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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What could I text after being ghosted?

195 replies

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:11

..after having sex.

I know the advice is usually not to bother sending anything and I tend to agree but I've known this person for many years and I thought we had a mutual respect for one another so I'm quite hurt by the disrespect.

FWIW I don't even want a reply from him now, but I do want to pull him up on being so rude and make sure he knows not to bother me again in the future.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 31/03/2022 21:12

Just don’t. He won’t be pulled up. Delete his number so you can’t text him.

bloodywhitecat · 31/03/2022 21:13

Text nothing. Nothing you text will pull him up on his behaviour or embarrass him. Just block his number. I am sorry he feels fit to treat you this way, says more about him than you though.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:16

It has been a shitty few months and this was the icing on the cake.

In an ideal world I'd send a witty text, reclaim some dignity and prompt him to assess how he treats women. You're probably right though there's little point.

OP posts:
countrylady2 · 31/03/2022 21:20

Don't bother, let him be someone else's problem. Why should you have to teach him how to behave respectfully.

Savoretti · 31/03/2022 21:22

Anything you message will show him you are rattled.
Silence from you is the best reply

CaMePlaitPas · 31/03/2022 21:23

He doesn't even deserve a text. The best thing you can do is block his number and move on.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 31/03/2022 21:24

Block him and move on.

Baxdream · 31/03/2022 21:24

Have you messaged him though? Or have neither of you messaged each other?

mistermagpie · 31/03/2022 21:24

There is nothing you can text that would reclaim your dignity or make him realise the error of his ways or anything like that, it's a pointless endeavour.

It's shit behaviour but people who do that don't care about you, so you shouldn't care about them. Delete his number and forget it.

CaMePlaitPas · 31/03/2022 21:24

You haven't lost any dignity, you're a grown woman who had sex, it's not morally wrong.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:25

@countrylady2

Don't bother, let him be someone else's problem. Why should you have to teach him how to behave respectfully.
I shouldn't, although I do feel like shitty behaviour shouldn't go unaddressed and perhaps if these men were held to account on occasion they might but obviously won't think about having a bit of common decency next time.

I won't send anything, I'll just inwardly seeth until I get over it Grin

OP posts:
Malariahilaria · 31/03/2022 21:25

Do not send a single message. I know you want to, to have closure but he's made his position clear. Delete, block, move on.

niceupthedanceagain · 31/03/2022 21:28

Don't send a text, send some anonymous prawns by second class post . (I'm joking of course but I think it's shit people are just allowed to get away with crap behaviour in the name of 'dignity').

DSGR · 31/03/2022 21:28

Definitely don’t send anything. He won’t reply and actually you’ll feel worse.
He won’t want a lesson in behaving from you, he’ll know he’s been rude.. but he got what he wanted and that’s it on his mind
Far more dignified to stay silent

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:31

@Baxdream

Have you messaged him though? Or have neither of you messaged each other?
I messaged him the following day saying it was nice to see him and thanks for a fun evening. He read it immediately but waited until the next day to reply with a very short message simply saying "You too!"

I asked how his day was and whether he had any plans this weekend and got left on read.

I would have been fine with him saying he wasn't looking to see me again, I would have liked to preserve what I thought was a friendship. Bugger to that now. I feel humiliated.

It went from much longer, multiple texts in a row, to this.. as soon as he got his leg over.

OP posts:
wheresmyzebra · 31/03/2022 21:32

I'm really sorry that this happened to you - it's happened to me, too. I did send him a very carefully worded text which made me feel better for about 10 mins, but then I felt even worse when there was no response from him. Six months later I'm still slightly annoyed about his lack of response when I think about it! So if possible, try to resist the temptation to want to shame him into having some manners - some people just don't have any...

Deedee121 · 31/03/2022 21:37

Block him

Nopetryagain · 31/03/2022 21:37

I agree that you shouldn’t text him but if you feel you must I would just say “you know you really aren’t that special so get over yourself” and then block immediately.

UserLibra78 · 31/03/2022 21:42

Was it a good night OP? I wouldn’t bother texting him to be honest. His loss

lisaandalan · 31/03/2022 21:49

Why bother, it won't change him, he only cares about himself and his own needs. X

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/03/2022 21:49

I wouldn’t text.

But it would be terribly tempting to ask if he was itchy….

Ugzbugz · 31/03/2022 21:52

Its so rude and annoying but wonder if he's already blocked you? He won't take on board what you say anyway so block and delete the sad sack.

TiddleyWink · 31/03/2022 21:53

TBH I think you shouldn’t have text him again after the ‘you too!’ message as that was clearly a brush off. Replying breezily I’m a closed way, a day later was never a good sign. DEFINITELY don’t text him again now. Move on and be aloof and unbothered if you see him again (assume you will if you’ve known him ages).

MasFina · 31/03/2022 21:59

I disagree about not texting. It depends what you write and how it’s said though.

I’d be tempted to write a short neutral message to point out that you won’t be contacting him again but that he has no manners and he’s shown himself to be a dick by not communicating. Or something along those lines.

If he’s really clueless, and it sounds like he is, silence from you could simply be read as acceptance rather than indifference. Sometimes people need to be shamed.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 22:05

He hasn't blocked me as I can still see him on WhatsApp and Facebook and Instagram where we are friends.

I agree about his breezy but closed reply 24 hours later being telling of his intentions.

What a tosspot.

I've been going over the evening and wondering whether I said or did something in particular that put him off. Does he have the famous 'ick' Confused

OP posts: