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Original poster

What could I text after being ghosted?

195 replies

TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 31/03/2022 21:11

..after having sex.

I know the advice is usually not to bother sending anything and I tend to agree but I've known this person for many years and I thought we had a mutual respect for one another so I'm quite hurt by the disrespect.

FWIW I don't even want a reply from him now, but I do want to pull him up on being so rude and make sure he knows not to bother me again in the future.

OP posts:
Femalewoman · 01/04/2022 12:42

I feel for you @TeaMilkAnd2Sugars it hurts. When I was dating a few years ago I was getting to know someone quite well and seemed to be on the same wavelength, we hadn't had sex but he suddenly stopped replying to messages. It hurt and unfortunately I messaged a bit hoping he would reply. I realised he was a rude dick and unworthy of my attention. The same for the bloke that ghosted you, a dick and unworthy of your attention so don't give him anymore of it.

Block him. People that ghost are cowards unable to find words to say whatever they need to say and not really worth any further attention.

Femalewoman · 01/04/2022 12:44

@waterrat

And op. Please don't see him again now ye has dangled a barely polite text your way. He is not making an effort at all !
Oh dear I should have read the updates. My failure.

Ah don't rush back because he dangled in your direction. The weekend is coming. Or you rush back rinse and repeat and see what happens.

ZibbleDibble · 01/04/2022 12:49

Look up Lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram. She’s very helpful when it comes to this sort of thing. She has a book out too which I’d recommend

bjrce · 01/04/2022 12:50

"I'm going to reply later this afternoon/early evening. Thou shalt not jump "

OP, please don't respond today! Of course he's setting you up for his "weekend Shag" apologies for the crude term!

DON'T Pull him up on his shitty behaviour - that'll show him you still care!

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore! at ;least for the next 24Hrs.

Let him dangle for a change!

Silence is Power!

StellaAndCrow · 01/04/2022 13:22

@PyongyangKipperbang

I'd save the text for when he gets in touch again, and he will when he wants another shag.

When he does I suggest lots of laughing emojis followed by "Please tell me you are joking!" and when he says no "Oh please, do I look hard up?!" THEN block!

Yes, that will be a good closure opportunity.
RoundGlass · 01/04/2022 13:25

I wouldn't respond until after the weekend.

But then, if I was at the point of playing games it would be more sensible just to ignore him.

waterrat · 01/04/2022 13:25

God op I can't believe you are considering seeing him again. He has shown extremely clearly he has no respect for you. If he was keen ir even wanted to be respectful he would have replied to your first message in a polite way.

He hasn't seen the meme and he really doesn't care how you feel. I'm sorry if this seems harsh he is texting you because you have already made it clear you have no boundaries.. when you send him more questions after he ignored you fir a day

Journeynotdestination · 01/04/2022 13:42

Urgh what a world class bell-end he is. Grim. I would just ignore him…forever!!

Gonnagetgoing · 01/04/2022 13:43

He's definitely playing games and after a weekend shag.

You could reply to his text with a 'fine thanks'. and then ignore. But you owe him nothing.

I've sadly worked out/learned from my various relationships/platonic friendships with men that the vast majority of them are major bell-ends who don't care in the same way that women do and often don't have a conscience either.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 14:11

I'm going to give it a couple of hours and then respond with something like this which I've drafted up:

"Hi, I'm fine thanks. As you didn't respond to my previous message I made other plans so Im not going to be free. I was surprised you chose to ignore me all week after we slept together though as I expected better from you"

I'll report back with his response.

I don't think it would be a good idea to see him again as its left a bit of a bitter taste to be honest, plus I have children and a busy life so I don't want to be putting myself out for somebody who couldn't even have the courtesy to lay his cards out on the table.

I feel better for the fact he has been in touch, empowered in a sense as now the ball is in my court.

OP posts:
stripeyflowers · 01/04/2022 14:20

He doesn't deserve your time and energy. Kick the stuffing out a pillow or write an email/text/letter saying exactly how you feel to get it out of your system but, of course, don't send it.

It just seems a bit needy to contact him to tell him you won't be contacting him again.

Sux2buthen · 01/04/2022 14:33

Nah I'd tell him.

KimCheese · 01/04/2022 14:45

I guess this also depends on where you are at, and where he is at. I'm not excusing his behaviour, I've learned too that it's a hiding to nothing.

But without definition to your situation I'd hazard that it's not clear for either of you. What did you want when you texted earlier in the week about what he was up to? Did you want that to lead to a discussion about another date? Did you want to chat all week?

Again, not defending his ignoring of your messages, but I'm curious if there's a mismatch of expectation here too. If he's interested and you are too, then set the boundary now. If it's closure and never again, set that boundary now.

WaiveringKate · 01/04/2022 14:46

There is nothing to say really. I ended up pulling mine up on it and it ended badly (for me) I embarrassed myself. It hurts greatly, though.

