Page 3 | What could I text after being ghosted?

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 2022-03-31T20:11:20+00:00

..after having sex. I know the advice is usually not to bother sending anything and I tend to agree but I've known this person for many years and I thought we had a mutual respect for one another so I'm quite hurt by the disrespect. FWIW I don't even want a reply from him now, but I do want to pull him up on being so rude and make sure he knows not to bother me again in the future.

Sonaftersonafterson · 31/03/2022 23:00

Oh, also

When he tries to crawl back, which he WILL (they all do) then reply breezily saying no thanks and vaguely reference that the sex was a bit shit. 😁

cantbecoping · 31/03/2022 23:01

His lack of response has spoken volumes, you texting how much of a dick he is just shows how much it has affected you. I wouldn’t give him that particular parting gift, he hasn't earned it. What he has earned is silence, indifference and the inability to use your annoyance as a cloth to shine his knob with. Let him go.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 31/03/2022 23:02

It's not your job, OP, to tell ill-mannered POS's how to behave,

It doesn't matter what history you did or didn't have, he acted like an a-hole and knows it.

Delete/flush, block, move on.

I'm sorry that this happened, it's really tacky x

Original poster

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 23:03

And I'll tell you now, he won't have a chuffing clue about March being the month you had your miscarriage

You will be absolutely correct. No doubt about it.

He was visibly distressed when I was going through it, he cried when we left the hospital but then he got over it very quickly.. whereas I didn't.

I don't tend to think about it much these days, atleast I didn't until now. I felt I had processed it and put it behind me, but all of this has taken me back a bit and I'm just gutted that he of all people could treat me like this.

What a wanker.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 23:05

@Onthedunes

Is he single at present ?

He claimed to be, his social media certainly says he is.

I suppose there's just no way of knowing for sure though.

OP posts:

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 31/03/2022 23:06

You are hurt and annoyed with him right now but please don't text him. You will be even more annoyed when he doesn't reply to you again and honestly it won't make you feel better.
He knows you are available if he wants you. He has chosen to leave it.
It could be because he has misgivings about sleeping with you, it could be because he didn't and doesn't feel anything for you. Who knows. Texting him won't make any difference to how he is and how he has or will treat you. It will make you feel better for five minutes and you will regret it then. Your silence says more than words and you will thank yourself in the future for not rising to him.

On the upside, you know he doesn't respect you and doesn't want to have a relationship and be thankful you found out now before he has the time to hurt you deeper than he has already.

Block him so you won't give him any more headspace wondering if he has or might respond.

Original poster

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 23:11

My confidence has taken a bit of a kicking to be honest. I certainly won't give him the opportunity to do it twice.

It's humiliating when this happens after sex, it's only ever happened to me once before (maybe I'm fortunate in that aspect?) but both times it has felt like a slap in the face and made me wonder if there's something wrong with me to give them the "ick"

OP posts:

GentlemanJayFab · 31/03/2022 23:14

@Savoretti

Anything you message will show him you are rattled. Silence from you is the best reply

I like this. My approach.

GentlemanJayFab · 31/03/2022 23:19

Someone ghosted me. I didn't message her again. Three years to the week later she messaged again. I called her out with "do you know it's exactly three years since you ghosted me". I then took great delight in ignoring her follow up messages.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 31/03/2022 23:19

You haven't given them the 'ick' at all. If you did, they wouldn't have slept with you .

They wanted sex. You were there. They liked you but not enough. We've all been with people we've felt like that about. It sucks when you are on the receiving end of it though. I've been there OP along and there are many of us on this website who have been there too. You will be ok. Remember that while you aren't wasting your time and energy on this guy, you are freer to meet the next person.

Onthedunes · 31/03/2022 23:29

wonder if there's something wrong with me to give them the "ick" confused

Don't be silly, you were with him for a year and a half, he said he missed you.

There is absolutely no reason for your confidence to be affected, he probably just has other commitments now or is a selfish bastard.

If he contacts again just ignor or as my daughter would do, just politely turn them down and tell him you are busy and unavailable.
That way it looks like your not pissed at him, some men really get off on it when you get upset.

Original poster

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 23:37

Alot of good advice here thank you, and thank you for the kind words.

I think logically I know it's no shortcoming of mine and it's more likely to do with him just being an arsehole, but then there's a smaller part of me wondering If it's something as shallow as the fact I've put on a little bit of weight since he last saw me (not an enormous amount, I'm not obese but definitely a little heavier than I was) and as such I'm no longer as aesthetically pleasing in the nude.

I know men can be shallow about things like that but even so, whatever the reason he's gone off me after a shag I deserve a damn lot more respect than he has shown me.

He's definitely blown it if he thinks that'll ever happen again if he ever did try his luck in the future.

OP posts:

BlueFlavour · 31/03/2022 23:50

It really isn’t you. It’s whatever is going on in his head. Who knows? Maybe even he doesn’t.
You are lovable.
I would have to text. Have a think about what you want to say, honestly, then tell him.
I’m sorry about your miscarriage.

Frogium · 31/03/2022 23:51

Disagree about not texting. Women are always forced to be dignified, stay silent and not show their emotions when upset and angry. It's another facet of misogyny. Suffering in silence is never going to get you respect.

