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Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
JellybeansJelly · 07/04/2022 14:19

I mean just because it’s a family holiday, doesn’t mean sex has to be completely off the table…

A holiday is a chance to spend time together as a family, and as a couple once the children go to bed. I’m with him on this.

gogohm · 07/04/2022 14:21

There's always the bathroom Grin

ImprobablePuffin · 07/04/2022 14:34

@Grimsknee

If he wants a particular kind of accommodation, why not hand it over to HIM to organise....
I second this.
Fiona8121 · 07/04/2022 14:38

Could you do both? We stayed on site at Disney for 5 nights then moved to a gorgeous 2 bed apartment within the Sherston Vistana Villages complex and hired a car so had the best of both worlds

pradavilla · 07/04/2022 14:40

Disney on-site for my vote. He'll have to do without and you'll all be so knackered it really will be last thing on your mind and maybe his if all tiered. It's a very active holiday.

Sunnytwobridges · 07/04/2022 14:40

I had an ex that always wanted to share a hotel room with his kids. I prefer to have separate rooms to get downtime from the kids, not for sex but just have that alone time after being around kids all day.

rhowton · 07/04/2022 14:56

100% get a villa or apartment in Disney. Try Encore resort, as they have shuttles to Disney. The hotels are Disney are hugely overpriced, and you are all in one room no bigger than a living room. It is awful.

Easterdaffsx · 07/04/2022 15:02

Sex aside you're paying a lot of money for a family holiday so if you. An affordable the extra try and get some grown up time in too ?
I would miss the intimacy of that last hour or so alone in the bedroom regardless of what's involved .

Manekinek0 · 07/04/2022 15:03

I would get a villa if going to Orlando. I'm sure it worked out cheaper than staying onsite when we went through virgin.

Flyinggeese1234 · 07/04/2022 15:11

@rookiemere

There was an identical thread to this a couple of years ago. I'll see if I can find it.
I remember that too.
theleafandnotthetree · 07/04/2022 15:14

As someone else said, there was a very very lengthy almost identital thread to this some time ago. I came away from THAT thread thinking how godawful a Disney holiday sounded (people saying you'll be so shattered/exhausted/wrung out you'll be fit for nothing). If I were to feel like that at the end of the day, I'd at least want it to be because of having done something really physically invigorating like hiking or white water rafting (or having lots of sex!) not traipsing around or standing in queues at an amusement park. Sounds like an endurance test but if that's your thing, I think I myself would at least want the space and place to have a drink, a chat and some alone time at the end of the day.

Flyinggeese1234 · 07/04/2022 15:15

OP you’re not alone www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4252050-Two-week-holiday-family-room-no-sex

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2022 15:18

@theleafandnotthetree

As someone else said, there was a very very lengthy almost identital thread to this some time ago. I came away from THAT thread thinking how godawful a Disney holiday sounded (people saying you'll be so shattered/exhausted/wrung out you'll be fit for nothing). If I were to feel like that at the end of the day, I'd at least want it to be because of having done something really physically invigorating like hiking or white water rafting (or having lots of sex!) not traipsing around or standing in queues at an amusement park. Sounds like an endurance test but if that's your thing, I think I myself would at least want the space and place to have a drink, a chat and some alone time at the end of the day.
I've done it three times, it's not as horrific as people want to make out! Never been too exhausted to have sex anyway Grin It is, what you make it. Plenty of opportunity for downtime at Disney.
MagneticRubberDucks · 07/04/2022 15:19

This is why we have always gotten two adjoining rooms whenever we go away.

Bettyboop3 · 07/04/2022 15:23

@Longcovid21

Disney isn't really a sexy place is it!? Surely this holiday is mainly about the kids. He seems to be putting sex pressure on you before you even go.
There's always one 🙄
RantyAunty · 07/04/2022 15:31

Skip the Disney until next year and send the kids to the grandparents.

Plan a relaxing getaway just for you two.

Gowithme · 07/04/2022 15:31

How long are you going for? Can you stay half the time on site and half somewhere you have separate rooms?

