Sex on holiday

[44PumpLane]

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@bluebaul
Why wouldn’t you want to see the world?
I’m not being judgemental, just genuinely curious as to how someone could not want to see different parts of the world, how people live in different places and cultures, etc etc. Fascinated by how someone could not be interested![/quote]

Oh away you go and save your fake fascination for something more interesting. Are you seriously expecting me to explain why I don't want to do something? The reason is literally that I am not interested. I'm a bit surprised that a seemingly intelligent adult has trouble to understand we don't all have the same interests

@bluebaul
Blimey! Calm down 😂
It’s am genuinely curious and fascinated by someone who has no interest in exploring the world. But no, you don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@bluebaul
Blimey! Calm down 😂
It’s am genuinely curious and fascinated by someone who has no interest in exploring the world. But no, you don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want.[/quote]

There is nothing fascinating about not wanting the same things.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@bluebaul
Blimey! Calm down 😂
It’s am genuinely curious and fascinated by someone who has no interest in exploring the world. But no, you don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want.[/quote]

It's not that I don't want to explain it, it's that I can't explain it.

If there is something I am really interested in I could probably list you several reasons why. But for something that doesn't interest me, I don't have any reasons, I'm just not interested. That's it. There is no hugely fascinating reason, I just have no interest. It's a bit basic really.

It’s because wanting to see the world and actually travelling to see the world has equated to being worldly and cool and intelligent. I’ve never been out of Europe. I plan to visit USA at some point and have family in Australia but I’ve just never had that strong drive to see the world. I read about the world and different cultures and watch documentaries but don’t have that strong desire to actually visit those places.

It’s because wanting to see the world and actually travelling to see the world has equated to being worldly and cool and intelligent.

Ah thank you. So the poster who found me not wanting to do this 'fascinating' was just saying I'm a bit of a shit person, or not cool?

I'm ok with that

maybe I forget that actually it would be nice for my husband to have a nice time too....and for him to have a nice time literally means getting to have some intimacy with me!

What about you though @44PumpLane ? If you don't want sex you don't have to let your husband do it to you even though you don't want it. You're as much a person as he is.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@bluebaul
Blimey! Calm down 😂
It’s am genuinely curious and fascinated by someone who has no interest in exploring the world. But no, you don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want.[/quote]
It everyone has the money to go on holiday abroad at all. We're all leading sad and depressing lives...🙄

Nah it’s not that I see wanting to travel as signs of being cool and intelligent. It’s more just the lack of curiosity to see how life functions beyond your own country that I don’t get. I suppose it’s a bit like those people who literally never live anywhere other than the village or town they grew up in. Like they don’t move away for uni or work or anything and buy a house a few doors down from their mum and dad etc. Nothing wrong with it. And yes I do get we all want different things. I just don’t understand the appeal.

It sounds like you have a good relationship. Have you been to the docs to rule out any underlying medical issues for low libido like thyroid issues? I have a thyroid problem that's nearly killed off mine

I'd do a week of villa and a week onsite. 2 weeks at Disney is full on and going to the parks every day is shattering. If you have a villa you might all choose to have a down day at the pool and you can take it in turns to watch the kids or chill with a book etc. if you have a car you could go to the beach one day. It can be nice to have time out from the Disney bubble of queuing and overpriced junk food! Even for the kids who can easily get over tired

Sex aside, I'd hate a 2 week holiday cooped up in one room with the kids and no adult time or space in the evening. What are you going to do, spend every evening whispering? Holidays are the best time to reconnect with your partner as well as your kids so I'd make space for that personally

@LuckySantangelo35 wow you have just described most people. What if you didn’t go to uni? Why would someone upsticks and move away from their family and friends and connections just to see what it’s like? It doesn’t mean you can’t learn about and appreciate other cultures.

[quote Benjispruce4]@LuckySantangelo35 wow you have just described most people. What if you didn’t go to uni? Why would someone upsticks and move away from their family and friends and connections just to see what it’s like? It doesn’t mean you can’t learn about and appreciate other cultures.[/quote]

I think this poster must rate themselves as better then others for whatever reason, be it travelling, living in a different place to their family, no doubt there are many other things. Some people just think they are better then others.

I'm absolutely content in my life though and that's all I ever want. I'm not interested in travelling the world but my special interest often falls to different cultures so I have probably learned more about this over the years than a 2 week holiday would every teach me.

I'm a bit ball fed still at someone finding it fascinating that i don't want to travel and o have concluded that it is indeed a put down.

I'm not fascinating, I just don't want to travel the world.

