Daughter suddenly wants abortion

[Louismayy]

Dd ex has gotten into her head regarding abortion… she’s officially 18 weeks and has doubts about the pregnancy but has also shown much interest into being the best mum she can possibly be she’s about to turn 22 so she’s really young and still has a whole life ahead of her. She was having this mentality of I can do everything I’ll meet a guy who wants both of us now she thinks she’s at a massive disadvantage after speaking to him she seems to think she will only meet less good quality men… I don’t know what he’s done to her but she wants a termination. He in my opinion is a narcissist and very manipulative individual who is using her fears and insecurities against her. He was very verbally abusive to her he was also very good at playing mind games with her and getting every penny he can from her… her situation isn’t ideal with five of us living in a two bedroom house and now to be six but we had sorted how we could make the situation work. She’s now speaking on it’s going to ruin her education and she won’t have a penny to herself. It was just this sudden click after him speaking to her for over two hours and I can’t help but feel he’s done something to her head.

For some women it will be a trauma, for some a relief, for some both.

[quote PinkQuartz]@Hertsgirl10

No I won’t bore off for having an opinion. This is mumsnet. You’ll find a few on here.[/quote]
@PinkQuartz
I can see that you’re one of those ‘I must get the last word in to internet stranger’ types so just crack on.

😂

@Hertsgirl10

It’s called a debate dear. Generally does involve back and forth discussions.

[quote PinkQuartz]@Hertsgirl10

It’s called a debate dear. Generally does involve back and forth discussions.[/quote]
@PinkQuartz

OP wasn’t asking anyone to debate, dear.

I had a late term medical termination at 22 and about the same gestation and it was HELL. My life hasn't been the same since and I've had multiple breakdowns. Although it was forced and not out of my choice. It really isn't the same as an early one, it was comparable to full term birth.

@Hertsgirl10

She was asking for opinions….. which guess what? are debatable.

[quote PinkQuartz]@Hertsgirl10

She was asking for opinions….. which guess what? are debatable.[/quote]
@PinkQuartz

Advice not opinions.

And all you’ve done is derail this thread with your constant bullshit.

Thehundredthnamechange

At 18 weeks, an abortion will be absolutely horrific. It will be thoroughly traumatic. I can't believe abortions are even allowed at this stage. The poor girl. I'd really try to dissuade her.“

In your opinion. I wouldn’t have wanted one at that stage either.

You really do need to understand, though, that this situation isn’t about you, me or OP. It’s about her daughter, who deserves love and support in a non-judgement way if she decides that that’s the way ahead for her, in her individual circumstances.

(The procedure will be no more “horrific” for her than it would be at any other stage. She will be anaesthetised, as I was at 8 weeks, 40 odd years ago)

@MrsSkylerWhite

Thehundredthnamechange

At 18 weeks, an abortion will be absolutely horrific. It will be thoroughly traumatic. I can't believe abortions are even allowed at this stage. The poor girl. I'd really try to dissuade her.“

In your opinion. I wouldn’t have wanted one at that stage either.

You really do need to understand, though, that this situation isn’t about you, me or OP. It’s about her daughter, who deserves love and support in a non-judgement way if she decides that that’s the way ahead for her, in her individual circumstances.

(The procedure will be no more “horrific” for her than it would be at any other stage. She will be anaesthetised, as I was at 8 weeks, 40 odd years ago)

I would add that I imagine it won’t be any more ‘horrific’ than birthing an unwanted baby to an emotionally abusive man.

I don’t think it’s ideal. As I said I had my babies as a teen so obviously I’m not pushing abortion, I wouldn’t want one myself. However in some cases I think it’s the best choice. If someone doesn’t want a baby what’s the good of them having a baby?

@MrsSkylerWhite

Thehundredthnamechange

At 18 weeks, an abortion will be absolutely horrific. It will be thoroughly traumatic. I can't believe abortions are even allowed at this stage. The poor girl. I'd really try to dissuade her.“

In your opinion. I wouldn’t have wanted one at that stage either.

You really do need to understand, though, that this situation isn’t about you, me or OP. It’s about her daughter, who deserves love and support in a non-judgement way if she decides that that’s the way ahead for her, in her individual circumstances.

(The procedure will be no more “horrific” for her than it would be at any other stage. She will be anaesthetised, as I was at 8 weeks, 40 odd years ago)

I disagree and feel that anyone should be dissuaded from aborting at this stage unless there are very good reasons why they need to. Someone 'on the fence' like OPs daughter will probably have a far harder time dealing with it and a much bigger chance of regret. I know nobody who has aborted at this stage who isn't traumatized by it - not only the procedure but the reality of how developed the baby was when they did this. I hate that in modern society, abortion is such a sensitive topic that we have to pretend it's all fine and great and cheer them on to the point of not even giving much needed advice and support, and not being allowed to say the truth. At 18 weeks, it is too late to abort unless absolutely necessary and if OP's daughter doesn't regret it already, she will probably really struggle with it in the future. ESPECIALLY because it sounds like she's not making the decision for herself, but rather a spur of the moment decision due to stress and anxiety.

24 weeks is an arbitrary cut off point and abortion laws are only based on the opinions of certain people anyway. There is a cut off point for everyone and its not always based on the law. What matters is that this young woman won't be traumatised through making this decision at eighteen weeks, even if its legal and within her rights. If she had never wanted the baby there would be less of a risk of that, but wanting a baby and experiencing the pregnancy for that long and then making this decision quickly seems like it could really be damaging for her. I agree she needs counselling ASAP to see if this is what she really wants deep down or if she has been swayed. She sounds very scared poor girl.

