Funny clichéd things that men put on their dating pages....

[bananatwain]

Or women of course but I'm a heterosexual female so wouldn't know!

I'll start:

• 6ft4 because apparently that matters.
• doesn't take life too seriously so if you can't handle sarcasm swipe left
• photos of themselves holding fish
• not sure what to write here

Finding dating pretty uninspiring at the moment as you can probably tell so thought I'd at least get a laugh out of it!

Cliche things on women’s profiles:

“Looking for someone for Sunday cuddles/spooning”
The same generic travel/top of mountain photos men have
Pouting selfies
Something about Harry Potter eg “I’m a Gryffindor”
“I’ve got a boyfriend but I’m looking to explore my bisexuality” (no hun I’m not going to have a threesome with you and your potato faced boyfriend)

Ohhhh yes how could I forget - "big spoon seeks little spoon"

So. Original. [yawn]

This is making me feel somewhat reassured about my own profile mind you. I think I've avoided every single cliché

You are all being mean and don't understand.

Photograph with friends - sociable. That sounds good.
Unsure about which one he is in group photographs - wants to weed out the superficial women just after looks. And money. And those just looking for an alpha male to have children with and dump but treat like an open wallet.
Photograph with fish - outdoorsey and useful in an apocalypse.
Photograph with cycle and lycra - healthy and good for his (surprisingly high number of) age.

Cagey about age - probably young and doesn't want to embarrass the other men on the site. Sensitive to others' feelings.
Photograph with hat on - probably luscious hair and not balding and again doesn't want to embarrass the other men. Very sensitive to others' feelings.
Something about finances and generosity and traditional - You can legitimately feel reassured. Sort of like your father. No, not completely like your father.
Something about the woman's weight and appearance - wants to spare you from any disappointment face to face. Very, very sensitive to your feelings. That will transfer to other aspects of the relationship. Probably.

I don’t mention I have a young child until we've chatted for a bit as don't want to attract weirdos who are possibly looking for women with children.

If I ever go back to online dating, I plan to do the same. I want to filter out anyone who might be more interested in my DC than me. Surely most men would understand?

Anyway, I think some cliches from women include:

“I enjoy both evenings out and quiet evenings in”

“I like cuddles.”

“I like walks along a beach.”

Another cliche from men is:

“Well, I’ve never done this before, so here goes…”

My biggest OLD pet peeve is "fluent in sarcasm".

Translates to "I'm a passive aggressive twat with zero originality".

Oh another one is "here out of morbid curiosity".

@bananatwain

Saw one today 'might let you get to know the real me if you play your cards right' - like it's some kind of weird game.

Also, photos taken from below the chin so can just about count the nose hairs.

That just begs the response 'Nah, you're alright thanks!'

Pics of him standing by a car wearing a tight shirt.

Describes himself as 'an old-fashioned gentleman'.

The most irritating ones were the ones that had a long list of what they didn't want, making themselves sound like absolute nobs in the process. Show some positivity and enthusiasm for pity's sake!

Partner in crime was an automatic disqualification for me. No thank you.

Ok Cupid in its early days was actually a very funny place. Some of the profiles were hilarious. I always tried to make my profile funny.

Pics of him standing by a car wearing a tight shirt.

Or pics of just the car, with no humans at all. I am not planning to date a car.

Good to know they love their cat or dog. Sometimes they include themselves. Sometimes they don't. If that's their only photo... I'm not looking to date a pet animal.

Landscapes with a tiny dot about 3 miles away, which is apparently the person whose profile it is, only you can't make our a single thing about how what they look like at that distance. Not planning on dating a landscape. Nor beach. Nor ski slope. Nor yacht.

The group photos. Yes, it's good you have friends, but there's no indication of which one you are, and again, not planning to date the whole group of you.

The ones with a woman. She may well be their sister, or their adult daughter, or an entirely planning friend. But I don't know that, I don't know that it's not their wife or girlfriend. I'm not planning to date a woman (and if I were, my profile would indicate that.) And they might gave looked happiest on their wedding day,, but even if they've inexpertly scribbled out the wedding dress (except the arm round his,) is it really the best choice for a dating profile?

Children. Of course they should be the priority, but how appropriate is it to have their photos up on a dating profile?

And then they wonder why no one matches them...

Photographs with a child - engage your maternal instinct.
Photographs with a puppy or kitten - more so. Though not maternal as in the giving birth to an animal. He must be responsible.
Photographs with a random woman - engages your spirit of competition. And shows there was a woman somewhere who hadn't taken out a restraining order on him. Which must be a good sign.
Landscape photography - born artist. With a soul.
Photograph with a car - owns a car or can download a photograph - computer programmer or something.
Partners in crime - remembering the old days when OLD was combined with a tool for recruiting a crew for a Hollywood heist. Nostalgic. That's good. Not stalker-ish though. An old fashioned gent would never be a stalker.

What's not to like.

@Zilla1 I love your optimism!!

No drama
Cosy nights on the sofa

Into fitness - either his or the fitness of his beloved to be. Even if she's thirty years younger, don't worry. he'll help you make sure you don't let yourself go. For your own happiness and confidence. No, not body confidence like those size 28's have on the Dove adverts. just confidence like a size 6 might have. Don't worry about becoming over-confident, he'll make sure he puts you in your place. For your own good.

Oh the photos with child. Sometimes not even their own child. I wonder if the mothers of these dc know their images are being used for this 🙈

OMG yes @liveforsummer

"child is my nephew" um WTAF, I'd go ballistic if my brother put one of my kids photos on Tinder!!

"My kids are my world"
I'm a "foodie"
I'm "artsy"
No drama
"Just checking this place out"
"Looking for my queen"

Partner in crime and banter are my 2 buzz words/phrase for swipe left. There's a few others to be honest as well, but they're automatic.

And yeah wtf is with the fucking fish ???

It's called having a hobby. Relaxing by a river or lake is a much better use of time than slouching in front of a TV. And I say this as someone who has never fished in his life.

"My kids are my world"

Why do people get annoyed at children being mentioned on a dating app?

Parents tend to put their children at the centre of their world, yes. I don't even have children and I know this.

Why do people get annoyed at children being mentioned on a dating app?

They're not annoyed so much at them being mentioned, but using their photos.

Photographs with a random woman - engages your spirit of competition. And shows there was a woman somewhere who hadn't taken out a restraining order on him. Which must be a good sign.

How does having a photo with a woman prove she hasn't taken out a restraining order?

I remember chatting to a guy online who I thought was nice, which he was. His pics were of him looking really grumpy though. He did say he isn't good at selfies and I told him he did appear grumpy looking in them (which he took in the humoured way it was meant). A couple of nights later the chat fizzled out, then he disappeared completely.

A little while later he came up again on the dating site, this time with smiley pictures 😁 I like to think I helped that guy! 😆

@marmalade32

Partner in crime and banter are my 2 buzz words/phrase for swipe left. There's a few others to be honest as well, but they're automatic.

Ah, yes, 'banter'. If it's advertised you can pretty much guarantee he's the kind of bloke to bellow 'get your tits out love' and subsequently think there's humour lacking in the woman if she doesn't think it's hilarious. Left.

greasyshoes

"My kids are my world"

Why do people get annoyed at children being mentioned on a dating app?

Because that is taken as read, so you don’t need to proclaim the bleedin obvious and no medals given out for that. Besides, when I read that, I can’t help but hear it in the voice of a Jeremy Kyle Show participant.