[quote Benjispruce4]@LuckySantangelo35 wow you have just described most people. What if you didn’t go to uni? Why would someone upsticks and move away from their family and friends and connections just to see what it’s like? It doesn’t mean you can’t learn about and appreciate other cultures.[/quote]
True, it doesn’t! Some people don’t move though just because it’s easier not to, their comfort zone, scared of the unknown etc

And some people are content and confident in their own wants and needs without needing to somehow prove it.

It’s honestly not a pit down!

But won’t say anymore as don’t want to de rail the thread 😀

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Daisy03
Why do you go to Disney “frequently”?!
See other parts of the world and different places! It’ll be good for you and your kids[/quote]
Because I own a DVC timeshare I go every second year and travel elsewhere alternate years and in between times.
But if I wanted to travel there and nowhere else that would be my choice and none of your business really

@me4real

maybe I forget that actually it would be nice for my husband to have a nice time too....and for him to have a nice time literally means getting to have some intimacy with me!

What about you though @44PumpLane ? If you don't want sex you don't have to let your husband do it to you even though you don't want it. You're as much a person as he is.

How depressing that anyone should think sex is something one person “does to” another.

I know! A sexless marriage in your thirties isn’t normal

I feel like I've maybe just lost passion and I mourn the passing of passion
Passion/libido comes and goes. There's no reason to mourn the end of an era when it probably isn't even the end.
You've got young twins and are presumably pretty knackered. That would be reason enough not for you to be ripping his clothes off now. But having said that, you really should look into other reasons, such as medication, diet or even e.g. iron deficiency. Many people assume that tiredness etc. are due to their age, put up with it for ages and then it turns out to have been their thyroid or whatever.
And maybe you're not as active as you once were? When you spend all day walking around at the speed of a toddler, it doesn't exactly leave you bouncing with vitality. Do you have regular time off from the kids? Time to go out in the fresh air and be properly active?

Plus everyone knows that you have to be in the right mood to feel sexy. But if that right mood doesn't just appear of its own accord, you can actively encourage it. Plan more time alone obviously, but also put effort into your attitude - turn off your mobile phone and TV, order in a tasty dinner, serve with candles and plenty of wine, and take a proper look at your husband - what's attractive? His smile? His voice? Talk about something other than family. Go out for the evening - to the cinema, or dancing - and get up close, lean on his shoulder, stroke his hand.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4314908-Is-maintenance-sex-yuck-or-yay?pg=4

There’s been a few threads on here in a similar vein. The gym analogy - you don’t feel
in mood but go and get into it and after are glad you did.

Its easy for intimacy to go by wayside with a busy life with small children. I’d take from it that your husband is hoping to spend some time on holiday in evenings just two of you. It’s easily accomplished by booking an apartment or villa.

maybe I forget that actually it would be nice for my husband to have a nice time too....and for him to have a nice time literally means getting to have some intimacy with me!

What about you though @44PumpLane ? If you don't want sex you don't have to let your husband do it to you even though you don't want it. You're as much a person as he is.

How depressing that anyone should think sex is something one person “does to” another.

But that's what OP was implying @Blossomtoes . She would be having sex because her husband wants it. It happens a lot and it's not good IMHO. It's unpleasant for a person to be having sex when they don't want it, becaue someone else does.

Try reading the thread linked in the post above yours @me4real. It’s not good for marriages to become sexless either.

order in a tasty dinner, serve with candles and plenty of wine

I know this kind of fancy meal is often advised for getting in the mood but something I think is key is to have sex before the meal, if you can. I'm a fan of good food and by the time I've finished with a fancy meal I tend to want nothing more strenuous than entering a food coma on the sofa.

@me4real
“ But that's what OP was implying @Blossomtoes . She would be having sex because her husband wants it. It happens a lot and it's not good IMHO. It's unpleasant for a person to be having sex when they don't want it, becaue someone else does.”

What if Op decides she never wants sex again. Should her Husband just accept that?

@gannett

order in a tasty dinner, serve with candles and plenty of wine

I know this kind of fancy meal is often advised for getting in the mood but something I think is key is to have sex before the meal, if you can. I'm a fan of good food and by the time I've finished with a fancy meal I tend to want nothing more strenuous than entering a food coma on the sofa.

True! Maybe order something light! But OTOH, getting in the mood is not something you should just do once, immediately followed by sex. It's something you need to work on over time, building up the relationship as a sexy, sensual one again - not all about who's going shopping or taking the kids to school. Looking at your partner as an attractive, interesting person. And not doing this as a chore or a way to "endure" sex - but to make your own experience really enjoyable.