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Original poster

Upset by his choice of ring

222 replies

Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:52

Right....I'm a bit of a lover of jewellery, never had anything nice except for my mum's diamond ring after she passed.
I have had a Pinterest board for years fantasied about having a lovely one maybe one day.
So my boyfriend said he intended proposing but when he did I was very underwhelmed because what he has chosen is not what I had in mind. It's tiny and looks a bit naff on my fat fingers.
He told me he'd spent a grand on it which surprised me and I would have much rather he bought second hand I knew my thoughts on this but said he wanted new.
I saw the receipt and it cost 600 so I felt put out he'd not been truthful.
To be honest I'm embarrassed when people ask to see my ring.
After all this before I get shot down, I love him and accepted it gracefully and have not said anything to him because I know it's about marrying him and not the ring! I'm just disappointed he knows my passion but didn't think about my feelings in this and I have to wear it forever.

OP posts:
Ghostsofhumor · 06/04/2022 15:15

@diddl

Ops post states she feels she was disappointed at it being 600, and that she feels that its a reflection of him not thinking highly of her

I agree price shouldn't matter, but it clearly has sparked some feelings of being ber being undervalued by the price in OP and her Dp might have realised that.

Selma22 · 06/04/2022 15:16

Maybe the reason he said it was a grand is because it was in sale and previously was ?

MichelleScarn · 06/04/2022 15:20

@Iloveyourbracelet

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it

And this is what you said. Nothing about you feeling like you could have got more for the money. Just about how he didn't spend enough on you.

What have you bought him @Carat555 to show his value and worth to you?
Pinkbonbon · 06/04/2022 15:20

@Carat555

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it
So he is a liar, he is tight (based on his worth) and he doesn't consider you or what you would want.

Andy you can't even say hey 'thanks,but it's not really me' to a man you're supposed to marry without fear of offending you him.

Have him return the ring. And don't bother getting another. This isn't the person for you.

Suprima · 06/04/2022 15:20

@Iloveyourbracelet

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it

And this is what you said. Nothing about you feeling like you could have got more for the money. Just about how he didn't spend enough on you.

And what’s the problem with that?

She has to wear the ring for the rest of her life. It’s an investment piece. He could have afforded more and knew he was being cheap, hence the lie. Her ring is the price of a games console that will go out of date in 3 years.

We all have different tastes- some people get engagement tattoos, some have sterling silver from a hippy jewellers, some have 2 carat monstrous sparklers. They had clearly discussed budget and style beforehand and he has gone with something cheap that she doesn’t even like.

Crystalvas · 06/04/2022 15:22

[quote Ghostsofhumor]@diddl

Ops post states she feels she was disappointed at it being 600, and that she feels that its a reflection of him not thinking highly of her

I agree price shouldn't matter, but it clearly has sparked some feelings of being ber being undervalued by the price in OP and her Dp might have realised that.[/quote]
The price of the ring dosn’t appear to be the issue more so that he lied about the price. OP is saying it dosn’t suit her finger which I can understand. When we looked at engagment rings the one I liked didt suit my finger it was too big. So I totally get where OP is comming from.

frazzledasarock · 06/04/2022 15:22

On the flip side he clearly knew OP would not be happy and lied about how much he spent on the ring.

OP you're the one who's going to be wearing the ring so tell him it's not your style and you want to swap it and head to the second hand jewellers and get a vintage ring you want.

I would wonder why, he lied, why he hasn't asked you whether you like the ring, and why he didn't suggest to just both of you go together and choose a ring you want.

I don't think he sounds particularly sweet if he went ahead with a ring he knows you don't like. And he knows as your DD told him you wouldn't like it.

Why do you want to marry each other? he doesn't particularly care how you feel about a significant piece of jewellery and you feel you can't talk to him.
How long have you been together?

Ozanj · 06/04/2022 15:23

Have you checked out second hand rings? Many work out more expensive as they have more cold / better quality stones. I think before you say anything you might want to wonder around any local antique jewellers to understand what they have on offer.

I’ve recently paid £500 for 22 carat gold (0.1c) diamond studs so I think you might have got a good deal lol.

diddl · 06/04/2022 15:25

[quote Ghostsofhumor]@diddl

Ops post states she feels she was disappointed at it being 600, and that she feels that its a reflection of him not thinking highly of her

I agree price shouldn't matter, but it clearly has sparked some feelings of being ber being undervalued by the price in OP and her Dp might have realised that.[/quote]
I thought that Op was disappointed that he had lied about the cost.

It does seem daft I know, but if my husband told me he had spent a grand on me I'd think "wow!"

But if I then discovered it was 600 I think it might seem like "oh is that all ?" by comparison.

And why lie of course!

Whereas if he had straight away said 600, that would be OK.

I thought that that was what Op meant-that it seemed little compared to what he said he had spent.

lking679 · 06/04/2022 15:27

I’m into rings too and have really carefully chosen any I wear.
It’s up to you how important it is, could you invest in any stacks around your engagement ring to bling it up a bit?

For my own my husband proposed with an Argos £13 ring then I chose my own engagement ring. We’d agreed that’s what he’d do because he knows I love jewelry and wanted to pick my own.

longtompot · 06/04/2022 15:27

You could say it's a beautiful ring but just not on you and show him something that is more suited to you.