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 15:39

Sorry I had a meeting and wasn't expecting the number of replies....though incredibly grateful for the engagement!

When you mentioned a similar thread a couple years ago I genuinely wondered if it was from me....glad to see it wasn't me and I am not alone!!

Justmuddlingalong asked if this was an excuse to not have sex, and to be honest you may be right. It really just doesn't cross my mind these days. If I think about it I don't want to be sexless for the rest of my life, but have just completely gone off sex for now.

babdoc asked about my husband's contribution in the home- he is an active contributor, looks after the kids plenty so I get time with friends (we even tend to do a 1 week holiday every other year with friends separately, so no issues with his parenting contributions). He does 80% of the cooking, does all the ironing (I hate ironing, but we both do the washing). I tend to do the hoovering, we share the bathrooms, I do the kids clothes and showers. So he does pull his weight, there is no issue there.

He's also very good in bed. Happy to spend time on foreplay, will spend time to focus on me etc He's not put on weight or drastically changed since I met him. To be honest I'm the one who has out on a couple stone and feel pretty rubbish about that, which is probably a contributing factor, though he always tells me how sexy I am.

I feel like I've maybe just lost passion and I mourn the passing of passion.

So when I'm thinking Disney holiday, I'm literally thinking DISNEY!!! Rather than thinking "oh let's have some time in the parks and some sexy time in the evening". I know we will all be knackered, but I also know that while there for 2 weeks we will need at least a few evenings of getting the kids to bed on time and the likelihood of me going to sleep at 7.30pm is slim.....so realistically even on those nights I should be thinning about a bit of intimacy.

Ravenmum asked about whether my husband sulks or is genuinely nice about it. It's a mixture to be honest, he doesn't press the issue 95% of the time, but then at times like now when I'm talking about accomodation on holiday, I think his sadness about how I entirely seem to discount intimacy leads to frustration and he expresses that to me.

Ladygindiva unfortunately the Davy Crockett Ranch is Disney Paris rather than Florida.

We have done Disney several times before, so I know what to expect in terms of busyness, maybe we do just need a weekend away!!

OP posts:
Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 15:41

I do think I maybe need to just make a bit more effort, there is a bit of "the more you have the more you want", so when you don't bother you probably don't miss it!!

OP posts:
Hutchy16 · 07/04/2022 15:44

Two or three weeks without sex isn’t going to kill him. Staying on site is so much better than off site but not cost effective for a place big enough to have a separate room.

He will be walking in the heat for hours and hours a day, he will be too tired to think about sex lol

DameHelena · 07/04/2022 15:47

I don't much like the sound of him, TBH. He'd rather spend thousands of pounds more just so he can have sex? Is he a teenager?

SparklingLime · 07/04/2022 15:48

@Justmuddlingalong

I'm going to ask very gently, is this an excuse not to have sex?
Sounds more like potentially paying a lot of money to have sex that she doesn’t want.
Littlegoth · 07/04/2022 15:49

We went to Disney without kids. We were far too knackered to have sex!

Comedycook · 07/04/2022 15:52

I will get a flaming for this ....but don't take your dhs fidelity for granted.

ManateeFair · 07/04/2022 15:53

People are being a bit harsh on your DH here, I think. He clearly really fancies you, and I can absolutely see why he feels a bit sad that you’re proposing to essentially rule out the chance of intimacy during a time when you’re away from all the pressures of home life. As for people saying ‘Disney isn’t sexy’ - I think that misses the point. It’s not about the environment you’re in. It’s more about the fact that on a family holiday (yes, even at bloody Disney) you’re having fun together, having a laugh, reconnecting a bit, and that generally makes people feel more relaxed and happy and attracted to each other. I’m not saying people are going to want to swing from the chandeliers but personally I’m more likely to feel happy to have sex on holiday if we get into bed and DP gives me a cuddle and says “Aw, it’s been such an amazing day, hasn’t it?” than I would if candles and massage were on offer.