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Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 07/04/2022 17:09

I'm with your husband. A holiday should include some time to connect as a couple, that means a room of your own. And more sex than normal if possible.

JaninaDuszejko · 07/04/2022 17:11

It's a family holiday, not a romantic getaway. Book a weekend away without the kids.

Not everyone has people to leave their DC with to have a weekend away without them. I would never stay in a hotel room with the DC for a 2 week holiday, sounds like hell and I agree with your DH, you want to have the possibility of having sex at least.

Never done Disney but when we went to Paris with our 3DC (youngest 5 at the time) we walked miles all over the city every day and DH and I still managed to have lots of sex in the evenings. We had an apartment though. Get the apartment and get the twins to bed early and spend some relaxing time together. The sex will follow.

RosesAndHellebores · 07/04/2022 17:12

Sex has never been the point of a family holiday to us. However, neither would we ever have dreamt of having a family holiday and sharing a room with the children. We only ever did EuroDisney, a zillion years ago and only stayed three nights. We still had adjoining rooms. I do recall being exhausted and can't remember if we had sex - that wasn't the point of the holiday but every holiday should hold the possibility and not in the bathroom either.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/04/2022 17:12

If you want an offsite resort Bahama Bay in Davenport had some lovely condos look on vrbo. (I love on-site but with a teen 1 room doesn’t work and increased cost onsite and no dining plan mean offsite wins for us this year)

Benjispruce4 · 07/04/2022 17:13

We had lots of holidays and short breaks with kids in the room with us. It’s not ideal but sometimes the cost of extra rooms means you just have to accept no sex. Villa hols were better but obviously more money. EuroDisney was an all in one room occasion but only 3 nights. Some men can’t think about anything else it seems, luckily DH isn’t one.

Dissimilitude · 07/04/2022 17:13

Chalk up another sympathy vote for your husband.

Also, you clearly have empathy with him and show some insight into how your lack of libido must make him feel, hopefully you can reconnect.

MargosKaftan · 07/04/2022 17:15

Do you not just shag in the hotel bathroom quietly? Think we did the one at Disney land, although to be fair we were shattered as well as the kids. Not a relaxing holiday.

theleafandnotthetree · 07/04/2022 17:16

@LuckySantangelo35

Completely agree a family holiday should have something for everyone not just the kids. I’d never use up my annual leave, fork out thousands etc if it was solely for children’s benefit- I’m a person too and deserve a holiday that has stuff I like to do just as much!
This! Frankly most modern children living in middle class/high income families have a great life, have and get to experience loads and are expected to contribute little, well into late teens. So if anything, it is the hard working parents whose money and leave are being used whose needs should be prioritised. Or at least there needs to be a balance. I would rather poke my eyes out than go to Disney, my children wouldn't be far behind me in fairness, but on any holidays we have, each day and each trip contains mutually enjoyable things, and things that each person enjoys. And no whinging from the others!
BlokeHereInPeace · 07/04/2022 17:20

Male perspective if I may.

He's sad because you are placing intimacy at the bottom of your wish list. He will be thinking that you used to proactively enjoy sex and now you don't want any. He is thinking that he is doing what he should be doing in taking an equal share of domestic responsibilities yet there is no joint affection any more.

If you don't want to have sex that's fine of course but be honest with him. If you enjoy sex when it happens then perhaps talk with him about why this might be and reassure him that you still love him and that you are aware of the difference in attitudes to sex.

theleafandnotthetree · 07/04/2022 17:20

@Benjispruce4

We had lots of holidays and short breaks with kids in the room with us. It’s not ideal but sometimes the cost of extra rooms means you just have to accept no sex. Villa hols were better but obviously more money. EuroDisney was an all in one room occasion but only 3 nights. Some men can’t think about anything else it seems, luckily DH isn’t one.
What a very smug thing to say, the OP's husband certainly doesn't sound like some sort of crazed sex pest who 'can't think about anything else', just a normal guy who wants to have sex with his lovely wife occasionally and maybe even at some stage during a 2 week holiday. I would venture to say that is perfectly healthy and normal.
Kwackerly · 07/04/2022 17:20

Re evenings when staying on site, we were always out in the evening at Disney, even if the kids were small. Usually with buggy watching fireworks or having dinner then heading back around 8-9. Lots of tired kids on the Disney buses! We used to get back to the room and just all crash- but there were times we sat by the pool for a bit with kids in the evening, and went in the hot tub to unwind. I have fond memories of sitting with a cocktail by the hot tub, chatting to all the Disney parents after a long day in the parks! Ahhh I need to go back!

