say, maybe I need to just get on with it for a month- I'm sure he wouldn't object!

OP posts:
bluebaul · 07/04/2022 16:52

I find the idea of prioritising sex when booking a family holiday a bit weird tbh. We did shag in the bathroom one night at Disney, but I would never book accommodation specifically around being able to have sex.

Bubbles16395 · 07/04/2022 16:52

Have a look at the suites in Art of Animation, or perhaps even better have a look at renting a 1 bed apartment through DVC rental - can work out cheaper than direct through Disney.
It really does make a massive difference being on site vs off site, and it gives you the option of down time in the day for the kids

HaggisBurger · 07/04/2022 16:54

If it’s a Mirena coil they can cause low libido too. Though every doc swears blind there isn’t enough hormone in it to cause anything. A quick MN search reveals the opposite

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:55

DVC rental we are looking into, the upgrade to studio at Art of Animation is a daft cost though (annoyingly we could totally afford it I just wouldn't be willing to and would actually rather stay off site, and use the money for a VIP guide for a day or two.....upgrading to a studio is an extra £3,500) yeesh!

OP posts:
Ijustreallywantacat · 07/04/2022 16:55

How good for you that your DH is so open and honest about how he’s feeling, while making it clear he fancies you. I wouldn’t take that for granted tbh. I am echoing everyone else who says one room is my idea of hell. The more I read about Disney on here the less keen I am on it. A holiday should be a holiday for everyone. Surely you could schedule one or two more chilled days where you could wake up a bit later and take it slow?

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:56

HaggisBurger

If it’s a Mirena coil they can cause low libido too. Though every doc swears blind there isn’t enough hormone in it to cause anything. A quick MN search reveals the opposite

Oh interesting!! It is indeed the generic brand Mirena!! Thank you I will look into this.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/04/2022 16:59

Does anyone remember that couple who decided to have sex every day for a year? What happened to them in the end?

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 16:59

Completely agree a family holiday should have something for everyone not just the kids. I’d never use up my annual leave, fork out thousands etc if it was solely for children’s benefit- I’m a person too and deserve a holiday that has stuff I like to do just as much!

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:00

Ijustreallywantacat Thank you for that, I do appreciate that he is honest with me, I also think I maybe need to Rey and fancy myself half as much as he does as that would help too!

Yes I think reading everyones thoughts really has helped me, I do appreciate everyones opinions and comments.

A little self reflection and nice to get some outside input- adjoining room, DVC or villas will now be the priority, and perhaps a little more effort on my part to overcome an issue that I also want to overcome.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 07/04/2022 17:01

@44PumpLane

HaggisBurger

If it’s a Mirena coil they can cause low libido too. Though every doc swears blind there isn’t enough hormone in it to cause anything. A quick MN search reveals the opposite

Oh interesting!! It is indeed the generic brand Mirena!! Thank you I will look into this.

Gave me hair loss, low mood all sorts. I know the non hormonal coil doesn’t have the advantage of the no/light periods. But Mirena can be a nightmare for some. Loads of women love then of course.
Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:01

HollowTalk

Does anyone remember that couple who decided to have sex every day for a year? What happened to them in the end?

Ooh sounds interesting!

OP posts:
Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:02

HaggisBurger I have always had fine hair but I actually think it's getting worse and have started to worry about areas of my crown for the hair loss!!!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 07/04/2022 17:04

@knittingaddict

I'm glad someone mentioned a similar thread a couple of years ago because I'm getting massive deja vu reading these reponses. "Too tired to have sex after a theme park", "won't do him any harm to forego sex", "too hot for sex" - pretty sure they were all the other one too.
They were and included a couple of people who didn’t have sex on their honeymoon. I thought lots of sex was the entire point of a honeymoon - we must have done ours wrong!
TomBradysLeftKneecap · 07/04/2022 17:04

Taking the sex out of it, I can’t think of a worse holiday than spending all the trip in one hotel room, sitting quietly in the dark after your kids have gone to sleep.

bluebaul · 07/04/2022 17:07

@TomBradysLeftKneecap

Taking the sex out of it, I can’t think of a worse holiday than spending all the trip in one hotel room, sitting quietly in the dark after your kids have gone to sleep.

We never had to. If the kids were tired enough to sleep they just slept. No sitting in silence

SeasonFinale · 07/04/2022 17:09

Book adjoining rooms with 1 adult and 1 child per room. Then you can actually sleep 2 adults in one and the twins in the other and leave the adjoining door open usually but shut it (unlocked) for intimate times, the same way a bedroom door at home would be unlocked.

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