My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

It does seem quite soon to move in and perhaps he was keen to get away from his mums. Does he contribute to bills and stuff around the house? You can treat them like two separate issues. 1. Do you want to live with him? If not, it is your house, make it clear he needs to move out. If he loves you and is invested in the relationship he will understand. 2. Do you want to have a baby with him, or at all? It is your decision and he should support you in this. It does sounds like he may not have been entirely honest about the need for contraception.

He basically moved into your house without actually asking you, lied about need for contraception (you should have ignored this and taken care of yourself regardless) is emotionally manipulative.

If you want the abortion have one and chuck him out,

What would I do? I'd have an abortion ASAP and kick him out.
You recognise that allowing him to move in was a mistake. Don't tie yourself to him forever by having his child. You can move on from this

You trusted a man you've known for a very short time that he couldn't have kids? Just accepted that?

You've got yourself into this mess by not speaking up and being far too trusting. Really he's trying to trap you, that's why he lied about being infertile. If you don't want the child, have an abortion and kick him out. He's not a nice man, he's very controlling. I'd recommend you get counselling too afterwards to work out why you think these kind of men are decent.

Have the abortion - it’s what you want. Don’t tell him you are pregnant. Then please please end this relationship. I don’t see why you are concerned he may leave you - this would be a good thing. He has lied to you, pressurised you to get himself into your home, pushed you too quickly in the relationship and used things he has done to help you out to blackmail you into staying with him. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. He shouldn’t be around your children.

I’d break up with him now and get him out of your home and then have the abortion and rest up in the quiet of your own home without having to deal with him.

Rule 1: never ever believe someone when they say they can't have kids, always make sure you're sorted if you don't want to be pregnant.

I would have an abortion and wave goodbye to the waste of space.

I’d have the abortion. He’s moved himself into your life FAR too quickly and personally I wouldn’t want to tie myself to a man who doesn’t respect my boundaries and I’ve only known 6 months for the rest of my life. It is also a massive upheaval for your current children. He really needs to move out for their sakes too.

He’s a 42 year old who lived with his mum and sneak-moved into your house while telling you to not bother with contraception.

Run. 🚩

Take control of your life. You seem to be a passenger. He moved in without being asked! What the actual fuck.

Get him out.

I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now.

I want the abortion

Then do this.

I know if I do abortion he will leave me
Brilliant..coz he sounds like prick you'd be much better off without.

Then you do this.

You have to do what's best for you. You've not known him long and he's living in your house so you are well within your rights to tell him things aren't working out and to ask/tell him to leave. You can then decide what to do with your pregnancy but you have no obligation to this man whatsoever

Does he contribute financially? A few odd jobs around the house doesn't really count as paying your way

Kick him out and have the abortion - take control back, you have been way too passive and trusting.

Oh and never believe a man when they say they can't have kids. Please be responsible for your own contraception. Men lie

Have the abortion and get rid of the boyfriend.

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Abortion is your personal choice. But in future please think properly and be reasonably sure before introducing people to your daughters.

He's taken over you house AND your womb under false pretences and without regard for your feelings.

You're right, moving him in was a mistake. Do not tie yourself to this man further, it will not get better.

Sadly he needs to go. Now. I personally wouldn't tell him about the pregnancy and would have the abortion as soon as possible. Just tell him it isn't working for you and have him out with no messing.
Learn the lesson - this isn't a nice man. He's pushed and manipulated you and ended up in your home without discussing and getting a mutual agreement.
As for the pregnancy, you are both responsible for that. But to tell him about it would massively complicate things when you just need him gone.

If you want an abortion you must get an abortion and prioritise your children. There are too many red flags here for you to continue on.

I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Please don't buy a house with someone you have only known for six months!!

I think it sounds like he has potentially lied and manipulated his feet under your table. He could even have got you pregnant on purpose to ensure you are now stuck with him.

You’ve been together less than 6 months and he’s already suggesting you buy a house with them, and you’re pregnant?

This is all far too much too soon. It really isn’t fair on your existing children.

with him*

Moved himself in and lied to get you pregnant so you'll feel you can't kick him out.

In your shoes I would have the abortion and tell him to leave.

It seems to me he is slowly pressuring you in to things you don't want.
You need to take back control.