Sex on holiday

[44PumpLane]

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

Are you me 😂? Except I don’t have twins. We are on holiday now…..in a 2 bedroom apartment. Eldest is now 10. The only time we have ever shared a room with the kids on holiday was 1 night in a premier inn last summer and twice on a ferry. DH point blank refuses to. Any thoughts of intimacy are however screwed (pardon the pun) if one child comes into your bed overnight. Anyway, we can afford the extra space and it’s one less thing to argue about….so I gave in early. And DH gets sex more on holiday than the rest of life.

There are rooms in the budget hotels for families with a separate bedroom or try this Cabins at Disney's Fort Wilderness Resort

Having said that I have been to Florida too many times with and without DC, the heat, the walking, the hours mean that sleep was my priority when I got to the bedroom! It is not a lazy relaxing holiday.

@Hutchy16

Two or three weeks without sex isn’t going to kill him. Staying on site is so much better than off site but not cost effective for a place big enough to have a separate room.

He will be walking in the heat for hours and hours a day, he will be too tired to think about sex lol

And people pay good money for two or three weeks of that!?! Christ, I'd rather have a stone wall built or a shed filled with crops to show for it if I was to be that hot and exhausted.

Maybe he thinks that since your drive is down at home that the break will bring it back ? I think separate rooms would probably be nicer anyway even if it's just for some wind down time

@nearlyspringyay

It's a family holiday, not a romantic getaway. Book a weekend away without the kids.

Does it have to be one or the other?! It’s not all about the KIDS! Op and her husband are the ones paying for this, taking time off work etc, they should get some enjoyment and pleasure from it as well.

@DameHelena

I don't much like the sound of him, TBH. He'd rather spend thousands of pounds more just so he can have sex? Is he a teenager?

Do only teenagers have sex? Wow . Never knew that.

@DameHelena

I don't much like the sound of him, TBH. He'd rather spend thousands of pounds more just so he can have sex? Is he a teenager?

Sounds like a normal guy who loves his wife to me. We were both over 40 when we met and would never have entertained a two week holiday without sex.

On-site prices are sky high. If you want on site apartment look at renting dvc points. Disney has larger timeshare accommodation (DVC) and people rent points. Old key west is a nice resort stayed there a few times or Animal kingdom kidani.
Offsite and car can be very good. Lots of lovely villas and condos. Plus access to offsite restaurants.
We’ve done both onsite and offsite.
I’d recommend the dibb planning site.

@2DogsOnMySofa

We got round this by putting the kids in kids club for an hour every couple of days. We'd nip back to the apartment, have an hour to ourselves and then go pick them up

What’s the point in going for a family holiday if you’re not going to spend time with your kids and pack them off to a kids club??

Obviously I don’t think like that, but there will be people on mumsnet who will!

The holiday is a red herring imo

I actually feel sorry for the husband

2 weeks in a shared hotel room with 2 tired, hot and over excited 5 year olds sounds like hell tbh

It's not just the sex, won't you want some space? Some downtime? Do you want to go to bed at the same time as your 5 Yr olds for 2 weeks?

I think a weekend to disneyland Paris fair enough, and but actually 2 weeks in just one hotel room as a whole family is very intense, and it's a bit sad to rule out sex for a full 2 week long holiday

@DameHelena
You don’t stop being a person with needs ; physical, emotional and sexual needs just because you have kids you know.

Do some women want some kind of eunuch when they have kids?

2 weeks all 4 of you in a small hotel room is very full on.
Lots of people prefer villa or condo then kids in bed and you can sit on patio/balcony and relax.

We split our time 9 nights at Disney at Old Key West and 7 nights in a villa.

We all much preferred being on site over the villa. It was so secure and we were in the Disney bubble. Transport was amazing so easy and regular. It was fabulous. I could have cried when it was time to move to the villa. Transport became a hassle and it just wasn’t as magical.
We had Disney dining and it was absolutely superb. The entire stay was just amazing. My kids were 9 & 11.
We had the 2 double bed issue and we each shared with a child so not much er action but a brilliant time!

@Carrotten

2 weeks in a shared hotel room with 2 tired, hot and over excited 5 year olds sounds like hell tbh

It's not just the sex, won't you want some space? Some downtime? Do you want to go to bed at the same time as your 5 Yr olds for 2 weeks?

I think a weekend to disneyland Paris fair enough, and but actually 2 weeks in just one hotel room as a whole family is very intense, and it's a bit sad to rule out sex for a full 2 week long holiday

Honestly this is everything I was thinking! Even if you had both decided to be celibate for the rest of your lives, I'd hate to be stuck in a small room with kids all night every night on a Disney holiday. You will definitely want time and space to yourselves after the long days. Staying on property is usually somewhat overpriced even with the perks, you'd probably get better value/adjoining rooms in a "good neighbour" hotel or a villa.

