Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 21:56

Install a family location app on his phone and yours, and add his work and your home onto it.

He will be able to see where you are and you him.

If he has nothing to hide then he won't have any objections.

FFS!
I really hope this is a joke!

BacardiOnATuesday · 05/04/2022 21:58

Has he got a work phone and a separate personal phone. My personal phone is generally on silent in working hours. If I get a call from my DP then chances are I won’t answer immediately because I’m working, in a meeting or on another call.

I suspect your DH might be chatting outside to people who smoke. That may be suspicious or not but I wouldn’t be worried about someone not answering their phone immediately…there would have to be more evidence than that to concern me (a change in his behaviour? More concerned about his appearance? Money disappearing? Change in routine? Preoccupation with his phone at home?) An affair is likely to spill over to weekends and holidays at some point…

BacardiOnATuesday · 05/04/2022 22:00

Coffee van? The time I used to spend at the coffee van in the good old days…

NETSRIK · 05/04/2022 22:00

Why do you need to call him so often when at work?

CrowUpNorth · 05/04/2022 22:10

If his business doesn't need his input as much he might just be skiving off and chatting to colleagues, coffee van etc and doesn't want to advertise he has all this free time while you are working solidly. Or maybe not be keen to talk to you somewhere his colleagues can overhear? Or he could be up to no good. Definitely something to prompt you to keep your eyes open but not anything to write off the marriage quite yet!

FartVandelay · 05/04/2022 22:13

Good luck OP. I hope it is nothing untoward x

Pixiedust1234 · 05/04/2022 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 05/04/2022 22:22

Nothing that you've said would concern me. It's quite common in areas where there are a few units, for people to gather outside for a chat or go into each other's units. And I'd think the employee sounds robotic because they're fed up answering your calls for your DH.
I also wouldn't assume your DH was being evasive. He doesn't know this has turned into something of epic proportions for you so doesn't feel the need to fill in the detail.
What I do find odd is that you have jumped to being suspicious. I wonder if there are other reasons why this is making you uncomfortable but you haven't realised what they are yet. And also that you've never visited him at work in the last year eg went for lunch together; dropped something off; met up to go somewhere straight from work, etc.

FartVandelay · 05/04/2022 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

Pixiedust1234 · 05/04/2022 22:32

I was explaining why some people post F. Some, not all. Perhaps premium subscribers get the message from the watch list, I don't. This may or may not be a poooof thread but it seems to have lots of people arguing amongst themselves with very little information from the OP. No idea why people are being so argumentative here shrugs

OverByYer · 05/04/2022 22:39

Hmm another thread where the OP mysteriously disappears? Hmm

mumofEandE · 05/04/2022 23:07

I don't understand why don't just ask their OH's - you know like grown ups instead of becoming paranoid (drug dealing / prostitutes etcHmm)
What happened to the Op whose husband was in Portugal not Spain?

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 23:09

Now that one did go poooof.

PintOfBovril · 05/04/2022 23:16

Sorry I haven't read all the pages but has anyone suggested an answering service? When I worked for a small company we had an outsourced answering service who answered in the name of our company and told anyone who called that we were unavailable and then sent a text or email notification to call back. Has your husband set one of these up? Ours was called Rocket I think, does he have a subscription to one of those in his business name? Would explain why he's never seemingly available and also why the person answering sounds 'robotic'. They read from a script for all the different companies they are taking messages for.

HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 23:17

@OverByYer

Hmm another thread where the OP mysteriously disappears? Hmm
@OverByYer It's night time! She already said she'd have to make a visit, and would let us know how it went. *msscarlettwith Tue 05-Apr-22 14:50:46 DW I'll post update if I find anything. I don't care if some posters follow out of curiosity. Posting here helps me focus my thoughts. @HangingRock25 you've been very helpful in pointing out something I hadn't thought of.*
longtompot · 05/04/2022 23:19

@Pixiedust1234

I was explaining why some people post F. Some, not all. Perhaps premium subscribers get the message from the watch list, I don't. This may or may not be a poooof thread but it seems to have lots of people arguing amongst themselves with very little information from the OP. No idea why people are being so argumentative here shrugs
I'm not a premium member and I get the deletion message on watched threads. I am using it in my iPad and not the app so maybe that's the difference.
CustardySergeant · 05/04/2022 23:19

@midsomermurderess

Now that one did go poooof.
No it didn't, it's here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4514712-My-AirPods-are-where-I-thought-they-were-My-husband-isn-t It just reached the limit of 1000 posts, that's all.
Shoemadlady · 05/04/2022 23:25

What is the nature of the business in the other units? Have you goggles them? If, for example, one is a garage, then I'd ask a friend to do a couple of drives to said unit to ask a question and see if they can spot your husband whilst driving to other unit.

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 05/04/2022 23:35

@PintOfBovril

Sorry I haven't read all the pages but has anyone suggested an answering service? When I worked for a small company we had an outsourced answering service who answered in the name of our company and told anyone who called that we were unavailable and then sent a text or email notification to call back. Has your husband set one of these up? Ours was called Rocket I think, does he have a subscription to one of those in his business name? Would explain why he's never seemingly available and also why the person answering sounds 'robotic'. They read from a script for all the different companies they are taking messages for.
I was going to suggest something like this as well. Just wondering if his colleagues are who you have always spoken to or new?

Good luck OP.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 23:38

It’s not just the calls it’s him correcting himself when telling stories a couple of times she’s his wife she knows him and she’s noticed.
I got impression they were work calls and she needed info from his business (hence him needing to dash back to desk if she calls his mobile) so they are running two related family businesses or perhaps he’s her accountant.

NeverChange · 06/04/2022 00:14

There's nothing in your posts that have been convinced it's something like an affair or worse but you must have more suspicions that you wrote about.

Rather than the spying/PI etc. option would you consider some of the following first:-

Do you know his tells when he is lying? Why not just ask etc.

Looking for patterns - does it happen at certain times or certain days? Or when doesn't it happen?

Talk more about work in general? What is he working on? Can he take some time off? Are customer face meetings face to face after covid? Is he stuck in the office etc?

Try using facetime or video calls?

What happens when other people ring? Can you have someone do it for you etc? Even your sister saying she can't get through to you & needs urgent help with childcare emergency etc.

Have you seen the financials or bank statements for the business? Anything to suggest change? Struggles?

Have you looked at his phone bills etc?

I hope it's something small & nothing nasty. That said, women's intuition is strong and shouldn't be ignored.

surreygirl1987 · 06/04/2022 00:23

Definitely sounds weird.

Confusedpapoose · 06/04/2022 00:42

Agreed with many of the previous posters - you may have to do a little drive by then potentially a surprise visit

Notarealmum · 06/04/2022 02:17

Could he have an agency answering his calls - you know to make his business seem more professional, like he has a receptionist when he doesn’t? I can imagine such things exist and it would make some sense if he’s pretty much a one man band company.

Swipe left for the next trending thread