Funny clichéd things that men put on their dating pages....

[bananatwain]

Or women of course but I'm a heterosexual female so wouldn't know!

I'll start:

• 6ft4 because apparently that matters.
• doesn't take life too seriously so if you can't handle sarcasm swipe left
• photos of themselves holding fish
• not sure what to write here

Finding dating pretty uninspiring at the moment as you can probably tell so thought I'd at least get a laugh out of it!

When my friend vetted my matches, she liked the man who I went on to marry because he was smiling in his photos. He looked like he was having fun. Good advice there

I'm doing at reading at wedding soon for a friend who used to give me control of her tinder now and again. I swiped right on the man she's marrying

How does having a photo with a woman prove she hasn't taken out a restraining order?

Well, either that or he's light on his feet or adventurous with a devil may care attitude which I suppose can be virtues of sorts.

COMPLETELY AGREE ABOUT THE HEIGHT THING. Like they don’t realise a lot of women think height is important!! Here is my super long list. I posted this a couple of years ago but it still applies:

Banter
Any reference to sarcasm or being sarcastic
Bed selfies
‘Own house and car’ - yeah me too. So what?
Night in nights out
‘Just ask’
A long list of what they don’t want
Negativity in general
Anything suggesting they have been cheated on in the past - I know a lot of people have but to put it in your profile suggests trust issues
Cats in pictures
Fancy cars - yawn
Bad sunglasses
Wearing sunglasses in all pictures
Cropped cargo trousers (just a personal dislike 😄)
Pouting
Filters
The ‘photoshoot’ - multiple photos with different outfits but same hair and background
Profiles where all photos are selfies - don’t you have friends or go anywhere where someone might take a photo of you?
Same face in every photo (usually these are all selfies too)
Their kids being in every photo
Dodgy looking mates in photos
‘Quirky’ nonsense in-jokes in bios
Profiles that have been using the same photos for years - I have been on and off OLD and still seeing the same photos that have been there since the start! Some photos are even date stamped with ‘2007’ etc
All this ‘INTJ’ or whatever letters describe personality types - I don’t know what they mean and am not interested in someone who would define themselves in this way
Messy backgrounds in photos - like a clothes airer laden with pants etc. One guy even had his curtains hanging back-to-front at the windows
GIVING THE FINGER - an instant no no matter what the rest of the photos/profile are like
‘None of your business’ in job title
Things that play into typical ‘pathetic female’ stereotypes - like men claiming they are good at ‘removing spiders’ - yeah I’m not scared of spiders thanks
Someone who on Bumble claims the person who holds him most accountable is the ‘speed enforcement officer’ - oh so you’re a wanker driver who thinks the rules don’t apply to you? How unattractive
‘Looking for a little spoon’ 🤮🤮🤮
Photos showing them staring at their phone - suggests it’s a habit
References to pineapple on pizza
Anyone who has no bio or writes ‘blah blah blah’ or similar - a lack of effort is not attractive
Photos where they have manipulated the image and have strangely huge eyes or something

I could go on...

Messy backgrounds in photos - like a clothes airer laden with pants etc. One guy even had his curtains hanging back-to-front at the windows

See also valance sheets - a man with a frilly valance must get his bedding changed by his mum? There are a surprising number who happily post mirror pictures with this in the background. The worst I've seen though is someone who posted their main picture in a room (stating own house etc) with a single bed and football club bedding 😆

The worst I've seen though is someone who posted their main picture in a room (stating own house etc) with a single bed and football club bedding

Adventurous - screws around

Affectionate woman sought - schoolboy wants filthy minded older woman with massive tits

Artist - broke, smokes a lot of weed and talks nonsense about crypto-quasi expressionism

Attractive - not attractive

Balding - totally bald

Civil engineer - owns a meccano set

Extrovert - manic

Generous - will cough up for expensive meals but expects favours in return

Late 40's - receiving old age pension

Left wing - heated and wears a duffel coat

'Seeks similar' - utterly narcissist

Professional - civil servant

Solvent - has 12 credit cards

Sparkling personality - hellish bore

Unfulfilled - whiner

Warm - overbearing personality

Bored - boring

Committed - possessive

Help! - last ditch stand by a born failure

Quiet - dull

Quite attractive - quite revolting

I'm loving this thread so much!

I was always amazed at how many 'Directors' there were on dating apps with pics of themselves with flash cars/ in a plane cockpit/ hunting/ out drinking with ladies much better looking than them... always read to me as aka self employed but self important prick!

I know quite a few actual company directors with their own companies. They all describe themselves as truck drivers/ guy who does printing/ farmer/ etc.

I think it’s the random unnattractive bedrooms in the background that fox me. Sometimes the beds not even made, crisp packets on the floor - gordonbennit! But the “sitting inside my car with my shades 😎 on” show the least amount of imagination, always redolent of an old ‘Minder’ episode to me.

