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Original poster

Daughter suddenly wants abortion

221 replies

Louismayy · 06/04/2022 19:48

Dd ex has gotten into her head regarding abortion… she’s officially 18 weeks and has doubts about the pregnancy but has also shown much interest into being the best mum she can possibly be she’s about to turn 22 so she’s really young and still has a whole life ahead of her. She was having this mentality of I can do everything I’ll meet a guy who wants both of us now she thinks she’s at a massive disadvantage after speaking to him she seems to think she will only meet less good quality men… I don’t know what he’s done to her but she wants a termination. He in my opinion is a narcissist and very manipulative individual who is using her fears and insecurities against her. He was very verbally abusive to her he was also very good at playing mind games with her and getting every penny he can from her… her situation isn’t ideal with five of us living in a two bedroom house and now to be six but we had sorted how we could make the situation work. She’s now speaking on it’s going to ruin her education and she won’t have a penny to herself. It was just this sudden click after him speaking to her for over two hours and I can’t help but feel he’s done something to her head.

OP posts:
expat101 · 06/04/2022 22:26

If it was my DD and our circumstances, I would be taking her away for a few days and away from contact with the ex.

I too would be very concerned DD has changed her mind after a 2 hour call from him. Encourage her to leave her phone at home and go somewhere for some nice walks. Somewhere neutral.

dfendyr · 06/04/2022 22:26

@Malibuismysecrethome

Who’s a forced birthed? Talk about using emotive language and being irrelevant.
If you believe that abortion is wrong, and shouldn't be allowed, then you are a forced birther.

Just because it is legal doesn’t make it morally right. It is a fully formed baby. this is what you said, so you believe it is wrong for a woman to terminate her pg based on how far along she is. ( I'm extrapolating here)

I'm personally not keen on late abortions, so I won't have one. I'll fight tooth and nail for another woman to have one if she wants.

whumpthereitis · 06/04/2022 22:26

Of course people are free to share their opinions on an open forum, but being free to do something doesn’t mean that 1, you necessarily should, and 2, that anyone’s obliged to care about it. If I wanted to go post about string theory in someone’s thread about their divorce I would be being entirely irrelevant, and would probably be told to fuck off. Time and place and all that.

The fact is that it’s not at all ‘too late’ for her to have an abortion. Legally she can do just that. Some posters may not like the idea of her doing so, but to say ‘18 weeks is too late for an abortion’ is straight up wrong.

Anyone else’s personal moral code is also big whoop-de-fucking-do because no one else, no matter how they feel about it, gets to impose that on this girl. It’s her decision and hers alone.

Momijin · 06/04/2022 22:34

If it was my child, I would support her with watch ever decision she wanted.

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/04/2022 22:37

dfendry you are making assumptions or ‘extrapolating’. I am not in favour of late term abortion except for medical reasons. I disagree with as late as you want and feel the procedure should be done as early as possible. I am not apologising for my view.

Porcupineintherough · 06/04/2022 22:47

If she is pregnant by a manipulative narcissist then a termination would mean she doesnt have be tied to him for the rest of her life. It would also spare her child that experience.

WonderfulYou · 06/04/2022 22:53

I would ask her to speak to her midwife too.

I remember when I was pregnant and even though my ex wasn’t involved in my life at all the midwife was very good at speaking to me about any concerns I have of him and if he’s having any influence over my decision etc.

My sister who was happily married when she was pregnant also had similar conversations with her midwife so they are usually very understanding of how some men can be so they may be better at unpicking her thinking and whether it’s just the ex manipulating her or not.

Hertsgirl10 · 06/04/2022 23:10

@PinkQuartz

Oh yes, it is absolutely fully formed. I am pro choice but only up to a maximum of 12 weeks.

A balanced approach is needed for both mothers and unborn babies, and women have ample time to abort (which should be way before 18 weeks). Legally ok, not ethically.

@PinkQuartz

Sorry to break it to you but you’re not pro choice at all.

ThreeLocusts · 06/04/2022 23:20

As PP have said, she definitely still can abort. OP you sound like you would welcome the baby, but better to set that sentiment aside.

The biggest problem with the baby - fetus, at this point- appears to be the father. If you want her to continue the pregnancy, you need to get that shithead out of her hair. If that cannot be done, an abortion may well be the be better choice.

Sorry you face such difficult decisions. Please support your daughter to make up her own mind. All the best.

Hertsgirl10 · 06/04/2022 23:23

@Malibuismysecrethome

Who’s a forced birthed? Talk about using emotive language and being irrelevant.
@Malibuismysecrethome

Literally every single one of your comments have been irrelevant to what the original post is about, go and start a thread about when you think a women should be able to abort and stop trying to be controversial, it’s boring and not helpful.
Not one person cares if YOU think a 18 wk pregnancy should not end in termination or adopted out.

