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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2022 11:13

What happens if you just aren’t in? If there’s a consequence - we’ll, it’s obviously time to start the process of leaving.

Is that possible?

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 01/04/2022 11:14

Get a key safe on the side of the house.

And put a note in it alongside the key telling him he's a knob

pointythings · 01/04/2022 11:14

There's really only one reasonable response to this decree. It consists of two words, the second of which is Off.

NerrSnerr · 01/04/2022 11:14

I'm asp curious what happens if you're not home and he wants to go our.

NerrSnerr · 01/04/2022 11:15

*out

Vapeyvapevape · 01/04/2022 11:15

What an absolute knob . I would carry on as normal and let him stand on the doorstep. Or actually, seriously consider the relationship. Is he a wanker in other areas too ?

CheshireCats · 01/04/2022 11:16

Well point out all of the things you have said here and say no. He needs to be responsible for himself as a (hopefully) functioning adult. Nip this in the bud now.
He could get a key safe for himself, and be 💯 responsible for putting that key back- that's for him to sort out

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:16

If I'm not in his situation will be all my fault and it will confirm the useless waste of space that I am. It has already happened, he took the kids to school and asked if I would be in when he returned, I said no and left, he hadnt sorted himself a key so rang me as he was locked out on his return and I had to come back and let him in and thus was late for work and on the shitty end of his attitude when I did come back to let him in, u til o pointed out I had told him I'd be out.... least it will be easier to throw him out when the time comes...

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 01/04/2022 11:17

Bizarre.

What’s his reasoning?

IceVolcanoes · 01/04/2022 11:17

Does he think he’s the queen?

My ex used to insist on never carrying any means to pay for anything. It was my job to have cards etc. he couldn’t be expected to burden himself with a wallet.

TroysMammy · 01/04/2022 11:18

Can't you just say "don't be a twat".

AnyFucker · 01/04/2022 11:19

Why are you even acknowledging this ?

The 1st time he goes out without a key, you leave the house for 12 hours. Warn him once. Answer your phone if you wish with just one statement “I told you what would happen if you try and force me to be key monitor”

Stick to your guns. Then examine the rest of your relationship to see if you want to live like this.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:19

His reasoning is literally he doesnt want to have to bother with one anymore. Keys are old fashioned and he is too important to have to think about how he will get into his own house, also, I should be here at all times in my apron and high heels ready to give him a hero's welcome every time he wants to come back to his castle.....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/04/2022 11:20

Oh, and whatever you do, do not come back to let him in

Kdubs1981 · 01/04/2022 11:20

Firstly. Do not EVER disrupt what you are doing to come back and let him in. You are just facilitating his fuckwittery.

Secondly: file for divorce. I'm to totally serious

MrMrsJones · 01/04/2022 11:20

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

If I'm not in his situation will be all my fault and it will confirm the useless waste of space that I am. It has already happened, he took the kids to school and asked if I would be in when he returned, I said no and left, he hadnt sorted himself a key so rang me as he was locked out on his return and I had to come back and let him in and thus was late for work and on the shitty end of his attitude when I did come back to let him in, u til o pointed out I had told him I'd be out.... least it will be easier to throw him out when the time comes...
Seriously he sounds abusive

See a solicitor and get rid of him

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:21

I did laugh at him at the time thinking it was a joke but it transpires to be true...

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 01/04/2022 11:21

Given that key carrying and looking up is a responsibility most secondary school children can manage - I would tell him that you thought you were in a relationship with an adult not a child and that you are not his mummy.

In all seriousness I would look to getting the front door changed to a yale or similar lock that locks behind him so that he does not leave you vulnerable and I would simply ignore the request to leave a key anywhere for him.

00100001 · 01/04/2022 11:21

Oh my fucking god.

Let him be locked out every single fucking time. what a twat.

AlisonDonut · 01/04/2022 11:21

First time he left without a key in my world I'd go away for a few days. Although this is probably the tip of the iceberg.

5zeds · 01/04/2022 11:22

Just ignore it. Get a lock that locks when you shut the door and let him be locked out til he works out how to carry a key. If he gets cross laugh at him.

You are probably way to good for him you know.

pippinsleftleg · 01/04/2022 11:23

Should be easy to lock him out…

Vapeyvapevape · 01/04/2022 11:24

This sounds more serious than just not carrying a key. He is abusing you Op.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/04/2022 11:25

Get a key safe on the side of the house

This is not the OPs problem to find a solution to.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:25

This is just the icing on the cake of fuckwittery I have put up with over the last few years, and I'm making a plan to leave asap. Now I've seen him for what he is (anyone needing- 'loose a cheater again a life' really helped me!!) I cant help but laugh at what an autrociously(sp?? Autocorrected to ferociously which would fit!!) Entitled prick he is. In the past I would have pandered to his every whim to prove what a perfect and wonderful person I am, worthy of his love.

OP posts: