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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 01/04/2022 11:56

You two definitely need to sympathize with each other then! Hope you can both get out soon
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4489542-My-important-husband-asked-me-to-create-an-instagram-page-spreading-awareness-of-his-brand?pg=16

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/04/2022 11:57

Haha mine goes this, we just go out and lock up behind us as normal. If we're not home when he gets back, tough.
He's changed his ways since he came back to a locked up house needing a poo, but I've been putting up with the silliness for 28 years. My adult daughter living at home is fully on my side on this.

trollopolis · 01/04/2022 11:57

Tell him it's only 5 mins to midday, and this April Fool wasn't funny.

And keep gathering the strength to deal with all the other shit. Does he have any redeeming features?

speakout · 01/04/2022 11:57

Why have you set your bar so low OP?

DrSbaitso · 01/04/2022 11:58

Oh God, OP, I've just properly caught up.

The time to leave is now. He's literally trying to make you a prisoner. Change the lock the way I outlined before and just carry on like that until you're successfully detached from this colossal shit.

iklboo · 01/04/2022 11:58

Aye right. Jog on mate.

Fairislefandango · 01/04/2022 11:58

What a Grade A arsehole he is. Please leave him as soon as is feasible, OP. And come back and tell MN when you do - it's always great to hear that one more woman has dumped one of these utter, utter twats.

Igmum · 01/04/2022 11:58

Another vote for knob here. So pleased you plan to leave this utter fuckwit. Can Mumsnetters help you get your ducks in a row? (Sounds like he's helping with the locking him out part of the process)

Georgeskitchen · 01/04/2022 11:59

Sorry to be blunt but he's a wanker. I would put all his belongings on the doorstep and go away for a night

NeedAHoliday2021 · 01/04/2022 11:59

I would plan to be out literally every time dh was due home (mostly I’d be at solicitors appointments planning our divorce).

Thinkingblonde · 01/04/2022 12:00

I’d laugh at him and say you’re a bit old to be trying April Fools jokes, good effort but must try harder

FlowerArranger · 01/04/2022 12:00

Lose a cheater, gain a life.

Don’t get angry. Get even…

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Etc etc Flowers

frazzledasarock · 01/04/2022 12:00

Tell him you’ll absolutely be in.

Go off to a friends and stay there overnight. Extra points for picking a day when it’s pouring or snowing. Leave the fucker to drown/freeze.

Soubriquet · 01/04/2022 12:01

Get a key safe.

I wouldn’t be coming home to let his highness in

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 12:01

@spacehardware

Sounds like another self declared 'alpha' with a coke habit

Has he been watching downton Abbey and fancies having a footman?

Why have you put up with this cunt to date? You don't work? Neptune kitchen and David Lloyd membership right?

Nope. I work I have a very good, professional job. No gym membership and I dont even know what that kitchen thing is. I've just been abused for 20 years and made to believe I'm worthless and he is god and I've been stupid and belived it and spent 20 years pandering to an awful man. I had no idea. Until just a few weeks ago I genuinely thought he was gifted to me and I was wholly unworthy and therefore I had to be perfect in every way to keep him. Now I can see it I wont be putting up with it much longer.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 12:02

@trollopolis

Tell him it's only 5 mins to midday, and this April Fool wasn't funny.

And keep gathering the strength to deal with all the other shit. Does he have any redeeming features?

None at all anymore.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 12:04

@speakout

Why have you set your bar so low OP?
I guess I'll be working that out in therapy...
OP posts:
HollysBush · 01/04/2022 12:04

What changed that you’ve now realised he’s a knob?

HeatherShiver · 01/04/2022 12:04

Lock him out permanently.
He is awful.

lborgia · 01/04/2022 12:04

I got a shiver down my back reading this - obviously it can’t be the person I was with, because that would be bonkers, but something about the joggers, and your blind trust for the past 20 years ..

Anyway, I’m so relieved you have seen the light. Would it be too nosy to ask what the last straw (only straw?!) was?

dreamkitchenhelp · 01/04/2022 12:05

What I can't get over, is him refusing to lock up after he leaves for work keeping you and the kids safe while you are still in bed. This speaks volumes to me.
You are worth so much more, good luck with the escape plan. Make it happen.

Wellthisiscrapeh · 01/04/2022 12:05

Good for you that you’ve seen the light.

He’s going to get quite a shock when you do leave him after the number he’s done on you all these years.

Thinkingblonde · 01/04/2022 12:07

You are not worthless, far from it. I’m pleased you’re seeing him for what he is
Good luck to you OP. Make a better life for yourself.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 12:07

@HollysBush

What changed that you’ve now realised he’s a knob?
The second time I found out hed been with his OW. Was like the realisation flooded me. Then I read loose a cheater again a life and some other books and slowly I've been able to see him for what he really is. It's taken a while, probably still not there fully yet but the rose tinted glasses are off at least.
OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 01/04/2022 12:08

Omg get your joggers on in the hope he does you a favour and fucks off