Text him and tell him what you think in a polite manner, and then block him.

JustKittenAround · 01/04/2022 00:00

OP there is no amount of weight you could put on that would make his treatment of you valid.

You did not give him the ick. The ick is after a some time you sort of become repulsed by your partner sexually and this man was definitely feeling you that night.

It is not you. This is all him. He a mean idiot.

I would be silent because while it feels good to call a man out, it is truly a hollow victory. He knows what he is doing. He knows you well enough to understand how this treatment is hurtful and still chooses to do it. You can call him out all you want but it won’t matter because he already knows.

Silence is effective because it is unexpected. Psychologically silence will prey upon his mind and make him curious as to why you weren’t chasing him. It gives him the space to experience your absence and wonder.

What makes silence the best choice is yes keeping dignity but also because it is the single most powerful thing you can do. If anything will teach him a lesson it will be silence and the way it preys upon someone’s mind in situations like these.

Calling him out only makes you feel good for a moment and makes it easier for them to feel solidified in their choices. It really isn’t the way to go if you want to play it smart. Deny this loser access to you, don’t show him anything anymore. Not even your anger.

I am sorry this has happened to you. He will try to slither his way round again, they always do. Now you just have to get through this little bad patch and be strong enough to not let it happen again…

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 01/04/2022 00:04

JustKittenAround

What an excellent post. I wish I had read that when I was chasing a guy who treated me badly. I redden even now fifteen years later when I remember how I berated a guy who didn’t give a damn.

cantbecoping · 01/04/2022 00:06

@JustKittenAround

OP there is no amount of weight you could put on that would make his treatment of you valid.

You did not give him the ick. The ick is after a some time you sort of become repulsed by your partner sexually and this man was definitely feeling you that night.

It is not you. This is all him. He a mean idiot.

I would be silent because while it feels good to call a man out, it is truly a hollow victory. He knows what he is doing. He knows you well enough to understand how this treatment is hurtful and still chooses to do it. You can call him out all you want but it won’t matter because he already knows.

Silence is effective because it is unexpected. Psychologically silence will prey upon his mind and make him curious as to why you weren’t chasing him. It gives him the space to experience your absence and wonder.

What makes silence the best choice is yes keeping dignity but also because it is the single most powerful thing you can do. If anything will teach him a lesson it will be silence and the way it preys upon someone’s mind in situations like these.

Calling him out only makes you feel good for a moment and makes it easier for them to feel solidified in their choices. It really isn’t the way to go if you want to play it smart. Deny this loser access to you, don’t show him anything anymore. Not even your anger.

I am sorry this has happened to you. He will try to slither his way round again, they always do. Now you just have to get through this little bad patch and be strong enough to not let it happen again…

Absolutely.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/04/2022 00:06

I'd save the text for when he gets in touch again, and he will when he wants another shag.

When he does I suggest lots of laughing emojis followed by "Please tell me you are joking!" and when he says no "Oh please, do I look hard up?!" THEN block!

jytdtysrht · 01/04/2022 00:16

I’d just do nothing.

If he texts again don’t reply.

Ghost him.

Perime · 01/04/2022 00:16

He'll be back with some excuse - are his grannies still alive? Block and move on

Watchkeys · 01/04/2022 00:19

Dignity isn't something you get from sending a text. It's something you have, deep inside you, that prevents you from rising to emotionally inflammatory treatment.

Silence is dignity. Educating him about who he is is beneath you.

Turn your back, walk away.

perimenofertility · 01/04/2022 00:23

"March is the anniversary of when I lost the baby so his timing for being a c* is impeccable."

I'd be texting him that. Nothing else needed! Sorry for your loss.

CheekyHobson · 01/04/2022 00:23

He's a grown man, and therefore old enough to know how to treat other people with respect and do so if he wants to.

A text message telling-off from you will make zero difference to him for the obvious reason that he either doesn't have any respect for you in particular, or other people in general. If he did, he would have behaved differently.

You say you want to 'reclaim some dignity' but you don't need to contact him to do this.

You have realised that you did not know this person as well as you thought you did, so you can reclaim any potential loss of dignity by asking yourself carefully if there was anything at all in his previous behaviour that could have given you a clue that he might behave as he has.

If there really wasn't anything, then you can conclude that he puts up a very good facade, and you should feel no loss of dignity in having taken him at his word. All the shame is with him.

If you realise there were in fact some potential red flags that you overlooked in your excitement to get laid, then your dignity is reclaimed by recognising your own fault in the matter and resolving not to repeat it.

Once you've done this exercise, block him, dust off your hands and go buy yourself some flowers.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 01/04/2022 00:28

Any response simply means you want/expected more than he did. Silence is golden. He will get in touch again at some point, which is when you text back 'who's this?' Then block.

StrangerYears · 01/04/2022 02:40

I'm not sure why 'dignified silence' is the recommended way.

OK I can see that a plethora of begging texts is too much, but a text calling him out- especially in light of your previous relationship- is good and cathartic.

" I thought you might have matured during the last 6 years, but obviously not' is succinct and might make you feel better.