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Original poster

Upset by his choice of ring

222 replies

Carat555 · 06/04/2022 13:52

Right....I'm a bit of a lover of jewellery, never had anything nice except for my mum's diamond ring after she passed.
I have had a Pinterest board for years fantasied about having a lovely one maybe one day.
So my boyfriend said he intended proposing but when he did I was very underwhelmed because what he has chosen is not what I had in mind. It's tiny and looks a bit naff on my fat fingers.
He told me he'd spent a grand on it which surprised me and I would have much rather he bought second hand I knew my thoughts on this but said he wanted new.
I saw the receipt and it cost 600 so I felt put out he'd not been truthful.
To be honest I'm embarrassed when people ask to see my ring.
After all this before I get shot down, I love him and accepted it gracefully and have not said anything to him because I know it's about marrying him and not the ring! I'm just disappointed he knows my passion but didn't think about my feelings in this and I have to wear it forever.

OP posts:
tara66 · 06/04/2022 14:45

Why do men do this? They think they know what women want but they do not and are often hopeless. You do not want a ring you don't want to wear. Tell him it is not quite your taste which is a large diamond that you choose yourself and it must be changed. Never mind about love etc

cantbecoping · 06/04/2022 14:48

So it's not big enough and not expensive enough.....gotya.

Iloveyourbracelet · 06/04/2022 14:49

I mean... Either you want to marry the guy or you don't. How's much he spent on the ring shouldn't come into it. Perhaps he lied because you wouldn't regard £600 as being enough, but that's what he was comfortable to spend.

Engagement rings are a completely unnecessary extravagance. You don't need an engagement ring to get engaged, or married. Plenty of people don't have one at all. You could always buy yourself the perfect ring if you really must have one. If £1k is a reasonable amount to drop on a ring then you won't mind spending your own money on it.

knittingaddict · 06/04/2022 14:51

Why is a woman seen as being unresaonable to want an important piece of jewellery to be something she actually likes? Potentially op is going to wear this ring for the next 50 or 60 years. Is it too much to ask that she actually likes it?

I would tell him now that it's not really the ring for you and chose one together. We bought the ring together after the proposal. It cost next to nothing, but at least it was what I wanted.

walksen · 06/04/2022 14:52

"It's not just the cost - it's fact that he lied about the cost.
That's shitty. And tight."

And what did she get him for £600?
Engagement rings are a bit of an anachronism from a bygone era. Surely it's more of a gesture these days.

Dancer47 · 06/04/2022 14:53

There's no love in the way you talk about him at all. He went out and got that ring for you so he could propose with it. That's so lovely of him (and traditional)

My DH did the same 25 years ago and every time I look at the ring on my hand, I imagine him out shopping on his own looking for the one he wanted, and feel so much love for him.

It's a ring - how bad can it be? Why risk hurting his feelings?

goingtotown · 06/04/2022 14:53

I'd be unhappy being told a lie about the cost. Thats your problem not the ring.

chubbachub · 06/04/2022 14:53

I think as you continue to post it seems that you really just wanted him to buy a more expensive ring because you are placing alot of value on your worth vs the ring's.

A man that you (presumably) love and want to be with has bought you a ring and proposed to you. If this is the man for you then you saying "I love that you picked this and of course I want to marry you but this ring really doesn't suit me and isnt what I imagined- i would like to change it" shouldn't be a problem. He will want you to be happy. And you've got to wear the ring forever so make sure you are happy with it.

But i do think if you have different expectations of cost, you should either a) pay the difference if your pick is more or b) accept and respect his budget and find a ring you're happy with within it. See the value in what the ring represents rather than the value on the receipt.

Iloveyourbracelet · 06/04/2022 14:55

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it

And this is what you said. Nothing about you feeling like you could have got more for the money. Just about how he didn't spend enough on you.

Original poster
Carat555 · 06/04/2022 14:56

@Dancer47

There's no love in the way you talk about him at all. He went out and got that ring for you so he could propose with it. That's so lovely of him (and traditional) My DH did the same 25 years ago and every time I look at the ring on my hand, I imagine him out shopping on his own looking for the one he wanted, and feel so much love for him.

It's a ring - how bad can it be? Why risk hurting his feelings?

You're right...
OP posts:
FleurDeLizz · 06/04/2022 14:56

If you can’t have an open and honest conversation with him then should you be getting married? Seems like you might need to sort that out first

Iloveyourbracelet · 06/04/2022 14:56

Why is a woman seen as being unresaonable to want an important piece of jewellery to be something she actually likes? Potentially op is going to wear this ring for the next 50 or 60 years. Is it too much to ask that she actually likes it

She's welcome to go out and buy one herself with her own money if she likes.

Catrice · 06/04/2022 14:59

I sympathize. It's the fact he didn't try to find a ring that you would adore and just settled on one because it was cheaper than his £1000 budget. And then he lied about the cost!

HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 15:00

He. Lied. To. You.

Consider this your warning shot. Marry him at your own peril.

Arianya · 06/04/2022 15:04

My SIL has big fingers and the rings they could afford looked minuscule when she wore them. So she got an eternity band with lots of small diamonds, not what she wanted ideally but at least it didn’t look small. I would just tell him you want to swap it.

Crystalvas · 06/04/2022 15:05

Will you post a pic of the ring on your finger?

BeeDavis · 06/04/2022 15:06

@Carat555

I know he can afford more but chose not to just a shame make me feel I'm not worth it
Oh god get a grip
theprincessofliechtenstein · 06/04/2022 15:07

I think this is quite a bad sign.

Not because I believe only an expensive ring shows love (I actually don't believe in rings for weddings) but because YOU clearly value and appreciate fancy jewellery, and your boyfriend either didn't know you well enough to take that into account, or knew it and then decided not to get one to your taste anyway.

Lying about the value is a very bad sign that it's the latter not the former.

You need to say, nicely, I love you, but I dislike this ring and I would rather have another ring to be my engagement ring to wear for the rest of my life. Can we return this and pick another together?

His reaction to that will be telling. If he loves you and is a nice person, he will be slightly embarrassed and enthusiastic about picking one together. If he gets grumpy, I'd hesitate to spend the rest of my life with him.

DeliaOwens · 06/04/2022 15:08

OP. Has he form for being less than truthful? Is this just the marker to demonstrate that he lies to your face?
If you have even the slightest doubt/gut reaction on this question, I would draw a line in the sand here, before it goes to a legally binding marriage.
You deserve to be happy and happiness to all of us looks different, however at the root of any successful partnership is trust. 100% trust, not a 80/20 situation.

If you worry he will be angry at your reaction and will be stroppy, like a toddler pouting and sulking and bringing this up every, single chance he gets...Think carefully.

Ghostsofhumor · 06/04/2022 15:09

I posted here when I was buying an engagement ring costing 1000

The mumsnet consensus was that it was too much to spend on a ring, and if I proposed to them with it they'd leave me for chosing without them, being so frivolous and not buying secondhand

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 15:11

“I love you madly, but I don’t love the ring I’ll be wearing for the rest of my life. Do you want me to pull together a list of rings I do love, or have a day browsing together where we celebrate the engagement – we could have lunch at [place with meaning to you/place you know he likes].”

Vapeyvapevape · 06/04/2022 15:11

You won't be able to go with him to swap it as then he'll have to come clean about the cost.

Anyway it is just a ring which he gave you because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and that's the important bit.

diddl · 06/04/2022 15:12

@Carat555

I don't want to offend him
But he doesn't afford you the same does he?

He bought new because he wanted new??!!

Also-why would he lie about the price?

Even if he can afford more-600 is enough isn't it?

Vapeyvapevape · 06/04/2022 15:14

Maybe he lied about the cost because he knows he was expected to spend more money than he has , who knows ?

HoppingPavlova · 06/04/2022 15:15

Just wear your Mum’s and stick his in a drawer? I couldn’t wear rings at work so didn’t even bother with an engagement ring and figured with a wedding ring I’d be taking it off/putting it on when working and not working, high chance of it getting lost or misplaced, so got a ultra cheap budget job just for the ring exchange at the actual wedding. It’s been in a drawer for decades. Now don’t work in that line anymore and could wear rings permanently but don’t out of habit. It’s not compulsory when engaged or married. Just wear your mums.

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