HardRockOwl
😂😂😂😂😂

@liveforsummer this has reminded me of the time (some years ago now) I went home with a friend-of-a-friend one night only to find that not only did he still live with his mum but he had a single bed with a racing car duvet cover 😂

Reader, I did not marry him...

A few more I came across in the quite distant past now (because men talking bollocks on dating apps has been going on for quite some years now, way before the invention of Tinder )

Boat owner - part owner of a rotting canal narrow boat

Porsche driver - mechanic. Swipes Porsche when boss is away

Dare you reply? - Don't

Cultured - has read ' one hundred years of solitude' but didn't understand it

Cuddly - drinks a lot of real ale

Discreet - married

Divorced - separated

Friendly - fixed, inane grin , will slobber over you like a Labrador

Hippy ish - lives in a squat

Sci-fi fan - says shit like 'entering warp factor 3!' when changing gear. Don't go there

Professor - old letch

Presentable - owns one suit from matalan

Tall. Difficult one this. Either very short and lying or 7 ft tall and playing it down

Teddy bear - looks like David Bellamy

Writer - unpublished writer

Yep agree about the company director thing. Anybody can be a company director! It means fuck all and most certainly doesn’t mean that you are rich or important.

‘Carpe diem’ which means seize the day in Latin. Meant to give you the impression they’re all about living in the moment. I’d rather be with someone who’s planned for the future and is financially able to retire before they’re 83.

[quote BoobsOnTheMoon]@liveforsummer this has reminded me of the time (some years ago now) I went home with a friend-of-a-friend one night only to find that not only did he still live with his mum but he had a single bed with a racing car duvet cover 😂

Reader, I did not marry him...[/quote]
Feeling triggered because I, as well as a lot of my friends now live with parents 😅😭

A woman who is comfy in jeans and wellies but can also rock stilettos 🤢🤮

Wexler
I’ll give you another 🤢
This is making me miss it !!!!

Anything passive aggressive or generally negative.

Immediate swipe left. Yes old is a cesspit but by putting on that type of stuff you are going to attract the wrong uns.

'I don't need a man....' is one of my favourites

The backgrounds I find staggering. I'm sure no woman would do similar. In bathroom with urinal in background, in kitchen with disgusting mess in background, in living room with stains on sofa and 1920s wallpaper.
I mostly use OLD now as a talking point with my female friends. It's fascinating how bad the profiles generally are. How little effort clearly men have to put in and still some woman would rather have them than be single. Threads on mn about utterly abhorrent husbands who they stay with regardless. It's depressing.

@TedMullins

Photos of them indoor rock climbing Asking for travel tips to Japan No photos of the guy, just photos of cars “I quit my job on a whim and moved to [insert exotic destination]” - they’re either lying, did it off mummy and daddy’s dollar, or feckless perma-gap-yah twats “I’m looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously” - they have as much depth as a birdbath “Into ethical non-monogamy, if that’s not your thing swipe left” (actually saw this a lot from women too) - I’ll use the pretext of polyamory to be a manipulative gaslighter “I’ve got my own house” - and? So have I? What do you want, a medal?

🤣

Which app was this. Sounds lije Hinge.

@TedMullins

@arethereanyleftatall

The backgrounds I find staggering. I'm sure no woman would do similar. In bathroom with urinal in background, in kitchen with disgusting mess in background, in living room with stains on sofa and 1920s wallpaper. I mostly use OLD now as a talking point with my female friends. It's fascinating how bad the profiles generally are. How little effort clearly men have to put in and still some woman would rather have them than be single. Threads on mn about utterly abhorrent husbands who they stay with regardless. It's depressing.

Women often take selfie pics in the venue toilets, metro tiles are very popular. Headshots and shots looking up or down hide the body etc.

My profile just asked.
What is your favorite midget gem?

Tux pic.
Dj pic in a club.
Everyday pic.
Pic of a 50 race-winning horse sticking its head thru my house barn doors.

My funniest message was from a woman who told me she was a ten, she then asked why should she date me?
That's it, that profile matched me with an innumerable number of women, hundreds of dates, and, half a dozen worthy women. One of whom I'm going to marry.

@Hrpuffnstuff1
That woman who messaged you about being a ten. Honestly now...had you messaged her first and was she, objectively, out of your league?

Photos of men sticking their tongues out. I delete immediately. Barf.

tiddlemouse

Yes why why would someone of either gender do that
🤢

I haven't done any online dating in over 10 years, but this is all so familiar!

I cringed every time I saw 'I don't take myself too seriously' - which was pretty much every other profile. Inevitably, these people took themselves very seriously indeed.

I was then, and still remain today, mystified by why so many men online lie about their height. I am tall myself, I'm over 6ft if I wear heels. The number of men who claimed to be 6ft but so very clearly weren't when we met was ridiculous. It's not like you can hide it, it's immediately obvious you're lying! The only thing I could think of was that it was an ego thing - they were so mentally used to rounding up from 5'10" to 6' that they genuinely believed it.

I met DH online dating, so it was clearly worth persevering!