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Original poster

What could I text after being ghosted?

195 replies

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:11

..after having sex.

I know the advice is usually not to bother sending anything and I tend to agree but I've known this person for many years and I thought we had a mutual respect for one another so I'm quite hurt by the disrespect.

FWIW I don't even want a reply from him now, but I do want to pull him up on being so rude and make sure he knows not to bother me again in the future.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 11:21

WAIT TO REPLY

Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 11:21

You will reply, I'm sure Grinbut please try and wait just a bit so he doesn't think you're there dangling

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 11:24

Now the question is.. has he text me because he wants to or has he seen the slighyly passive aggressive I admit meme I shared from my friends page that says "when somebody shows you who they are, believe them" and wants to clear his conscience hmmmm...

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 11:25

I'm going to reply later this afternoon/early evening. Thou shalt not jump Grin

OP posts:
waterrat · 01/04/2022 11:27

Hello can I offer another perspective.

I don't think this is ghosting. Ghosting is when someone vanishes from an established relationship. I think he is rude for sure but let's be honest....you hooked up for the night and the fact thst he took a day to send an offhand message was a totally clear signal he was not interested in more.

I actually don't think it's a crime. People are allowed to have one night stands. Yes it's not great manners but it is just an easy way out. Have you never kissed someone then nit fancied seeing them again?

You had been given the information that he was not interested when he didn't reply for q day. I'd ask why you then sent more questions. ? He obviously doesn't want to get drawn into chatting when he isn't keen for a repeat.

There is nothing wrong with one night stands so don't take it as a rejection. He just didn't want more.

As I said. Yep it's rude but I think you are overreacting to want to send a message...he truly won't learn anything he will just think you are really keen on him !

waterrat · 01/04/2022 11:29

And op. Please don't see him again now ye has dangled a barely polite text your way. He is not making an effort at all !

Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 11:30

I'm 100% it's not conscience Grin
If you want to be in touch with him good luck but prepare yourself he might be a knob

aalidfeie · 01/04/2022 11:34

Absolutely delete, block him. He has shown the upmost of disrespect by doing that and do not let him have an avenue of coming back creeping like THEY ALL DO. Let you be a figment of his fucking imagination from now on and move on and find someone nice and decent. I can't stand men who do this, like who do they think they are.
I can totally understand the want to text him, as I would be so fuming, but dont give them the satisfaction, they don't actually care. Some men are so deluded that they think any attention even negative is a sign that you adore them - ego etc.
Let this little twerp die off - metaphorically of course!

aalidfeie · 01/04/2022 11:40

@waterrat

Hello can I offer another perspective.

I don't think this is ghosting. Ghosting is when someone vanishes from an established relationship. I think he is rude for sure but let's be honest....you hooked up for the night and the fact thst he took a day to send an offhand message was a totally clear signal he was not interested in more.

I actually don't think it's a crime. People are allowed to have one night stands. Yes it's not great manners but it is just an easy way out. Have you never kissed someone then nit fancied seeing them again?

You had been given the information that he was not interested when he didn't reply for q day. I'd ask why you then sent more questions. ? He obviously doesn't want to get drawn into chatting when he isn't keen for a repeat.

There is nothing wrong with one night stands so don't take it as a rejection. He just didn't want more.

As I said. Yep it's rude but I think you are overreacting to want to send a message...he truly won't learn anything he will just think you are really keen on him !

I do also agree with this but I wonder if he did the whole "boyfriend" thing that a lot of men do. one night stands are different, both people know usually what they are getting into and fair enough if the other doesnt want to carry on, so be it. But, there are a lot of men who do this whole boyfriendy type thing, then they get what they want and then bounce. I feel that the OP is confused perhaps because this has happened and she did say she knew him for many years.
It would be great if people were better at saying, hey great time last night but not sure I would like to carry on and hope we can remain friendly instead of making people feel shit by being wishy washy. Especially if they have known each other for a long time. Personally if someone did that to me I would be upset but I would deffo just block them and never speak to them again.
aalidfeie · 01/04/2022 11:46

@TeaMilkAnd2Sugars

Now the question is.. has he text me because he wants to or has he seen the slighyly passive aggressive I admit meme I shared from my friends page that says "when somebody shows you who they are, believe them" and wants to clear his conscience hmmmm...
I honestly dont think men read things like that and think it is about them tbh.

He prob just wants a shag and thinks that the mere breadcrumbs of hello darling, after being quiet in between is enough to get your knees trembling.

The fact that you have stressed out about this and posted on a message board tells me this guy isnt good for you, the communication style isnt the same, so it is always going to be painful. Block delete move it on I say.

My other thought was that he may have a partner? Seems shady.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/04/2022 11:52

I’d say
Thanks for the ghosting pal
After our long association I expected a a degree more civility and respect ?
Clearly not
Disappointing

Chickenwing2 · 01/04/2022 11:54

Don't reply at all. You ghost him now.

Notwithittoday · 01/04/2022 11:55

Oh god don’t. Just ghost him right back!

ravenmum · 01/04/2022 12:00

"Fine thanks, and you?"
Then ignore.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 01/04/2022 12:01

Now is the perfect time to ghost him. Block him. At least then you know you won't be in the same position as this in the future.

isthismylifenow · 01/04/2022 12:11

Would he usually use the term 'darling'?

iklboo · 01/04/2022 12:17

I'm with @aalidfeie - he's after a weekend shag.

B1rdflyinghigh · 01/04/2022 12:19

Bide your time. They always come back...then say what you want to. Rehearse what you're going to say in readiness.

teaandchocolate1 · 01/04/2022 12:23

@TeaMilkAnd2Sugars

Well shit the bed he's just text me

"Hello darling, how are you?xx"

Fantastic. Now you ignore him. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT reply to his message.
Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 12:26

He uses the term 'darling' alot in my experience yes.

I opened the message and left it on read, shortly after that he sent another one asking if I'd like to meet for a drink.

He's definitely after a weekend shag isn't he. I haven't replied yet.

Deliberating whether to pull him up on the silence after the last time.

I couldn't meet him this weekend now anyway even if I was so inclined as I made other plans.

OP posts:
csectionrecovery · 01/04/2022 12:28

If you're after a weekend shag as well, reply. If you're looking for a partner to build a relationship with, run.

MadeForThis · 01/04/2022 12:28

I wouldn't ghost him.

You know how he is willing to treat you and you are no longer interested in seeing him.

Dump him.

Text back to say that it was nice to catch up but another date probably isn't a good idea.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2022 12:33

I don’t agree with ignoring and blocking / deleting. I don’t think you should jump either. Looking at it from his pov, you dumped him so he’s perhaps wary… or this could just be a booty call.

Maybe have a think about what your boundaries are then send something really simple like ravenmum has suggested. If he’s interested, he will want to do stuff with you, chase you and not just be up for sex. If it’s just sex he’s after, your dignity is intact right now and you’re only going to accept being first choice so just sex won’t be on the table.

Onthedunes · 01/04/2022 12:33

Just tell him someone else texted and you have already arranged a date for the weekend.

Sorry.

GalaPie · 01/04/2022 12:35

I knew he would text today - when he realised that there were no 'sure shags' lined up for the weekend. You deserve better. Just block.