Sex on holiday

[44PumpLane]

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

Try reading the thread linked in the post above yours @me4real. It’s not good for marriages to become sexless either.

I think it's really psychologically damaging for someone to have sex when they don't really want it. I don't think anyone should feel they have to do that. If a bloke would rather his wife have sex she doesn't want than be free of unwanted sex, then that's pretty disgusting.

From OP's description, her husband is being decent about the lack of sex. Nothing about him knowingly making her do anything she doesn't want. I don't think it's unreasonable of him to bring up the lack of sex as something he is unhappy with, as long as he does it in a respectful manner.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4181508-Maintenance-sex

This is another thread where people talk quite candidly. Is it don’t want to or can’t be bothered. There’s a good example where someone compares it to a child moaning about not wanting to go to dancing/cubs etc - chivvy them along saying you’ll like it when you get there. Obviously if you hate it when you get there then you’ve got problems but if like most you do enjoy it when you get there and are glad you did then a bit of a nudge like some adult time on holiday is no bad thing.
It’s very easy to let sex slip if you are busy/health issues etc and then it’s hard to get it back.
Obviously it depends on context. I don’t get impression Op’s husband is demanding sex just expressing a hope of what holiday might be like. Some adult only time isn’t unreasonable.

Get the double bed. Intimacy is important in marriage.

I don’t get impression Op’s husband is demanding sex just expressing a hope of what holiday might be like.

He is going on about it when he knows she doesn't want it. Whatever the degree of intent to coerce, it is pressuring.

@me4real

I don’t get impression Op’s husband is demanding sex just expressing a hope of what holiday might be like.

He is going on about it when he knows she doesn't want it. Whatever the degree of intent to coerce, it is pressuring.

She didn’t say that at all. She said he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship.

@me4real

I don’t get impression Op’s husband is demanding sex just expressing a hope of what holiday might be like.

He is going on about it when he knows she doesn't want it. Whatever the degree of intent to coerce, it is pressuring.

If your partner takes sex off the table with no real explanation, is discussion also off the table?

No one should have sex they don't want to - this is non-negotiable. However if you want or need to halt your sex life indefinitely, you have a responsibility to communicate what you're going through (and when it might improve) to your partner, if you still love them, rather than entering a vicious cycle of constant rejection.

I hardly think expressing a preference for sleeping arrangements on a 14 day holiday can be described as "going on about it".
We don't know if he has even told OP that's the reason he doesn't want to share a small room with 2 DC for 14 nights - many posters have outlined other reasons as well as lack of sex as to why this arrangement might be suboptimal for them.

DW has never wanted sex on holiday or honeymoon sorry to derail..

I completely get what the thoughts are on accommodation here. We often have gone for a studio apartment. But then by about night 2 of the holiday regretted it!! Especially after too much wine and flirting! Once the kids move above being babies, if you can afford it suggest separate rooms. Everyone will appreciate the space not just for natural holiday needs...
This summer we have booked an apartment with a separate bedroom. As our kids are getting older I am not sure we can get away with under the duvet behaviour, and when on holiday and relaxed I am not sure I can cope with 14 nights away and nothing! But maybe if I was walking miles in Disney would be too tired and be more interested in a hot bath and foot massage .