I would be concerned he lied to you about what he spent though, but not about the the amount. Not a good way to start a long and happy life together.

Sonaftersonafterson · 06/04/2022 15:28

Just tell him what you told us. It doesnt look right on your fingers and its not just a random ring, it's a ring you have to wear every single day, forever!

Have a chat. If you're getting married surely you can chat about this?? As for him lying about the cost, maybe he couldn't afford more than that, maybe he could... either way, dont mention it. Just say that, sadly, its not right for your hand.

frazzledasarock · 06/04/2022 15:28

@Ozanj

Have you checked out second hand rings? Many work out more expensive as they have more cold / better quality stones. I think before you say anything you might want to wonder around any local antique jewellers to understand what they have on offer.

I’ve recently paid £500 for 22 carat gold (0.1c) diamond studs so I think you might have got a good deal lol.

You’re paying for the value of the gold there. Diamonds have very little resale value. Gold on the other hand holds its value well and even if it goes down does still recover quite quickly. So you’ll get a good amount of money for gold whenever you sell it
ivykaty44 · 06/04/2022 15:28

if he is telling you great big fat lies about the cost f a ring why would you trust him enough to marry?

Pinkbonbon · 06/04/2022 15:29

The ring us meant to be a symbol of your love and care and commitment moving forwards in the marriage. But already this one is based on a lie and making you feel undervalued. Already it shows he doesn't care to know you or what you would like. Already it is showing you that you will struggle to communicate your needs in the marriage for fear that he won't listen and will take offence.

It's not just a ring. It's an alarm bell as to what the marriage will be like.

ChairCareOh · 06/04/2022 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

SockFluffInTheBath · 06/04/2022 15:32

He lied about money, and he’s not interested if you like your engagement ring. You can’t bring yourself to tell him you don’t like a piece of jewellery he chose.

It doesn’t sound like it’s going to be a particularly successful marriage OP.

TheRealityCheque · 06/04/2022 15:33

@Carat555

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it
That makes you sound SO shallow and grabby.

Perhaps (like many of us) he feels a piece of jewellery isn't worth more than that, not that you aren't. Especially in the current financial climate.

Not everything is about you.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/04/2022 15:35

Honestly, with an engagement ring it's the thought that counts.

That means he puts some thought and effort into picking something that he knows you will like. Not, you have to be eternally grateful he thought about asking you to marry him.

Giveitall · 06/04/2022 15:36

Congratulations! You’re living a very special time which you can look back on with happiness, I hope, in years to come,
Probably not much help but my daughter had also got quite clear ideas about the ring type & design she’d love to have. Unfortunately her DH bought something way out of her comfort zone with a coordinated wedding ring! Eeek, what could she do?
We had a long discussion about it & I pointed out that he’d bought it with so much love in his heart she should try to get past her feelings about the design. It took a while but this she did & wears it with pride.
Roll on 7 years married & he’s just bought her her heart’s desire, chosen together.
Wear your ring with pride & true love in your heart. Embarrassment? It says a lot about others if you detect any misgivings or mean thoughts on their part.
Bide your time. There might be something to celebrate in the coming years, your first baby or something else just as lovely & then you’ll get your heart’s desire.

baileys6904 · 06/04/2022 15:38

@catrice where does it say that then? Perhaps he did think it was a rink that she'd love?

Maybes stop creating narrative just to support what you want to advise

Pinkbonbon · 06/04/2022 15:39

@TheRealityCheque
You're taking op out of context. It's not how much he spent that's the problem. It's that he told her he spent a lot but ot turns out that he didn't. Even though he could afford to.

How would you feel if your partner could afford to buy you gold but actually bought you something silver and told you it was gold? Thats like saying 'I'm going to pretend I value more than I actually do'. It's fake behaviour.

It doesn't make op a money grabber to think maybe he doesn't value her in this context.

savedbyanalien · 06/04/2022 15:39

Can we see a picture OP?

Dotdotdotdashdashdashdotdotdot · 06/04/2022 15:42

I know he can afford more

Maybe he can, but maybe he doesn’t think a twisted bit of metal is something he wants to spend £££ on? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t value you.

I get it, the ring I wanted 25 years ago was X, the one I settled for (because he genuinely couldn’t afford it) was nearly half as much. I still look on eBay & antique jewellers for a ring like the one that I loved. I have money in the bank but I would never actually spend that much on myself on a sparkly bit of jewellery.

My engagement ring has actually been in a box for the last 7 years. I kept forgetting to put it back on after hand cream.

I wouldn’t be happy that he’d lied about how much he’d spent, but, how did you ‘find’ the receipt? Did you search for it?

Femalewoman · 06/04/2022 15:43

@Cluelessat32

I'm sorry but it's a ring? I'm struggling to find the issue. Perhaps the issue is elsewhere.
Indeed.

When people say they are 'embarrassed' by their ring, it implies being seen as someone with money/status and a big expensive ring is more important. He spent £600 on a tiny ring so you appear to judge him for that rather than you don't like the colour etc. To you equate how much someone loves you to what they spend? It's strange to me. Some people really equate importance to money and 'things', a bit sad really as people realise as they age.