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Original poster

Upset by his choice of ring

222 replies

Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:52

Right....I'm a bit of a lover of jewellery, never had anything nice except for my mum's diamond ring after she passed.
I have had a Pinterest board for years fantasied about having a lovely one maybe one day.
So my boyfriend said he intended proposing but when he did I was very underwhelmed because what he has chosen is not what I had in mind. It's tiny and looks a bit naff on my fat fingers.
He told me he'd spent a grand on it which surprised me and I would have much rather he bought second hand I knew my thoughts on this but said he wanted new.
I saw the receipt and it cost 600 so I felt put out he'd not been truthful.
To be honest I'm embarrassed when people ask to see my ring.
After all this before I get shot down, I love him and accepted it gracefully and have not said anything to him because I know it's about marrying him and not the ring! I'm just disappointed he knows my passion but didn't think about my feelings in this and I have to wear it forever.

OP posts:
Felicity42 · 07/04/2022 15:46

It says a lot about your relationship if you cannot be honest with him about the ring. It's not to your taste and you would like to change it. If he's offended over that, you'll be tiptoeing around his feelings for the rest of your life.

Ask him to imagine just say if you were going to buy a car for him, would he be happy to let you pick it out or would he rather choose it himself?

Dibble135 · 07/04/2022 15:52

I need a photo please before I comment…

Gilles27 · 07/04/2022 16:05

When I proposed to my wife I found choosing the ring very difficult. When the jeweller told me that I could bring it back for a full refund or swap it if she didn't like it I was relieved and thought of it as a 'ring voucher' rather than a ring. If she didn't like it she could swap it for one we chose together. She said that she liked it, but would like to go to the jeweller 'just to see what else there was'. Of course we ended up swapping it for a different, more expensive, one. 10 years later she still loves it.

PeachesToday · 07/04/2022 16:09

@Carat555

I don't want to offend him
You're marrying the man. Time to communicate.

I would use my mother's ring tbh.

Original poster
Carat555 · 07/04/2022 16:10

@Gilles27

When I proposed to my wife I found choosing the ring very difficult. When the jeweller told me that I could bring it back for a full refund or swap it if she didn't like it I was relieved and thought of it as a 'ring voucher' rather than a ring. If she didn't like it she could swap it for one we chose together. She said that she liked it, but would like to go to the jeweller 'just to see what else there was'. Of course we ended up swapping it for a different, more expensive, one. 10 years later she still loves it.
That's lovely, I will ask him if he was given that option, I know the jeweller so I'm sure he would have said this, however maybe he doesn't want me to go back because I'm case it's more expensive so hasn't said anything to me but then I suppose he thinks I'm happy enough.
OP posts:
shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 07/04/2022 16:12

It's obviously tainted the whole thing for you as you are writing your posts from the heart

I can't relate to you but I understand what's happened

I think the only way to move forward is to discuss it. Perhaps use your mums ring as engagement and ask to buy a wedding band together.

It's not ideal but if you do nothing it will forever symbolise these feelings you have

Beercrispsandnuts · 07/04/2022 16:15

Only on here would spending six hundred quid on a ring be classified as “being cheap”. Some people need to check their privilege and stop being so grabby.

lemmein · 07/04/2022 16:23

@Gilles27

When I proposed to my wife I found choosing the ring very difficult. When the jeweller told me that I could bring it back for a full refund or swap it if she didn't like it I was relieved and thought of it as a 'ring voucher' rather than a ring. If she didn't like it she could swap it for one we chose together. She said that she liked it, but would like to go to the jeweller 'just to see what else there was'. Of course we ended up swapping it for a different, more expensive, one. 10 years later she still loves it.
I would HATE to choose an engagement ring (I'm female!) - I've zero interest in jewellery, I wouldn't know the difference between an expensive ring or a diamonique one off QVC Confused

So, with that in mind, I wouldn't be offended at all if I bought a piece of jewellery and the recipient wanted to exchange it. I suppose for engagements there's pressure on men to 'get it right' but jewellery is so personal, it's quite a big ask. Plus, women are made to feel guilty if they aren't overwhelmed with gratitude, but you're potentially going to wear it everyday, what's wrong with wanting to actually like it?