Fififerry1 · 07/04/2022 17:22

Why not do one week on site and one off. We did that many moons ago and it worked well. We were all ready for the break from the general madness of Disney by the second week. The move is a bit of a faff but worth it.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/04/2022 17:23

I’m usually with your dh but we’re about to go away and I’ll have my period so maybe we might have 24 hours on non period days. I’m so annoyed as I’d worked it out it would be the week before (not that we can change the week off work). We usually have a suite or an apartment but this time have 2 hotel rooms as dc are teens.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 17:26

@Skelligsfeathers

And the thing about sex is....the more you have it, the more you want it and vice versa.
I agree
DarkDarkNight · 07/04/2022 17:27

I wish I had the energy to have sex in a Disney holiday. I just collapsed shellshocked on to my bed at the end of the day.

Have you looked at all the accommodation options? I’m sure I saw something recently that had a separate room without being a full-on suite.

MalagaNights · 07/04/2022 17:28

Disney onsite with 5 year olds is so much fun!

We did this with ours when young and we have such great memories. Even though we didn't have sex.

You both have a point.
I'd suggest a week onsite in Disney, a week off site more relaxed and more personal space, and a few adult only week ends away.

Twizbe · 07/04/2022 17:29

Get the coil out. It can really mess with your sex drive (which I suppose helps it to do its job)

SippingSipsmith · 07/04/2022 17:29

So I've been to Disney with my 7 year old twins and they were on their iPads one morning with headphones on so we had a quickie in the bathroom with the door locked WinkGrin

Just book a weekend away before Disney and get the sex done there?

theleafandnotthetree · 07/04/2022 17:30

@DarkDarkNight

I wish I had the energy to have sex in a Disney holiday. I just collapsed shellshocked on to my bed at the end of the day.

Have you looked at all the accommodation options? I’m sure I saw something recently that had a separate room without being a full-on suite.

Shellshocked....another victim of Disney to join with the ranks of with the shattered, exhausted and collapsed others. Why people, why?
HollowTalk · 07/04/2022 17:30

This is an article by one woman who had sex every day for a year - she's not the person I was thinking of, though. I think that might have been this one.

gogohm · 07/04/2022 17:34

@44PumpLane

My libido increased a lot once I had the mirena, I think it varies by person. I would speak to a medical practitioner rather than hearsay

WonderfulYou · 07/04/2022 17:34

Sorry NRTFT but from what I’ve heard about people visiting Disney is that by the end of the day you’re too exhausted to do anything but sleep.

I think for your children’s sake I would get something on site or close by for a better experience (unless you go frequently) and I would compromise and have a cheap weekend or even just a night away in the UK for just you and DH.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:35

I feel rather rude being unable to reply to everyone's comments, but please be assured I am reading them all!

dixiechickonhols I will check out Bahama Bay, I think Sheraton Vistana also do similar multi room apartments with great facilities.

I've been looking at places like Saratoga Springs and even Grand Floridian for 1 bedrooms and there is minimal availability on site via travel agents. I'll take a look direct with Disney and via independent sites as I'm mo stranger to building DIY trips rather than packages (packages just seem a little easier with COVID uncertainties at present).

Blokes perspective- accurate. We have chatted before and he knows I'd love to have the verve back!

Will continue the villa search and perhaps the split stay is a good option too! Thanks all.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 17:35

@Benjispruce4

We had lots of holidays and short breaks with kids in the room with us. It’s not ideal but sometimes the cost of extra rooms means you just have to accept no sex. Villa hols were better but obviously more money. EuroDisney was an all in one room occasion but only 3 nights. Some men can’t think about anything else it seems, luckily DH isn’t one.
Lucky you with your unbothered by sex husband
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 07/04/2022 17:37

Sex on holiday is something really good and enjoyably different,
I’m completely with your husband and would be very disappointed if there wasn’t any fun in the bedroom