Daughter suddenly wants abortion

[Louismayy]

Dd ex has gotten into her head regarding abortion… she’s officially 18 weeks and has doubts about the pregnancy but has also shown much interest into being the best mum she can possibly be she’s about to turn 22 so she’s really young and still has a whole life ahead of her. She was having this mentality of I can do everything I’ll meet a guy who wants both of us now she thinks she’s at a massive disadvantage after speaking to him she seems to think she will only meet less good quality men… I don’t know what he’s done to her but she wants a termination. He in my opinion is a narcissist and very manipulative individual who is using her fears and insecurities against her. He was very verbally abusive to her he was also very good at playing mind games with her and getting every penny he can from her… her situation isn’t ideal with five of us living in a two bedroom house and now to be six but we had sorted how we could make the situation work. She’s now speaking on it’s going to ruin her education and she won’t have a penny to herself. It was just this sudden click after him speaking to her for over two hours and I can’t help but feel he’s done something to her head.

@Malibuismysecrethome

I agree with *@Ilovemy3boys* an 18 week termination may still be legal but it is half way through a pregnancy and should have been done sooner. Just because it is legal doesn’t make it morally right. It is a fully formed baby.

No it is not. Comments like this are not helpful or productive.

Then you’re not pro choice.

OP I am sorry this thread has been derailed into a pro or anti late stage abortion debate. I won't share my opinion here.

Whatever happens your daughter is going to need her mum. If the problem is coercive ex you need to provide lots of emotional support so she has a strong relationship to scaffold herself to. I would avoid telling her your opinion on what she should do. Just show her how much you love her and let her know you will stick by her. Hopefully she will then gain the strength of mind to make a careful, well informed decision.

Good luck

IIRC the DD was duped/guilted into pregnancy by a mentally unstable male best friend who was distraught at his ex terminating a pregnancy? Maybe the DD has just come to realise what 18 years of being tied to this prick actually means, and maybe she’s realised she doesn’t actually want a baby yet. Don’t pressure her OP this must be her decision.

It's your DD's decision OP. Not yours or anyone else's.

Her body, her choice.

I expressed an opinion on an open forum. Since the Life magazine photos in April 1965 we have been able to see that at 18 weeks it is a fully formed foetus. Controversial for those who disagree but no arguing that it is just a bunch of cells.

Of course, you're going to support her no matter what, but from what you've mentioned I believe that he played into her inner fears. Tell her to not make any decision before having at least one emergency counselling session to help her understand her own feelings, emotions, hormones, fears, excitement etc.

As for the "lower" quality of men... that's a myth! When you're older and more mature (by being a mother), you meet someone who will respect you and accept you and your family. I've got many examples to give, if you want DM me to tell you more. Hugs to you Xxx

Get her to BPAS or similar asap to speak to a counsellor. TOP may be the right thing for her

It may not be ready to be born but it is fully formed

These are the developments a foetus makes after the 18 week mark and are not formed beforehand:-

• eyes will start to turn forwards
• ears will grow
• the uterus starts to form
• the vaginal canal starts to form
• the sucking reflex develops
• eyebrows develop
• lung development (to enable survival outside the mother) begins
• eyes can open

So whilst you may feel for yourself that you would not abort at 18 weeks, it is factually incorrect to say that the foetus is fully formed at that point.

Can someone start a late abortion discussion thread and shift this elsewhere? Strangers’ perceptions of morality and decency are not what the OP needs. This thread is about her DD, it’s not the place for this discussion.

I think the majority of posters are missing the point here.

OP your daughter desperately and urgently needs counselling. I’d be worried too at a sudden about face after two hours listening to an emotionally abusive man. Unfortunately you’re also invested in the situation so can’t be the person to work her through it.

She needs someone professional and detached. She needs to know all her options. She needs to know you will support her whatever she wants to do. She doesn’t need anyone AT ALL laying their emotions on her.

Whatever decision she then makes will be the right one.

Loon.

@passport123

Get her to BPAS or similar asap to speak to a counsellor. TOP may be the right thing for her

BPAS are fab but she needs properly qualified counsellors which they unfortunately don't have. MSIchoices are the only provider that does. All members of BACP too.

I think she urgently needs unbiased, sensitive counselling to explore her feelings, and to inform her exactly what her choices are. When she says she wants an abortion, is what I said above what she is prepared for, or does she think she’ll just go to sleep, wake up and not be pregnant and not be pregnant any more?

@Malibuismysecrethome

Bernadette..... It may not be ready to be born but it is fully formed. It’s funny how women can’t access other medical procedures but the NHS will perform a late abortion. I am as equally entitled to my opinion as you are to yours. Please don’t patronise me.

It’s funny how women can’t access other medical procedures but the NHS will perform a late abortion.

Just wow

@Louismayy I hope your dd does what she needs, gets the support and makes the decision thats best for her

Ah shit. This is not a nice situation for her to be in. I second the suggestion of getting her to go and talk through her options with a counselor from one of the abortion clinics.
An abortion at 19 or 20 weeks is quite simply a different medical procedure to an abortion at 6weeks. She needs to understand what the experience of an abortion will be like for her at this gestation in order to make an informed decision. The counselors at an abortion clinic are ideally placed to explain this to her factually and without revealing any opinions of their own. Her fears around having a child are all totally legitimate, as is not wanting to be tied to her ex for the next 2 decades.
Sometimes both choices are horrible. Your DD will have to decide which horrible choice she prefers.

The stage of development of the fetus is irrelevant. She’s legally within the time limit and can, thankfully, access abortion is she so chooses to.

Also irrelevant are the morals of anyone else that isn’t this particularly girl. She’s the only one that gets to have an opinion over her own pregnancy.

[quote strawberrycheesecake1989]@titchy

Do you read the shite you right?

It’s a forum. People are entitled to comment. It’s literally the function of this website. You sound inexperienced and you clearly have never had a child. Go away now.[/quote]
Lol. I'm mid 50s with two grown up children. And pro-choice. Seems the pro-life brigade have tried to take over with their 'Ooh but at 18 weeks it's got little fingers and toes and everything' - like that's even remotely relevant.

She is right though in what she says imo. You say it will be 6 of you in a 2 bed house - what were you and she thinking earlier? This is a late decision and while I am very pro abortion I cringe a bit at the lateness of this decision. It has to be her decision as it will be her life.

How long has the ex known about her being pregnant?

He’s absolutely right.
Being a young, single mum is hard and her education, career, friends, lifestyle and future partner will be impacted by her having a baby.

However this could be just nerves which every young pregnant person gets.

I agree with a PP that you need to stay very neutral and tell her not to make any sudden decisions.

She needs to weigh up her pros and cons and decide but either way she may regret her decision.

Who’s a forced birthed? Talk about using emotive language and being irrelevant.

Very few of any of us actually know the visceral reality of any operation or medical procedure we undertake, elective or not.

I could have watched numerous YT videos about my recent medical procedure, but did not do so as it would ‘over-gore’ & heighten my natural anxieties about the operation. That ‘revulsion’ response is natural & I had enough sense not to self sabotage what was an essential procedure.

So, to the point, in this instance bringing the detail of what a