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Original poster

Upset by his choice of ring

222 replies

Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:52

Right....I'm a bit of a lover of jewellery, never had anything nice except for my mum's diamond ring after she passed.
I have had a Pinterest board for years fantasied about having a lovely one maybe one day.
So my boyfriend said he intended proposing but when he did I was very underwhelmed because what he has chosen is not what I had in mind. It's tiny and looks a bit naff on my fat fingers.
He told me he'd spent a grand on it which surprised me and I would have much rather he bought second hand I knew my thoughts on this but said he wanted new.
I saw the receipt and it cost 600 so I felt put out he'd not been truthful.
To be honest I'm embarrassed when people ask to see my ring.
After all this before I get shot down, I love him and accepted it gracefully and have not said anything to him because I know it's about marrying him and not the ring! I'm just disappointed he knows my passion but didn't think about my feelings in this and I have to wear it forever.

OP posts:
RoseyOldCrow · 06/04/2022 14:14

You mention your DM's ring - would you consider taking that to a jeweller & having the diamond(s) reset into a new engagement ring, with the metal also reused as the basis of this?
The money from your almost-fiancé may well be enough to cover labour costs plus any additional metal.

(I presume that you actually do want to marry him, despite this misjudgment?)

sjxoxo · 06/04/2022 14:15

Mine was from his grandma - lovely sentiment but I hated the style. I told him, we bought another. I love it! I still have the original one but it’s not at all my taste. Just say the style isn’t right for you and seeing as you will be wearing it for life (hopefully!) you’d like something a bit more you. You’re well within your rights to say you’re not too keen on it! As for looking ungrateful- who is giving out medals to women wearing rings they hate for 50 years? No one. If he thinks you are seeming ungrateful- ask him if he would rather A) be a bit offended for a couple or weeks, or B) you resent him for 50 years and you never wear a ring that symbolises your engagement/marriage? If he chooses B, I’d still buy myself a ring I liked and wear that instead. Xo

Comedycook · 06/04/2022 14:17

Put the money aside...just tell him it doesn't suit you

Daisydoesnt · 06/04/2022 14:19

OP find a few online that you like and are in the region of £1,000 as that's what he told you he spent (some new, some second hand). Then talk to your fiancé about swapping your ring for something that you think would suit you better. If you can't find any you like that are in or near budget then that is a different issue.

Suprima · 06/04/2022 14:19

I wouldn’t be marrying anyone who will you couldn’t have this conversation with

Deadringer · 06/04/2022 14:20

It's your ring, you are going to be wearing it so it's important that you like it. He might be a bit embarassed about returning it because he lied about the cost, but otherwise i don't see why he would mind.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/04/2022 14:21

The ring needs to be right, if all goes well you are stuck with it for many years.
If you haven't worn it then tell him you want to swap it. If you have worn it, then tell him you want it redesigned.

Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:22

@RoseyOldCrow

You mention your DM's ring - would you consider taking that to a jeweller & having the diamond(s) reset into a new engagement ring, with the metal also reused as the basis of this? The money from your almost-fiancé may well be enough to cover labour costs plus any additional metal.

(I presume that you actually do want to marry him, despite this misjudgment?)

I wouldn't want to change my mum's ring at all....
OP posts:
irishfarmer · 06/04/2022 14:25

Tell him! My DH asked about 50 times did I really like my ring, that we could change it if I wanted. Surely your fiancé will want you to have a ring you love.

Just say 'The ring really isn't to my taste, can we change it for something else?' If you want a pricier ring tell him you will add £500 to the budget, I would go with him putting £1,000 towards it since that's what he said. A colleague paid a good be towards her own ring because her DH said his budget was x, she wanted something more expensive so they both bought it.

SiobhanSharpe · 06/04/2022 14:26

DH bought me a gold and diamond ring for a 'big' birthday. Teenage DS saw it and commented 'huh - world's smallest diamond.'
He wasn't far off.
Luckily It didn't fit and we were able to exchange it for something better (and more expensive, despite DH's winces.)

dworky · 06/04/2022 14:29

@Cluelessat32

I'm sorry but it's a ring? I'm struggling to find the issue. Perhaps the issue is elsewhere.
A ring that she will be wearing on her hand for (possibly) a long time. She should like it.
Iloveyourbracelet · 06/04/2022 14:29

You think him "only" spending £600 on a ring means you're not worth it?

Do you always measure your self worth in pounds and pence? Or only when you're talking about spending someone else's money on totally unnecessary jewellery?

TooManyPJs · 06/04/2022 14:30

I think you need to say something. You can't wear a ring for the rest of your life that you don't like.

This is why my DH and I picked a ring together after he proposed. He knows me!!!!

Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:31

He showed it to my DD before and she said she won't like that he didn't seem to mind. He's never actually asked if I liked it just assumed I did. I didn't say I much but I didn't want to appear ungrateful.
He said I wished it could have been bigger, so he did know but he clearly had a budget in mind.

OP posts:
Yorkshirebornandbread · 06/04/2022 14:32

I asked to change mine, he made me pay the difference!

whirlyhead · 06/04/2022 14:32

As others have suggested, why not just take the ring to the jewellers and have it reset? The fact that he buggered this up isn't a game-changer really - he probably didn't realise how important it is. A lot of men don't when it comes to jewellery.

Or don't wear it - my partner bought me a beautiful engagement ring but I never wear it, just not into expensive jewellery.

ClaryFairchild · 06/04/2022 14:32

You don't want to offend him, but he doesn't care enough to buy you a ring that you would like? Doesn't care if you're offended? Not exactly a two way street, is it?!

MichelleScarn · 06/04/2022 14:32

@Carat555

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it
So it's not about liking the ring, its about the cost?
Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:34

@Iloveyourbracelet

You think him "only" spending £600 on a ring means you're not worth it?

Do you always measure your self worth in pounds and pence? Or only when you're talking about spending someone else's money on totally unnecessary jewellery?

I don't think it's a cheap ring, just that I know I could have got so much more say at auction for the money seems such a shame. I guess he wanted to propose with the ring at the time
OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 06/04/2022 14:35

If it’s the style of the ring you don’t like then I think that’s fair enough and you have to be honest as you’ll be potentially wearing it forever.

But if it’s the cost - you’re being unreasonable. Massively unreasonable. £600 is a lot for a ring! I’m sure you can get something to your taste for that much.

SiobhanSharpe · 06/04/2022 14:37

It's not just the cost - it's fact that he lied about the cost.
That's shitty. And tight.

MySecretHistory · 06/04/2022 14:39

Married for 34 years
My ring is tiny- 2nd hand- bought in a pawn shop

Marriage isnt about an enagagement ring, or a wedding

Are you compatible? If not then dont get married.

BellePeppa · 06/04/2022 14:40

You could always save and buy yourself a ring you love, not as the engagement ring but to put on another finger.

Bagelsandbrie · 06/04/2022 14:44

@SiobhanSharpe

It's not just the cost - it's fact that he lied about the cost. That's shitty. And tight.
Hmmm see that wouldn’t bother me. I would see it as he wanted to impress you and exaggerated a bit. No harm done really.
Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:45

I'd rather wear my mum's but then he'd be offered

OP posts: