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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 05/04/2022 17:24

I'd turn up there

Mumofboys109 · 05/04/2022 17:27

Perhaps he has to take calls outside because of signal? Maybe he has another phone for work? Maybe he’s asked colleagues to screen his calls because otherwise he would get nothing done? I don’t know what you think my light be happening but I’m sure there’s a logical explanation. I don’t think anything strikes me as that strange x

DadOfTheMoment · 05/04/2022 17:27

Definitely suspicious

neveradullmoment99 · 05/04/2022 17:41

Only way is to go and check it out. Hope there is a simple explanation OP. Good luck :)

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/04/2022 17:44

I remember the days when an ex would call repeatedly through the day and started turning up randomly, particularly when I hadn't been at his beck and call earlier.

I lost a job because of it.

These days, I'm smarter and would dump somebody who kept calling unless the house had exploded, they'd chopped a limb off and could send a photo to confirm their arm or leg wasn't attached or war had just been declared between Plymouth Argyle and Torquay United to the extent that attack ships were on fire on the shores of Devils' Point. But at the time, the others in the team would pick up the calls and tell him I wasn't at my desk because I could not be dealing with answering to him yet again.

CornishGem1975 · 05/04/2022 17:45

I mean, he must be in work SOME of the time surely? How often are you calling?

QuebecBagnet · 05/04/2022 17:47

I’d definitely be investigating what the other units are and who might work there. Is there somewhere with a receptionist who he’s chatting to

WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 17:48

What reasons are you ringing him for?

Maybe he thinks you’re ringing him too often.

I know many people who get someone to answer the phone and say they’re out/in a meeting and then if they person wants to talk to them they’ll call them right back but if it’s something they want/need to put off they can.

Even if he is talking to someone outside then what is the issue?

He’s obviously doing his work else he’d have no money and he’s not going anywhere else he wouldn’t be able to ring you back so quickly.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/04/2022 17:49

Maybe ring and pretend to be someone else

Block your number and see if get the same reply rtom co worker

Maybe he’s always busy snd worker fielding his calls

LoveSpringDaffs · 05/04/2022 17:58

This has to be one of the weirdest threads I've read on MN (and I've been here since Adam was a boy).

Why does he have to be in the unit?

Does his work affect your work?

justasking111 · 05/04/2022 18:06

His colleagues might have ribbed him that"The old ball and chain is on the phone AGAIN" cue eye rolling .

Hawkins001 · 05/04/2022 18:06

All the best op

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 18:10

It very much depends on context. If he’s an accountant and for last 10 years when Op has called assistant has put her through and 9/10 he takes call at his desk it’s very odd if he’s now suddenly never available, always outside unit so not at desk working.

Favourodds · 05/04/2022 18:13

It being another woman doesn't make sense if he calls back almost immediately. He's hardly likely to be stopping mid-shag, hurling his clothes on and sprinting back to his office because his wife rang...

Favourodds · 05/04/2022 18:15

Is it his birthday soon? Maybe take cakes to his work as a surprise for everyone?

I would divorce my husband instantly for even thinking of this. There are thought crimes, this is one. Mortifying.

roundtable · 05/04/2022 18:23

I may have missed this in your posts so apologies if I had but does the person answering the phone know it's you?

I'm wondering if he's avoiding dealing with certain clients/having issues with the business so blocking calls until he's certain who it is?

Or he's a superhero.

Ask him!

In all seriousness good luck op. Hopefully it's nothing major just running for the lunch truck or the equivalent.

Hertsgirl10 · 05/04/2022 18:31

@LoveSpringDaffs

This has to be one of the weirdest threads I've read on MN (and I've been here since Adam was a boy).

Why does he have to be in the unit?

Does his work affect your work?

@LoveSpringDaffs

That’s what I was thinking, can’t he go out for lunch or a walk or just to get fresh air?

Why does everyone think the worst, surely OP you can just ask him and say how weird it looks if you think it’s really shifty?

Starseeking · 05/04/2022 18:48

This type of behaviour is never a good sign OP. I think you know that, or you wouldn't be on here asking MN.

SevenWaystoLeave · 05/04/2022 18:52

@Favourodds

It being another woman doesn't make sense if he calls back almost immediately. He's hardly likely to be stopping mid-shag, hurling his clothes on and sprinting back to his office because his wife rang...
This. Honestly if he's literally just outside there's a limit to how much trouble he can actually be getting in. He's not having an affair on the front door step. Perhaps he's actually just spending a bit too much of his work day chatting with neighbours instead of working, which is hardly the crime of the century. I think a lot of the suspicions aired on this thread are way out of proportion to the evidence.

Also honestly wondering how much OP is calling him if it's enough for his office-mate to have started affecting a bored voice when you do. Perhaps he's taking his work outside to get some peace and quiet from the phone?

As for popping round - exactly how far are you prepared to take this? If he's in his unit as expected are you going to keep on finding excuses to pop round until you catch him outside? Why not, in the first instance, just be a grown up and ask him, "You often seem to be outside when I call, what's going on with that?".

Buyitinbamboo · 05/04/2022 18:53

I'm not sure what kind of work it is but is it not possible for him to log on remotely to give you the information you need? Or is it something physical? I ask because my old boss had lots of affairs. His wife would call and I'd say he was out, email him which he would pick up on his phone and presumably log in remotely on his laptop.

greenlynx · 05/04/2022 19:04

You are not paranoid at all, something clearly is going on, something your DH is hiding from you for whatever reason. It could be OW (I do hope not) or could be business issues but in a way you need to know as it might help both of you.
You need to think about the pattern: landline /mobile, morning/ afternoon, day of the week. It will help to narrow down when to visit because obviously you won’t be able to visit a lot. Your first visit should be the last ideally.

TheMoreYouKnow · 05/04/2022 19:20

I think if you visit his workplace you'll have to try to stay out of sight at first or else you'll give him a heads up that you're onto him. It's probably something silly but obviously you need to know. This is from someone who is always on the lookout for something dodgy.

DFOD · 05/04/2022 19:22

You said you couldn’t remember if these incidents happened at the same time way day - that’s v easy to check in your phone log - when you called and when he called back

5128gap · 05/04/2022 19:48

Men sneak off and lie about it because (in no particular order):

They are having an affair
They take drugs/drink
They're online gambling
Their business is in trouble/They're struggling with and feeling at breaking point
They smoke in secret (non smokers have no idea how many people do this. Smokers do) or vape (no smell)
The works dried up and they're bored/under occupied but don't want to tell you
They've run up debts and are dealing with the chasing calls
They've having a remote affair and are talking to/ texting OW
They are talking to a woman in person
They are up to something illegal

Men have done ALL these things, so every one is possible. No one can ever categorically know their H wouldn't.

In most of these cases you won't 'catch him' with a surprise visit. You need to look into other areas of your life, finances, his behaviour at home, his health, his reaction when challenged, his history.

I hope he's just a smoker.Flowers

WonderfulYou · 05/04/2022 19:50

I really don’t think you should visit his work place - that’s extremely controlling.

If he’s not in his workplace what would that mean?
Is he not allowed to leave?
If he happens to be talking to a women outside does that mean he’s having an affair?
Would it put your mind at rest if he was there or outside chatting?

There could be a million reasons but an OW sounds like the least possible scenario.

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