This post isn’t about that, it’s about a young woman that’s in a shit situation and likely being coerced into terminating the pregnancy, perhaps against her will.
But you won’t shut up about your opinion that you think everyone needs to hear, no one does and you’re just making the situation worse with your opinions and wrong facts.
The OP is the grandmother of this potential baby, and sounds like she wants to the baby to be born, she doesn’t need to hear about tiny fingers and the other stuff you’re saying.
You can switch off tonight and forget this thread, she is living it so how about you keep your opinions on a thread that’s about pretending to be pro choice or what ever is you’re doing.

Viviennemary · 06/04/2022 23:29

Its far too late for that. Her life isn't at risk. I think her mental health would be at great risk if she goes ahead with this late stage termination.

whumpthereitis · 06/04/2022 23:30

@Malibuismysecrethome

dfendry you are making assumptions or ‘extrapolating’. I am not in favour of late term abortion except for medical reasons. I disagree with as late as you want and feel the procedure should be done as early as possible. I am not apologising for my view.
Jesus Christ. What is it with pro lifers and persecution complexes? No one asked to you apologise, and I doubt anyone particularly cares if you do or don’t. People calling your opinion wank is not oppressing you.

All anyone has actually said is that she is absolutely not too late to access abortion. She’s weeks within the legal time frame.

Hertsgirl10 · 06/04/2022 23:46

@Viviennemary

Its far too late for that. Her life isn't at risk. I think her mental health would be at great risk if she goes ahead with this late stage termination.
@Viviennemary

It’s too late for that … in your opinion.

It’s not about what you think, the post is for getting advice not what Viv off MN thinks.

MissMaple82 · 07/04/2022 00:05

I think its far too late to be considering abortion also. She should of considered this early on. I suspect its just the usual cold feet. It will pass!

MissMaple82 · 07/04/2022 00:08

This reply has been deleted

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codeVeronica · 07/04/2022 00:10

@MissMaple82

There really is no excuses for terminations so far into gestation other than medical reasons.
Thankfully the law disagrees with you.
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 07/04/2022 00:12

@MissMaple82

There really is no excuses for terminations so far into gestation other than medical reasons.
"I don't wish to have a baby" is an absolutely valid 'excuse'.
PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 07/04/2022 01:06

@MissMaple82

There really is no excuses for terminations so far into gestation other than medical reasons.
Thankfully not only the law disagrees with you, many others do too.

Including me.

This thread is genuinely worrying.

fallfallfall · 07/04/2022 01:11

22 is hardly young, does she have a developmental delay?

FlissyPaps · 07/04/2022 01:22

@fallfallfall

22 is hardly young, does she have a developmental delay?
Bit rude to ask something like this. If it was relevant, I’m sure OP would have mentioned it in their first post.

22 isn’t as young as having a baby at 15/16. But 22 is still young. Most people at 22 still live with their parents.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2022 01:27

@MissMaple82

There really is no excuses for terminations so far into gestation other than medical reasons.
@MissMaple82

Why does the OP need an excuse? Why are you so lacking in imagination, empathy, a basic grasp of the law??? Are you offering babysitting? Happy to help pay for this baby?

whumpthereitis · 07/04/2022 01:33

@MissMaple82

I think its far too late to be considering abortion also. She should of considered this early on. I suspect its just the usual cold feet. It will pass!
About as helpful and as relevant as coming into the thread to declare ‘I like cheese!’.

It absolutely is not too late, she’s still within the legal time frame. Thankfully she does not have to stand in front of you to justify herself. If she decides that abortion is the right thing for her, she can access it.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 07/04/2022 02:19

I think she should talk to BPAS. They are great.

I had a late term abortion and didn't find it upsetting at all. I didn't want a baby, so the procedure was just something I had to go through in my eyes.

I was on the pill, never took a break etc. So by the time I realised I was pregnant I was fairly far along.

8londie · 07/04/2022 08:15

If an abortion is needed at 18 weeks, that's better than bringing a born child into the world who is unwanted, neglected etc. So yes, sometimes it's the best option in a bad scenario.

But at the same time, I feel like people who say they are pro-choice are really pro-abortion. If this was about a young woman who kept a baby in a bad situation instead, I feel like people would be less sympathetic of her choice, and instead start banging on about life being ruined etc.

Pro choice means respecting both choices. I once remember reading a thread where op stressed it was a wanted baby and she was looking for living/relationship advice and people were suggesting termination.

She needs counselling. I don't feel like anyone pushing for an abortion is really any 'better' than those against it. It should be objective and op, your daughter needs to talk with a professional at this stage of the pregnancy.

Luciea19 · 07/04/2022 08:50

Maybe she could see a counsellor? Maybe she needs to write out pros and cons of how she wants her life to be. It’s hard but it’s her life. She doesn’t want to regret what ever way she turns. I think the important thing is not to rush a decision based on conversation with others. She is clearly being affected by others opinions and maybe is confused about what she wants.

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