I think the problem here OP is you're conflating the cost with how much your DF values you. It could just be that he's as clueless as me and saw it as 'just a ring' to fulfil his main goal of proposing? Talk to him about it - I'd just say 'DF, as much as I love you I really don't think you took my fat-fingers into account when you purchased the ring. I know I'm a fussy bugger and it's ridiculously hard to buy something so personal so I love the sentiment, but we need to change that feckin ring!' Grin

Be blunt - and lighthearted, it doesn't need to be a big deal.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 07/04/2022 16:31

apple.news/A1iivkH-FRu6l5JXDNYe29w

You made it to the papers...if he reads tosh he may find out anyway

lemmein · 07/04/2022 16:31

Forgot to add, if he's a good'un in years to come you'll laugh at this. You'll be in your 80s going 'do you remember that teeny tiny ring you bought me?!' Grin

Probably by then he would've racked up a number of 'what were you thinking?' gifts - best be honest now before you're posting about your anniversary ironing board in a few years time!

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 16:37

@Idroppedthescrewinthetuna

https://apple.news/A1iivkH-FRu6l5JXDNYe29w

You made it to the papers...if he reads tosh he may find out anyway

meh, I'd say this is a very common occurrence, probably could be about a million people!
FloBot7 · 07/04/2022 16:56

Like most women I like my engagement ring so it's easy to say you're greedy or ungrateful. Thinking more rationally, if my DH had proposed with some Princess Diana style monstrosity I would have been upset. It's not just a ring, it's something you'll be wearing for the rest of your life. I was just lucky that he guessed I would like a simple solitaire. Though he still worried it was too plain.

Crankley · 07/04/2022 16:59

I think it's a bit shallow and I'm just wondering what you have bought for him that costs £1k?

frazzledasarock · 07/04/2022 17:12

The posters who were happy with haribo rings/hula hoops/plastic rings from the Christmas cracker/nothing.
It’s beside the point you got what you wanted. Your partners thought about what you wanted and got you that.

My DH proposed with a ring and then for ages kept buying me Haribo rings (because obviously I kept eating them) and then when I showed him the ring I wanted he called a local jeweller and we went and had the ring made to spec in the metal and stones I wanted.

I can’t actually imagine DH going ahead and buying something he knows I won’t like or lying about it to guilt me into accepting it without question.

I don’t think you should put up or shut up. I think you need to talk to him and get the ring exchanged for one you like

Antarcticant · 07/04/2022 17:40

I think this is the price you pay for wanting a 'proposal' and/or letting him make you wait for one. You can't have it both ways. It makes much more sense to have a conversation about marriage, and then choose any rings together; but if you opt out of this, you risk being left with a ring you might not like.

Crystalvas · 07/04/2022 18:07

@Crankley

I think it's a bit shallow and I'm just wondering what you have bought for him that costs £1k?
I’m sure shes baught him plenty of things over the years. An engagment ring is different. He lied to her about the price when he’d no need to mention it.?Plus he had 2k he could have spent. A newly engaged woman should’t be ina position where she looks at her ring with dispair. You don’t sound like someone whos ever been engaged so what would you know anyway.
MrsHugget · 07/04/2022 19:09

I'd love to see a pic too

2Gen · 07/04/2022 19:52

@mistermagpie

How much is the ring you actually want? If it's thousands and his budget was £600 then you are being a bit unreasonable. £600 is still a fair chunk of money for a ring I think. But if you can find something you like for that budget then do it and show it to him, most (nice) men would just want you to have the ring that makes you happy.

Nothing wrong with wanting what you want in my opinion either, which is why I do think it's a bit insane for men to choose the ring in the first place when they aren't going to be wearing it. My DH proposed with a haribo and we picked my ring together. I'm quite a savvy second-hand and online shopper and we got exactly what I wanted for half what you'd pay in a high street shop, I would have felt a bit sick if he'd spent all that money and I didn't even like it.

This! OP you can get some real bargains online. Mine was in an online sale, I chose it and DH paid and he was happy because it cost so little and yet was something I love. I is 9CT white gold and gemstone and diamond halo, not a knuckle duster but far from small too! Look at Gemporia and TJC. Good luck.
2Gen · 07/04/2022 20:22

@TheRealityCheque-
What? Her engagement ring "isn't about her"? Who is it about then?
If you buy something for someone, and you actually give a shit about them, it's very much ALL about them!

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 07/04/2022 20:34

OP, if you're going to marry him you need to be able to raise difficult issues even if they make you feel uncomfortable.

bluebell34567 · 07/04/2022 21:38

@CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory

OP, if you're going to marry him you need to be able to raise difficult issues even if they make you feel uncomfortable.
totally agree. him lying is another story.
Spookysparkles · 22/08/2022 23:16

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