Additionally I agree that the holiday is somewhat more of a red herring, a lot of people have jumped on the husband but it sounds like he pulls his weight and isn't being totally unreasonable. Of course OP can turn down sex for whatever reason she wants, but it might be worth looking into your thoughts/feelings a bit more and what you want to happen from there.

Grimsknee
If he wants a particular kind of accommodation, why not hand it over to HIM to organise....

Well he might just do that mightn’t he?
Then everyone would be kicking off about him being controlling and trying to impose his will on OP

DameHelena
I don't much like the sound of him, TBH. He'd rather spend thousands of pounds more just so he can have sex? Is he a teenager?

It's incredibly hard for me to fairly get across anything about our relationship in such short chunks, like this thread. But to clarify it would actually cost less money to stay off site in an apartment or villa, where we would have more space and more amenities, but it's me that wants to stay on site for the "vibe" and transport options and kids being immersed in the theme of Disney.
There are options at Disney to have an additional room, like an apartment, and to be honest we can absolutely afford it. We just typically tend not to spend money quite so extravagantly. But what he actually wants is to spend less money, have more space and the possibility of intimacy really.

Littlegoth
We went to Disney without kids. We were far too knackered to have sex!

This is what I'm assuming also! :)

Comedycook
I will get a flaming for this ....but don't take your dhs fidelity for granted.

I actually agree with you, and to be honest wouldn't actually blame him if it happened (clarify: I would blame him for the deceit but not for the underlying need to go off and have sex).
We both had very high libidos when we met, his hasn't changed, mine has.

Someone mentioned me having sex I don't want, and to be honest I often do that, not because I'm pressured into it but because if I didn't we literally wouldn't have sex. I always enjoy it, I just have no desire to start if that makes sense. I wish I could have my libido back, I love my husband and he is a lovely man, I guess this is the "thing" we have an issue with.

However.....I think I shall look into the pricing of interconnecting rooms, apartments on site and apartments off site. Thanks all.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@DameHelena
You don’t stop being a person with needs ; physical, emotional and sexual needs just because you have kids you know.

Do some women want some kind of eunuch when they have kids?[/quote]
Well, I didn't say that. I just find it pretty weird that he would be willing to shell out much more money just for the chance of having sex.

rainbowandglitter, the same goes for your facetious comment –no, I don't think only teenagers have sex; my point is the whiff of desperation/obsession coming off this man and his stance.

Sparkling puts it very well: Sounds more like potentially paying a lot of money to have sex that she doesn’t want.

@Snowdropsarelovely

Honestly, after having been to Disney a few times I think you'll find that you're so exhausted by the evening that sex will be the last thing on your mind!!

yep, i have been to disney with my boyfriend a few times. I can't recall having any/much sex on those holidays!

Its a knacking trip! up early to get to parks on time, there all day, dinner then sleep!

Long term relationship issues aren't going to be solved on a family holiday with the kids.

I'd hate the extra pressure of - we've spent an extra £££ for our own room so now you have to have sex.

ManateeFair

People are being a bit harsh on your DH here, I think. He clearly really fancies you, and I can absolutely see why he feels a bit sad that you’re proposing to essentially rule out the chance of intimacy during a time when you’re away from all the pressures of home life. As for people saying ‘Disney isn’t sexy’ - I think that misses the point. It’s not about the environment you’re in. It’s more about the fact that on a family holiday (yes, even at bloody Disney) you’re having fun together, having a laugh, reconnecting a bit, and that generally makes people feel more relaxed and happy and attracted to each other. I’m not saying people are going to want to swing from the chandeliers but personally I’m more likely to feel happy to have sex on holiday if we get into bed and DP gives me a cuddle and says “Aw, it’s been such an amazing day, hasn’t it?” than I would if candles and massage were on offer.

Thank you, I feel like this captures the vibe of my husband's sadness about my not even thinking about the intimacy element.

We will have had lovely days together and he is probably hoping that leads to the cuddle maybe being more, not all the time but just sometimes.

We did Disney hotel once without kids and villa twice with kids and also villa without. I love getting into the pool with a beer or a rose after the parks and discussing the day. We'd go rope drop to fireworks and when we get home still have a 15 min dip and the relief on your feet in the water is something else. I also love the downtime as a family with our own pool, and getting into the pool of an evening just us when the kids are in bed.

We go to Disney a lot. No one has sex after a day at the parks 😂

I'm with your husband on this.

I don't specifically go away on holiday to have more sex, but more sex is part of the package. We are both more relaxed on holiday, have more time and it's one of the perks. It's one of the reasons that we stay in holiday cottages, rather than hotels. More space and more privacy.

@Prisonbreak

We go to Disney a lot. No one has sex after a day at the parks 😂

yeah sorry this is all I can think! I'd be absolutely shattered after a full day at Disney with twin 5 year olds.