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Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 07/04/2022 16:19

@Prisonbreak

We go to Disney a lot. No one has sex after a day at the parks 😂
What? That's quite a sweeping statement there. I've done Disney and Universal Studios, but must have been doing it all wrong. Confused
AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 16:20

Glad you're having a re think OP, you might surprise yourself when on holiday and relaxed, you may be glad you went with your own room. Enjoy!

rainbowandglitter · 07/04/2022 16:20

@damehelena where is the desperation though? I think it's pretty normal to want sex with your spouse and find it bizarre you see it as desperation.
Plus it's cheaper to get extra room where they can have sex so no idea where you're getting your ideas from.

Bootothegoose · 07/04/2022 16:22

I'm with DH!

Sharing a hotel room with your five year old twins sounds hellish - not a holiday! We did it once in Spain when DD was about 2 1/2 and was a fucking NIGHTMARE if we didn't stick to schedule. We managed one night not sat in the bathroom, drinking wine from 7/8. Our balcony door overlooked the pool area and if we sat out there and left the door open (didn't want to shut it) it woke DD up.

Since then we have always had an apartment style hotel or a villa. It's usually a little more out the way or more expensive but worth it's weight IN GOLD. Regardless of sex, the children will be in bed at what 9/10 at the LATEST? Get the bigger hotel room and allow yourself to have a bit of a chill evening after hectic days. If this is a sex fest or a wind down with a bag of crisps and Netflix it will only improve your sanity!

rookiemere · 07/04/2022 16:22

Are you sure transportation is still included if you stay on site OP ?

RealBecca · 07/04/2022 16:22

I don't think a family holiday to Disney is the time to address the issue. What are you both doing at home to sort it? Are you speaking to a doctor, having couples counselling?

Doing sex through gritted teeth for a few weeks is, generously, plastering over the problem.

Lovemusic33 · 07/04/2022 16:23

If it was just a couple nights I think a family room is fine but it’s 2 weeks so I think something bigger like a villa will be much better for all of you, not just for the sex but for the space, I can’t imagine spending more than 2/3 days at Disney so I’m guessing you will have time to do other things and to relax a little.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:23

I'm an active member of The Dibb, have been looking at renting DVC points also, but thanks so much for those suggestions as agree both are great ideas/resources.

I guess my view is Disney Holiday = Disney = knackered = sleep when you can

Husband thinks Disney holiday = holiday = relaxing = more time for intimacy

He has done Disney holidays before, I just think he always has energy for a bit of sex.

I do think the compelling argument for more space in general has been made so I shall have a wee look.

(Oh also he would happily do the looking, I have just been looking this week as I work on a computer).

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 07/04/2022 16:25

I'm glad someone mentioned a similar thread a couple of years ago because I'm getting massive deja vu reading these reponses. "Too tired to have sex after a theme park", "won't do him any harm to forego sex", "too hot for sex" - pretty sure they were all the other one too.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:27

rookiemere

Are you sure transportation is still included if you stay on site OP ?

You no longer get complimentary transfers from Orlando International by staying at a Disney hotel, but once on site you get complimentary buses, water taxis etc between hotels and parks and the shopping area.

OP posts:
Bootothegoose · 07/04/2022 16:28

@Prisonbreak

We go to Disney a lot. No one has sex after a day at the parks 😂
Ironically, DD was conceived on our Disneyland Trip so I do counter this.

However, she may also have been conceived in a hotel in Boca Raton where DH got racially abused but I like to discard that possibility.

bigTillyMint · 07/04/2022 16:28

All our holidays were with the kids in the room or tent when they were small. We still found ways of making it work - bathroom/kids club for an hour, etc. Would you be able to stay somewhere that offered a kids club for the odd afternoon?

MargeSimpson79 · 07/04/2022 16:29

Last time we went we spent the first week on-site and hammered the parks, then the second week in a villa and spent a lot more time relaxing. Could that be a good compromise? Surely it doesn’t have to be 2 weeks in the same place or nothing?! Loads of people do split stays.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:30

Realbecca we have tried a few things in the past, and to be honest I have a few things I want to try again- time can be an issue but time is just an excuse really isn't it. I need to make time as it's important!

