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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 05/04/2022 19:53

Not normal is it! Hope you find out soon what’s going on op

wildthingsinthenight · 05/04/2022 20:03

@forevertired12

F
There is a Watch This Thread button you knowHmm
KosherDill · 05/04/2022 20:06

"They've run up debts and are dealing with the chasing calls."

This actually sounds somewhat plausible.

Onthedunes · 05/04/2022 20:07

I really don’t think you should visit his work place - that’s extremely controlling

@WonderfulYou

Why is that controlling?

CheesyWeez · 05/04/2022 20:10

He definitely works for MI6 and is actually heading up a top secret underground code-cracking and villain-catching war room.
When you ring he has to run upstairs and pretend he was just innocently outside counting the pallets or something.

Xtraincome · 05/04/2022 20:15

Oh dear OP. I hope it's nothing sinister. Good luck and just prepare yourself for unfortunate news.

pastabest · 05/04/2022 20:22

Why are people repeatedly saying it must be a 'receptionist' from another unit?

It is 2022 you know and women are allowed to have other jobs! If it is another woman then they literally could be from any kind of profession.

I had a similar situation once, I had to go into exDP's office randomly to drop something off for him. I had no reason to suspect anything was going on and had no concerns about our relationship which at that point was 5+ years long.

I met a woman coming down the stairs and I just KNEW that something wasn't right. Perhaps the brief flicker of the slightly startled look she gave me when she shouldn't have had a clue who I was.

It took a couple of months of careful watching and waiting but eventually my suspicions were confirmed.

If you otherwise had no reason to be suspicious and haven't been before now then I suspect that your intuition is pinging madly at the moment for a good reason.

FangsForTheMemory · 05/04/2022 20:23

Can you borrow someone else's car and go and sit in it and watch?

WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 20:24

Why is that controlling?

@Onthedunes

Because she’s checking up to see what he’s doing.

He’s ringing back almost straight away so OP knows he can’t be actually going anywhere far from work.

If a man posted saying he thinks his wife is talking to someone outside her workplace so he’s going to go and check on her - everyone will thinks he’s mad and very controlling.

If he’s smoking or just doesn’t want to answer the phone every single time because he’s at work, then that’s his business.

carefullycourageous · 05/04/2022 20:26

It is not controlling to visit someone, IMO.

I would visit.

5128gap · 05/04/2022 20:35

@WonderfulYou

Why is that controlling?

@Onthedunes

Because she’s checking up to see what he’s doing.

He’s ringing back almost straight away so OP knows he can’t be actually going anywhere far from work.

If a man posted saying he thinks his wife is talking to someone outside her workplace so he’s going to go and check on her - everyone will thinks he’s mad and very controlling.

If he’s smoking or just doesn’t want to answer the phone every single time because he’s at work, then that’s his business.

Its not controlling. Controlling would be if she told him he had to stay in work, rang up to check on him, then had a go at him or interrogated him if he didn't. I see no signs whatsoever that the OP is attempting to moderate his behaviour, merely to understand it. She finds his behaviour suspicious and is asking for views on whether she may have grounds for that suspicion. Too many women are manipulated into ignoring warning signs, and too many men are helped to make fools of them by people bandying 'controlling' about.
BOOTS52 · 05/04/2022 20:47

I would just casually go down there and say you wanted to surprise him by taking him out for lunch and I would go in and meet everyone and get a feel for the place and people. Don't overthink it at all but this is what I would do. Hope you find out if there is anything going on but it could all be just a simple explanation. Has there been anything else going on in your relationship that has made you feel this way.

GroovyGroovy · 05/04/2022 20:47

CheesyWeez Grin

Blossom97 · 05/04/2022 20:52

Hope it’s nothing untoward OP

WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 21:05

I see no signs whatsoever that the OP is attempting to moderate his behaviour, merely to understand it. She finds his behaviour suspicious

OP is concerned that he doesn’t answer the landline straight away even though he calls her straight back and then when he answers his mobile she thinks he’s outside - there are many reasons why he can’t answer or could be outside eg he’s busy with his work, going to the toilet, eating his lunch, having a sneaky fag, getting some fresh air, talking to a work colleague etc none of which is suspicious.

OP knows he’s at work.
To go and spy on him like PPs have suggested because he’s outside or there’s potential that he could be talking to another female is very controlling.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/04/2022 21:06

Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed

If someone was calling me at work frequently enough that to know the patterns of my movement when I was not actually working then I'd be driven to smoking outside or directing the calls elsewhere.

Why do you need to call him so often about work when you don't actually work together?

Saltyquiche · 05/04/2022 21:19

I’m in and out of my work place, having coffees with smokers and also non smokers outside, lunch outside, popping work items to people, quick catch ups with work friends I see passing, even holding work meetings and handovers in the sunshine.

Saltyquiche · 05/04/2022 21:20

If you’re the jealous type that reads too much into nothing he mightn’t feel able to mention other people to you.

Grasping · 05/04/2022 21:25

Look. The OP has a ‘gut feeling’
She’s not controlling but things are not adding up.

I had no suspicions my DH was having an affair. I trusted him totally.

Then one day, a couple of things just didn’t add up and that confused me. The realisation suddenly engulfed me from nowhere. I had to pull the car over as I was shaking so much.

Hollywolly1 · 05/04/2022 21:30

It seems you have zero trust in him and it must be embarrassing for him andvthe team because they probably know right well you are checking up on him,surely there has hot to be a better way of catching him out,maybe try a video call

Tiredacheyandreadyforbed · 05/04/2022 21:32

Posting so I can find this tomorrow

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 21:34

Why do people not just use Watch this thread?

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/04/2022 21:41

@roundtable

I may have missed this in your posts so apologies if I had but does the person answering the phone know it's you?

I'm wondering if he's avoiding dealing with certain clients/having issues with the business so blocking calls until he's certain who it is?

Or he's a superhero.

Ask him!

In all seriousness good luck op. Hopefully it's nothing major just running for the lunch truck or the equivalent.

This is what I said

Does her number show up

Is op ringing landline

And other man always answers the phone

If op hid her number would he answer

LadyMaid · 05/04/2022 21:41

Install a family location app on his phone and yours, and add his work and your home onto it.

He will be able to see where you are and you him.

If he has nothing to hide then he won't have any objections.

WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 21:54

Look. The OP has a ‘gut feeling’
She’s not controlling but things are not adding up.

How are things not adding up? I’m confused why people think this.

Someone else picks up the landline before him probably because they’re either closer to it or DH is busy with other things as most of us are at work or this persons job is to answer the phone.

And there’s no proof he’s outside, just that OP thinks he is.
And even if he is outside what is wrong with that?
I work in a building but I still go outside of it several times a day but I don’t leave the premises which he doesn’t seem to be doing anyway.