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Original poster

Upset by his choice of ring

222 replies

Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:52

Right....I'm a bit of a lover of jewellery, never had anything nice except for my mum's diamond ring after she passed.
I have had a Pinterest board for years fantasied about having a lovely one maybe one day.
So my boyfriend said he intended proposing but when he did I was very underwhelmed because what he has chosen is not what I had in mind. It's tiny and looks a bit naff on my fat fingers.
He told me he'd spent a grand on it which surprised me and I would have much rather he bought second hand I knew my thoughts on this but said he wanted new.
I saw the receipt and it cost 600 so I felt put out he'd not been truthful.
To be honest I'm embarrassed when people ask to see my ring.
After all this before I get shot down, I love him and accepted it gracefully and have not said anything to him because I know it's about marrying him and not the ring! I'm just disappointed he knows my passion but didn't think about my feelings in this and I have to wear it forever.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 13:54

If you’ve got such a great relationship, I would tell him you want to swap the ring. I doubt he chose it thinking you wouldn’t like it.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 06/04/2022 13:54

Well, the bottom line here is that you have two choices: you either tell him, or you don't.

Cluelessat32 · 06/04/2022 13:56

I'm sorry but it's a ring? I'm struggling to find the issue. Perhaps the issue is elsewhere.

Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:56

True, I just don't want to look like I'm ungrateful. I like it but it just doesn't look right on me.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 13:57

@Carat555

True, I just don't want to look like I'm ungrateful. I like it but it just doesn't look right on me.
So say that.
Tittyfilarious · 06/04/2022 13:58

It's a ring ,I think the important thing here is that he proposed and made an effort to choose a ring for you

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 06/04/2022 13:58

@Carat555

True, I just don't want to look like I'm ungrateful. I like it but it just doesn't look right on me.
Then say so. To him!
SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 06/04/2022 13:58

Do you want help with what to say?

Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:58

I don't want to offend him

OP posts:
Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:59

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

Do you want help with what to say?
Yes please
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 14:00

You just say what you wrote. You like it but it doesn’t sit right on your fingers. Then you can choose one together.

SoManyTshirts · 06/04/2022 14:01

Say it. I had a rubbish engagement ring, Argos finest with a really bad quality flawed diamond. Hated it every day.

They will always swap engagement rings in the first few days in case you say no.

But …do you really want to marry someone who lies about money to guilt-trip you into accepting something you wouldn’t have chosen?

Tittyfilarious · 06/04/2022 14:02

Perhaps tell him that the wedding ring you have in mind won't really go with the engagement ring he chose so you'd like to change it for 1 that will .

Wnkingawalrus · 06/04/2022 14:03

But …do you really want to marry someone who lies about money to guilt-trip you into accepting something you wouldn’t have chosen?

Maybe he was embarrassed he couldn’t afford more?

Shinyandnew1 · 06/04/2022 14:03

I need to speak to you about the ring-it’s lovely that you chose one on your own, but it’s really not the style I wanted and I’d like to go and choose something together.

PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 14:03

But …do you really want to marry someone who lies about money to guilt-trip you into accepting something you wouldn’t have chosen?

Guilt tripping the op into accepting it is a leap.

bluebaul · 06/04/2022 14:03

He lied to you, that's surely a bigger issue here?

sleepyhoglet · 06/04/2022 14:04

He's got the receipt- return it and be honest. If he can't take e honesty then it doesn't bode well

MichelleScarn · 06/04/2022 14:06

@Wnkingawalrus

But …do you really want to marry someone who lies about money to guilt-trip you into accepting something you wouldn’t have chosen?

Maybe he was embarrassed he couldn’t afford more?

Possibly this? What are the rings on your Pinterest board like? Has he seen them and are they all worth thousands?
Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:07

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it

OP posts:
Alarae · 06/04/2022 14:07

It doesn't sound like he may be able to get a ring in a size you like though, unfortunately even second hand diamond rings tend to be expensive in the UK (one reason I would love to go pawn shop hunting in USA).

Could you perhaps approach him and say you love him, proposal etc but that you would like to perhaps choose another ring as it isn't your style? You can also suggest contributing to the cost of another ring if needs be.

I appreciate it is the 'thought that counts' but surely the gift giver would want you to have something you love? I would rather a recipient of a gift I give exchanged it for something they would enjoy rather than get stuck with something disappointing.

PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 14:07

Has he seen your Pinterest board? What did you tell him about what you wanted?

PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 14:08

@Carat555

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it
Maybe he thought you would like it?

If you genuinely think he chose something you wouldn’t like, why would you say yes?

SerendipitySunshine · 06/04/2022 14:10

Can you say it doesn't fit and find one you like better at the same price point?

mistermagpie · 06/04/2022 14:11

How much is the ring you actually want? If it's thousands and his budget was £600 then you are being a bit unreasonable. £600 is still a fair chunk of money for a ring I think. But if you can find something you like for that budget then do it and show it to him, most (nice) men would just want you to have the ring that makes you happy.

Nothing wrong with wanting what you want in my opinion either, which is why I do think it's a bit insane for men to choose the ring in the first place when they aren't going to be wearing it. My DH proposed with a haribo and we picked my ring together. I'm quite a savvy second-hand and online shopper and we got exactly what I wanted for half what you'd pay in a high street shop, I would have felt a bit sick if he'd spent all that money and I didn't even like it.