Apologies for being somewhat vague but the original content of this isn't particularly outting (as demonstrated by the nearly identical but totally unrelated thread a few years ago) but if I add more specifics it may start to complete a picture!

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 07/04/2022 16:30

Do you actually want to have sex?

I’m reading this like you don’t. And that’s okay. No one should be having sex they don’t want. If you really don’t you need to be honest with your dh and see where you can go from there.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 16:30

@DameHelena
You could say that about loads of things. Alcoholic drinks cost more than soft drinks, so should he not be shelling out on beers/wine etc? Should last penny be spent on Disney stuff for the kids?! I wouldn’t tolerate that as a father or a mother

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 16:31

Is everyone so unfit that they are exhausted/ so tired/ shattered etc by standing in theme park queue and walking around in hot weather?! You’d think you were running a marathon every day the way some posters are going on!

gannett · 07/04/2022 16:36

my point is the whiff of desperation/obsession coming off this man and his stance.

Well would you not be desperate if your partner suddenly no longer wanted to have sex with you and didn't really have any answers as to why? I would be desperate - not just to have sex but to know what the problem was so I could help fix it.

I remain astonished at the amount of MNers who seem to think it's not only unreasonable but actively disgusting and pathetic if a man wants to have sex with his partner. Of course, no one should have sex that they don't want to, but if you're in a long-term relationship then taking sex off the table without any real communication or effort is a bit selfish.

I can't really diagnose why OP's libido has disappeared; all I can say is that holidays have always been where I've had more and better sex, and wanting this to happen is fairly normal.

thefootballcoacheswife · 07/04/2022 16:36

If you can afford it get ready extra room at Disney. Then hypothetically everyone wins. Though Id second whoever said think about why you don't want to have sex (which is of course fair enough and your choice) and how that makes your husband feel (which is also fair enough), and what,if anything, you want to do about that.
To me Sex is the glue that keeps everything hanging together-and its important. Worth giving it some priority anyway maybe...

roundtable · 07/04/2022 16:37

Op, personal question so you don't have to answer but are you on the pill?

I only ask as I took the pill for years before children and all was well. However I went back on it after children and I couldn't be bothered about sex although I made sure that I kept things vaguely ticking over. I thought it was having children that did it. Then when I still felt the same way years later I started to wonder if it was something else as I just didn't feel right. Came off the pill to see and within a couple of months everything seems to have returned to working order. It could be a coincidence but I don't think it is. I think my hormones were completely out of whack - there's more stuff that got better too but I won't go into details.

Anyway back to Disney - why don't you set some time aside when the kids are in bed and look through the types of accommodation you both want? Look at the pros and cons. An apartment has its perks just for being able to separate the children when they've had enough of each other. Not just for sex!

Good luck

MrsPear · 07/04/2022 16:38

@44PumpLane you have more to worry about than your holiday. Perhaps some therapy?

In answer to the question intimacy is a normal part of an adult relationship and we always have done self catering apartment holidays for privacy and quite frankly I’ve never understood the appeal of hotels with little ones.

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 07/04/2022 16:39

Imo every trip away is an opportunity that should he taken to nurture your relationship a bit!!

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 16:39

LuckySantangelo35 to be fair you do clock up the miles! Grin

Bagelsandbrie I want to want to have sex, and I do enjoy the sex we have. I think it just doesn't cross my mind to be honest, which makes me sad too really.
I like my husband, and I love him, I do miss that side of things and it seems to have slipped away a bit, but due to my inaction rather than his actions (of that makes sense). I've it's nothing he has done.

OP posts:
Skelligsfeathers · 07/04/2022 16:40

A villa is much better. We used to hit the parks early in the morning, come back to villa at hottest part of the day. The kids would splash in the pool, we would all relax. Then we went back in the evening.
We all had our own space, room to relax etc plus it was nice to get away from the madness of the parks.

Because we had the car, we could go exploring too- drive to the coast etc

Twizbe · 07/04/2022 16:43

Can I ask how old you are and what, if any, contraception you're using.

Some hormonal ones can totally nose dive your sex drive which isn't ideal.