I disagree and feel that anyone should be dissuaded from aborting at this stage unless there are very good reasons why they need to. Someone 'on the fence' like OPs daughter will probably have a far harder time dealing with it and a much bigger chance of regret. I know nobody who has aborted at this stage who isn't traumatized by it - not only the procedure but the reality of how developed the baby was when they did this. I hate that in modern society, abortion is such a sensitive topic that we have to pretend it's all fine and great and cheer them on to the point of not even giving much needed advice and support, and not being allowed to say the truth. At 18 weeks, it is too late to abort unless absolutely necessary and if OP's daughter doesn't regret it already, she will probably really struggle with it in the future. ESPECIALLY because it sounds like she's not making the decision for herself, but rather a spur of the moment decision due to stress and anxiety.

Then it’s just as well she’s not under your influence (if indeed she exists and this is not actually a wind them up and watch them go troll thread). She’s a woman that needs support, not an opportunity to advance your agenda.

You really don’t know enough about this woman to say either way whether it’s the right decision for her. That’s why she needs neutral counseling to help her decide what course of action is right for her. That may be abortion, or it may not be. That’s for her to decide, no one else.

Just because you don’t personally know anyone that hasn’t regretted a late term abortion doesn’t mean they don’t exist (hell, there’s at least one in this thread you’ve ignored), as you know. The plural of anecdote is not data. Abortion may cause trauma, it may not. It may cause trauma, but a lesser trauma than one experienced by being compelled to go through an unwanted pregnancy. No one can predict what someone else will feel, and we shouldn’t try to. What we should do is respect the rights of people to make their own choices in such matters, even if we may think they’re wrong. We’re not the ones that have to live their lives or live with the decisions they make.

I hate that in modern society, abortion is such a sensitive topic that we have to pretend it's all fine and great

Do we? I’m not pretending, and you seem to be fairly free with your opinion. Although this is the classic pro life persecution complex. Disagreeing with your opinion isn’t shutting you up or preventing you from having it (clearly, because here you are). It’s not some great conspiracy theory, you’re just salty because you’re being disagreed with.

and not being allowed to say the truth

What truth would that be? Again with the complex. You have an opinion, you’re not endowed with some great access to universal truth.

@whumpthereitis

Does the risk of trauma being the result of an action, mean that people shouldn’t be free to choose said action, even in spite of that risk? There’s an assumption here that trauma is always unavoidable, but sometimes it’s not. What if the choice is between greater and lesser trauma? What then? What if the trauma of continuing an unwanted pregnancy would be greater than the trauma of having a late term abortion? Given that no one can look into the future and make decisions in retrospect, a woman facing that situation needs to make the best decision she can make, for herself, at the time. That also means accepting the risk of future regret. As the one who is going to have to live with the impact of her choices, she has that freedom and that right.

Anyway, anti abortionists who bang the trauma drum aren’t usually consistent. First of all, apparently any trauma a woman may feel as a result of going through an unwanted pregnancy is either irrelevant or acceptable, and secondly, it only ever seems to be a bad thing when used to try and dissuade a woman from having an abortion. If a woman goes ahead and has an abortion, trauma seems to be considered the right, proper, and optimal outcome. Just take a look at the reaction to women who choose abortion and have the audacity to not feel bad about it.

This is true. Giving birth can be extremely traumatic - it doesn't always go smoothly. My sister only narrowly survived an ectopic pregnancy and that certainly affected her for a few years afterwards. Many essential life-saving procedures can be traumatic too. My grandma needed her leg amputating while she was still a young woman and while that was done to save her life it was still a distressing experience for her. Sometimes the best choice is a traumatic choice. The important thing is to make sure it truly is a choice, and no one is being coerced or pressured in one direction or the other.

[quote WeDontShutUpAboutBruno]@Knockdown43 your agenda is very clear, the sooner your post gets taken down, the better.

When dishing out views on the internet, you may wish to do a bit of research first instead of intentionally traumatising someone, who is already struggling, with misinformation. You people are twisted.[/quote]
FYI that’s a legit story and personal account of someone’s experience.
Baby was aborted, born alive and left to die. It still happens.
Putting your head in the sand about it doesn’t help anyone.

@titchy search failed abortions nhs it might surprise you

@Knockdown43 blatantly lying doesn't help anyone either.

As I say, your agenda is clear, and your contribution to the thread is twisted.

[quote WeDontShutUpAboutBruno]@Knockdown43 blatantly lying doesn't help anyone either.

As I say, your agenda is clear, and your contribution to the thread is twisted.[/quote]
@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno
Prove I’m lying. There are research papers on this. You’re lying to yourself by suggesting this doesn’t happen.

HNRTFT but if it was my daughter I would recommend counselling before any decisions !
TBH I would be really concerned if she had a termination and pretty heartbroken but would keep my thoughts to myself .

Prove I’m lying. There are research papers on this. You’re lying to yourself by suggesting this doesn’t happen.

Actually given that you’re the one that made the assertion, can you prove you’re correct? You reference research papers, so feel free to provide them.

I’ve had a google and found reference to 66 being alive after termination in 2007. This was revealed in the first study that looked at the issue. You do realize that, for a proportion, this is on purpose? You’re talking about wanted pregnancies that are being terminated due to medical reasons. so the parents are offered the choice as to whether they want to have an abortion procedure, or live birth induced (also an abortion, but with an obvious difference). This is also why intervention is not given, because it would be fruitless.

www.oaa-anaes.ac.uk/assets/_managed/editor/File/Reports/2007_Perinatal_mortality.pdf

This is the report, btw.

Anyway, from what I can see, guidance has since been updated, and I haven’t seen statistics for later years. The bottom line though is, it’s a vanishingly rare occurrence, certainly not a ‘likelihood’.

You’re pushing stories with an obvious agenda. At least be honest about it.

Prove I’m lying

🤔 I think @whumpthereitis pretty much covered it.

Thankfully your post has now been deleted.