Honeyroar · 01/04/2022 14:52

I think I d be tempted to say something, but it would be much better to leave it until next time he surfaced and got suggestive. Then you could say “oh no thanks, last time was a mistake, let’s not repeat it.”

cherrysthename · 01/04/2022 15:00

I agree with PP, you haven't been ghosted.

He just didn't respond to your liking. You somehow think this means he disrespects you. I'm sure he doesn't. Sex isn't a relationship contract, not between healthy adults anyway. Unless you felt pressured into it by him talking about wanting to be with you etc. The sex was consensual, yes? Then take it for what it was! An enjoyable, fun evening.

Hollywolly1 · 01/04/2022 15:14

Tbh I think you are moving waaaay to fast here first of all you slept with him soon after meeting up with him,you should have given it a while to see what his intentions were
Secondly men are men they don't think like women
Thirdly ,do not meet him this weekend as you have other plans and you are also showing him you are not as eager as he thought therfore he will have way more respect for you and this could turn into a loving relationship but cool your jets and take your time.Please do not give any weird texts as you are better to say nothing,play your cards close to your chest girl,be clever.
Fourthly,you must take some responsibility for sleeping with him yourself as I'm sure you weren't forced to so when you feel angry about him or silently seeth you may cut that anger in half.I am sorry to hear about miscarriage but men process that differently and doesn't mean they hurting any less

Onthedunes · 01/04/2022 15:16

It's not a question of right or wrong.

You both had consensual sex, he has displayed that this is his only motive, to have sex.

If you wish to have sex with someone who wants nothing more, at the moment then proceed and have more sex.
This game men and women play is not a guessing game, does he like me or not, maybe he's trying to play hard to get.

It doesn't matter, what you do know is if this is how he operates then even if you did have a relationship, his way of dealing with your feelings and emotions will be along a similar vein.

He wants to be the one in control.

Oneonetheracehorse · 01/04/2022 15:18

Don't send that message. Saying 'as you didn't respond I made other plans' makes it sound as if you are a lot more to each other than you are.

He hasn't ghosted you, you slept together consensually and you have a history. He doesn't owe you anything and while it can be hurtful if you're more invested than the other person, it doesn't mean they have done something wrong.

Don't overcomplicated it- if you're happy to keep it light and see where it goes, do it. But if you're still a but vulnerable and raw from your history to even have something light with him then maybe just leave it and move on.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 15:19

What did you want when you texted earlier in the week about what he was up to? Did you want that to lead to a discussion about another date? Did you want to chat all week?

I was going to see whether he wanted to do something this weekend, dinner and perhaps drinks again. I had hoped he'd be the one to initiate that but when he didn't, I was going to, but then got left on read.

I made other plans after a few days as it felt very much like a brush off.

I agree with PP, you haven't been ghosted. He just didn't respond to your liking. You somehow think this means he disrespects you. I'm sure he doesn't. Sex isn't a relationship contract, not between healthy adults anyway. Unless you felt pressured into it by him talking about wanting to be with you etc. The sex was consensual, yes? Then take it for what it was! An enjoyable, fun evening.

That's a good view point. I didn't feel pressurised no. I was very much an enthusiastic participant!

OP posts:
wtfwasthatmate · 01/04/2022 15:23

New fone. Who dis?

Laserbird16 · 01/04/2022 15:23

I wouldn't send that. He's just angling for sex. I'd reply that you're busy, lots planned this weekend and actually the next few weekends and you'll be in touch...then never contact him again muwahaha

Inthesameboatatmo · 01/04/2022 15:39

I also disagree about not texting. I will always call then out on it now. Why should we as women put up with shitty behaviour ffs . Send a scathing message and tell him what a prick he is then block immediately op.

Original poster
TeaMilkAnd2Sugars · 01/04/2022 15:39

So I sent the message that I wrote above.

I got a rambling one back.

In summary:

He said he wanted to see me last week and the sex was just a plus, he didn't know that it would end up happening nor plan for it in advance. He had a great time with me and wished we could spend more time together BUT, there's always a but isn't there? ..His life has been a bit complicated recently with him navigating a difficult situation and not being sure how things will pan out - so he has been stressed, plus busy with work.

Then a bit about how he knows I'm busy myself yada yada.

He then said "I will talk to you later" with two kiss emojis.

He does have some stuff going on which he spoke about when we met but he could have definitely found the time to send a text if he were so inclined.

Maybe PP is right about me reading too much into it, he sounded surprised that I'd analysed it so much.

Goodness knows.

OP posts:
Frogium · 01/04/2022 15:45

This is exactly why I advised you to send your text and have some agency in your relationship rather than be so passive and silent. It happens every time. Woman just numb themselves and think their silence is going to make the guy feel bad, but then she doesn't block him either. He eventually comes back with the tired excuse of "busy complicated life/busy at work/family stuff", woman makes small protests, he softens her up, then she falls back in line. Rinse and repeat.

This is the time you assert your boundaries, maybe send a final message and block him OP, unless you want to be his fallback option