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Original poster

Funny clichéd things that men put on their dating pages....

209 replies

bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:30

Or women of course but I'm a heterosexual female so wouldn't know!

I'll start:

  • 6ft4 because apparently that matters.
  • doesn't take life too seriously so if you can't handle sarcasm swipe left
  • photos of themselves holding fish
  • not sure what to write here

Finding dating pretty uninspiring at the moment as you can probably tell so thought I'd at least get a laugh out of it!

OP posts:
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 04/04/2022 19:33

No drama

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:34

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred

No drama
See this so often. 'Not looking for drama so if you come with baggage don't swipe right'
OP posts:
ivebeenbumbled · 04/04/2022 19:35

"I'm too nice"

ivebeenbumbled · 04/04/2022 19:36

I should say, I've only just a set up my first dating profile, but this was one I saw today and immediately thought "hmmm, nah."

BoobsOnTheMoon · 04/04/2022 19:36

"looking for a partner in crime" yaaawwwn

"Don't match if you aren't going to chat"

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:37

Don't come on here often so message me on insta

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/04/2022 19:37

Does anyone actually meet on these apps?
I'll tell everyone we met at Tesco
No time wasters

BoobsOnTheMoon · 04/04/2022 19:38

And yeah wtf is with the fucking fish ???

Cheeseandlobster · 04/04/2022 19:39

School of hard knocks

University of Life

Where are all the nice girls?

Love banter

Don't take Life too seriously

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:39

Or every photo with the same 5 guys in it so no idea which one the profile belongs to

OP posts:
Knutface · 04/04/2022 19:40

I look after myself so expect a partner to do the same Hmm

If you don’t look like your profile picture, you’re buying the drinks until you do Hmm

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:40

@BoobsOnTheMoon

And yeah wtf is with the fucking fish ???
It's so weird. There are so many.
OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 04/04/2022 19:41

@bananatwain

Or every photo with the same 5 guys in it so no idea which one the profile belongs to
Its usually the one who looks like gollum
BoobsOnTheMoon · 04/04/2022 19:42

"work hard, play hard"

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:42

Saw one today 'might let you get to know the real me if you play your cards right' - like it's some kind of weird game.

Also, photos taken from below the chin so can just about count the nose hairs.

OP posts:
Sonaftersonafterson · 04/04/2022 19:43

"Not fussed on age, weight, looks" equals "I'm desperate, I'll take anyone".

Original poster
bananatwain · 04/04/2022 19:49

"Not looking for a one night stand and want to meet the right person to settle down with" (only photo is of topless torso)

OP posts:
magicstars · 04/04/2022 19:52

I'm not like other guys

Unsubtle hints about a 'sweet spot' & best feature being under his pants 😆

growingweeble · 04/04/2022 19:55

Own hair and teeth… how can this be your sole decent attribute men?

GroovyGroovy · 04/04/2022 19:59

financially independent or solvent - bore off!
a woman who is" fit" and "takes care of her body" - i.e. not some fatty - again, bore off!
"I don't take life seriously" - not sure what that means but it sounds a bit strange and could mean absolutely anything.

I'm not sure if these are funny though Grin!

Horaceandgus · 04/04/2022 20:01

Wanting to meet my princess-I ain’t no fuckers princess
Don’t do drama queens/bitches-lovely
In between jobs-in long term unemployment
Where have you been all my life?well I’ve not been around for 2/3’s of it and then I hid
My ex’s are nutters-and they’ve all got you in common matey
Will accept nudes-I might have the goods mate,but I’ll bet my last wage packet on the fact you won’t be able to deliver
Like drinking-piss head
I’m a gym bunny-guaranteed to be 15 stone overweight and never set foot in one
I have a brilliant sense of humour-doesn’t have one
None smoker-only has a fag when the wife isn’t looking

Profile picture-a group of men all holding a fish each-so attractive,plus which one are you?
The fitty in the middle or onslow on the left? (I know my luck…)

Or even better,one taken at his wedding with the bride badly cropped out!

Thank god I gave up on online dating years ago

GroovyGroovy · 04/04/2022 20:02

I look after myself so expect a partner to do the same

^That one always gets my goat Knutface. Its so so so so .... up themselves. I bet they are the biggest bores you ever met too. An instant "no" from me.

GroovyGroovy · 04/04/2022 20:03

I saw the I want a woman who is "financially independent" and I thought I'd just like to go out with him and leech for England - just for the fun of it. CF.

BoobsOnTheMoon · 04/04/2022 20:05

Oh yea "no gold diggers" and "no fakes"

Theunamedcat · 04/04/2022 20:11

My kids are my world if you don't like it fuck off/seriously that's the bare minimum I would think you were a cunt if you DIDN'T prioritise your kids

If you have got kids by more than one dad I'm not for you/on a profile that states they are open to more children

Don't expect me to play daddy I am the daddy/no just no