My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

@TheMarvelousMrsMaisel

Rule 1: never ever believe someone when they say they can't have kids, always make sure you're sorted if you don't want to be pregnant.

I would have an abortion and wave goodbye to the waste of space.

I agree. It won't be easy but you will be OK, op, and can move on. Be a bit less compliant next time. We all learn from experience.

Ask boyfriend to leave as soon as possible, he can go back to his mother's house and stay there until he finds his own place; that's what he was doing after the break up of his (fairly long), marriage, before he shoehorned himself into yours. If he is difficult, have a friend or relative in the house with you; pack his things and ensure he goes - escort him off the premises. Then change the locks. He'll get over it and at least he now knows he is not infertile; that's something to go on his cv to present to the next girlfriend.

You already have children, you can now be free, with a wiser head on your shoulders.

Have a wonderful life!

He sounds like a child not a man!! Maybe it was his ex who couldn’t get pregnant and nothing to do with him? But anyways obviously your pregnant now and what you do with that is your personal choice. Your not happy in your relationship then end it, kick him back to his parents. But I would definitely not be staying with him if he’s making you this unhappy and just wanting to stay in all of the time what a boring life you are letting yourself in for and it’s not going to get better

OP you need to take control for the sake of you and your daughters
Your boyfriend is a liar and a manipulator
You don't want a baby, especially with him
You don't want him in your home.

Do not tie yourself to him. You are perfectly entitled to terminate your pregnancy and chuck this man out of your home. YOUR home.

This has alarm bells ringing all over it.

Can’t add to what other have said, really. Have the abortion and kick him out.

Apart from anything else, you don't mention how old your daughters are, but given your age, they'll be early-mid teens at most?

How do they feel about having what is essentially a strange man move into their home by stealth?

Please have the abortion you want and chuck him out.

I agree with juneOsborne. Take control or you will forever have to put up with this man calling the shots. Tell him to move out and you need space to think. Then make a decision about whether or not to have an abortion.

Abuse alarm bells are ringing for me all over the shop. He's a boundary-pusher, a controller and a liar.

Call today and get a termination booked. Then tell him to leave. He can think you're a "user" if he likes, it doesn't matter a bit.

Get the abortion and end this relationship now.

This has been his plan all along: to get you pregnant and to trap and control you. He pressured you to move in. He lied to you about his fertility. He's tried to persuade to sell your house and buy a house with him, because he wants you to be tied to him.

You don't even want him living with you and you argue all the time. Of course you shouldn't have a baby with him. If I were in your shoes, I would end the relationship now and get him out of my house, and I wouldn't actually tell him I was pregnant before I booked the abortion. You need this man completely out of your life.

I’m amazed you thought this was ok for your daughters let alone you but he does sound manipulative. I would definitely move him out and be thick skinned if he makes your feel bad as you have nothing to feel bad about, he shouldn’t have pushed his way in so early as doesn’t seem you were happy with that

What a Prince.

There's literally no question here - terminate and throw him out - he's lied since day one and you're better off without him in your life.

And FGS - sort out your own contraception instead of taking someone's word for it

This does not seem to be a stable relationship and definitely not one that a baby will make better.
If you don't feel it's right to have a baby then don't.

Christ on a bike.

I'm sorry to be blunt but I feel you need a really strong talking to so that you get the message (and others have also said it) You are 37 years old and behaving a like a teenager. You are a parent to 2 children. PUT THEM FIRST. Get rid of this cocklodger immediately. Have an abortion immediately. Then do not engage with him again, ever. And take your time about getting involved with any other men.

Honestly, if you tie yourself to this man with a baby, then you are in for nothing but trouble - and your children too. It will NOT work out.

Please please listen to everyone on this thread (and in real life too, ask! you'll get the same response!) Dump him asap, get the termination and give your head a wobble.

Honestly, I recommend you get the abortion and end the relationship. I think it's the same advice you'd give to either of your daughters if they were in the same situation.

You didn't feel happy from at least 1 month into the relationship, if not earlier, and you hate the current situation. Most importantly, you have 2 children to consider; value them above him.

It definitely sounds like he's trying to trap you. You're only 37, listen to your instincts and don't tie yourself to this man!

Get rid of him fast! Sounds like he tricked you into getting pregnant so he could trap you as a way to move in with you and put of his mums house! Now he's trying to get you to buy a house with him so you will be even more tied to him!
If you haven't already told him you are pregnant then I wouldn't tell him then decide in your own time what you want to do without him pressuring you. Or just say it's not his afterall he can't have kids right? So if he argues you can say so he tricked you into getting pregnant

He sounds like a catch 😂

Get him OUT. He is a human parasite.

If that means an abortion too, so be it.

He is an abusive liar.

He has moved in by stealth, made you feel like you're due him something if you dispute his being there, and its a classic abusers step to impregnate you after falsely representing himself

Asking why you need time to yourself is also abusive.

He now has you exactly where he wants you.

Op you need to get rid of him ASAP, if he says you've used him, throw it back at him, he has used you.

Protect yourself and your kids before things escalate further.

In your position I would get rid of him, then I would have an abortion. If he is still there when you have an abortion he could turn very nasty, so make sure you're safe first.

After this is all sorted I strongly recommend the freedom programme, it will help you spot the red flags that may just seem like being loved up in the early stages of a relationship.

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Oh my god, OP, he totally saw you coming.

Moved in stealthily, didn't offer to put his hand in his pocket, pays a third of the bills (but no rent to you) despite out earning you, and is baby-trapping you with a baby you don't want.

Wake up and smell the coffee! You're being used because you're too polite to enforce any boundaries.

He’s not going to dump you if you have the abortion and make him move out.

You know why? Because he'll just be waiting for the next opportunity to use you again, when you're ground down and not paying attention.

@SlashBeef

What would I do? I'd have an abortion ASAP and kick him out. You recognise that allowing him to move in was a mistake. Don't tie yourself to him forever by having his child. You can move on from this

All of this.

He wants the proceeds from that house!

It is quite clear you don't want to have a baby. I wouldn't hesitate in your shoes. It is also likely he tricked you into getting pregnant so he can get attached to you permanently. Most certainly get rid of the guy

I think you absolutely should move him out again, he’s very manipulative.An abortion is probably the way to go too, but understand that’s a very personal choice.